SHIKAMARU AND TEMARI HIDEN: THE DARKEST PARTS
by Lionesscreator
Summary: It was a mission gone wrong. The worst thing that could possibly happened to her- happened. Temari is back home recovering, but is she truly recovered? Shikamaru has found himself at his wits end. He tries to be there for her the best way he can, but nothing has prepared him as a man for this. (Rape, Language)
1. Chatper One Returing Home

**_Before I start this FanFiction, it is more than obvious that I am not Masashi Kishimoto, and therefore I am not the owner of these characters. Ahh, not that that's out of the way. Enjoy._**

 ** _Oh and another thing, if you guys didn't know I'm a really big fan of Naruto mainly ( Shikamaru and Temari ) grew up watching it with my cousin...since they were all boys, what a drag...anyways. I've been writing FanFiction for them and never posted it now I think i am. This acct is mainly for my lion king stories, and it's annoying to make another acct- but tell me what you guys think._**

 ** _Idk I might just take this down and post it someplace else._**

Shikamaru

I waited sitting in a chair at the hospital, I twiddled with my fingers, i was rather impatient- I mean who really likes hospitals? The last time I was here was when Shikadai was born, and that was twelve years ago- but trust me, that was a major pain in my behind, I still have small nightmares thinking about it, whenever I walk passed. Temari and her grip of steal…ha I smiled thinking about my wife, which is the reason why I'm here. I just heard she had returned form her mission earlier this morning. I snuck out of work the office and take her back home-not that Naruto would mind, hell he was the one who told me to come here.

As I looked up from the twiddling fingers, I saw that the sun rays where hitting the right side of the window frame, which means a good time had passed since I've been , I wonder what was taking the nurse so long, I hopeTemari wasn't giving them a heh, she hates hospitals more than me.

"Dad! Dad!" I looked to the doorway where I saw Shikadai running into the hospital. And Shikadai running, I don't need to remind you how he is my son, and he takes the high walking over everything, so him running, was a sight to see. "I…I heard mom is back?!"

"Whoa whoa, where's the fire?" I asked, as my son can over to me, my guess is he must have run all the way here from the academy.

"Haha…well is she here?"

"Yea, she is, they probably are just fixing her up. You know how your mother is." I patted him on the shoulder. I looked towards the hallway with the two double doors. Weird, they did seem to be taking a long time, and not to be a nag, but-I have to get back to work, who knows what mayhem Naruto may be causing, the fool never reads anything fully- he's such a knucklehead, but hey, he is our Hokage, and I'm his right hand man…which really means I fix this messes. Uh what a drag. "Hey? Aren't you suppose to be in class?"

"Yes, but Boruto thought it would be better for me to ditch and come see her." He placed his arms nonchalantly. " And you know how animated Boruto so I had to do it."

"Heh." I laughed at the literal clones of Naruto and I. "Well you might as well take a sit next to your old man then. Get comfortable." I informed him.

Temari

Ugh, my head was killing me, where was I ? As my Vision began to blur less I could tell I was in the hospital and to be more exact. The Hidden Leaf Hospital, thank goodness-trust me, I never thought I hear myself say that. As I tried to force myself to sit-up, a felt a stinging pain in my abdomen and two sturdy hands holding me still.

"Don't get up, your still bleeding."Bleeding? I looked down at my stomach to were the pain was coming from, but everything didn't seem real under those thick white hospital sheets.

"Sakura how long have I been here?"

"You were just brought in by medical ninja this morning." Medical ninja? That can't be good. I looked to her.

"Does Shikamaru know I'm here?"

"Yes, I saw him waiting in the waiting room a few minutes ago. He was pacing back and froth."

"He hates hospitals." I informed her. Thinking of my husband, and more importantly want he is going to say to me. He always tells me to not over work myself, but I'm a ninja. Then after a moment of nothing, Sakura spoke to me.

"Temari as part of the medical ninjas job, I have to ask you, do you remember anything from the mission?"

"Um, i…" suddenly I found my throat started to become dry out of nowhere. And a rush of dizziness come rushing to my head. I…I couldn't speak, I couldn't get my thoughts clear…but I knew exactly what they were, or what I thought they were…what I wanted to say. But as I tried to from words, it all didn't make sense. " I-"

"I know you just woke up, but I ask because I need to see if you have any memory of it."

"I…I don't." I bit my lip in a lie. A habit Shikamaru knows all to well, and since Sakura had no idea this was my lying face, I'm good. "Yea…not a clue, why?"

"Well, when the medical ninja found you, you were under a genjutsu." I clutched my hands together as Sakura was about to rein-from me something I already knew. My heart started to race…at least I think it as, I could hear it pounding though out my body loudly, but instead of going faster it seemed to going slower. " Also…when they found you, your mission gear had been torn almost completely off and-"

"Knock knock, can I come in?" I heard his voice first before I saw him walk though the door. Sakura gave him a look as we walked over to me. "Seems like you went all I see." Shikamaru placed his hands on my cheek and kissed my forehead. I missed his gentle touch, it felt like he wasn't even holding my bruised cheek. "Stubborn women." I rolled my eyes at him.

"Well technically you're not supposed to be back here, I haven't sent for you yet."

"I know, but Shikadai was getting antsy so-"

"Shikadai's here? Isn't he suppose to be in class?! I'm gone for a few days and you let him run wild." I gave my husband a look and he looked back at me with that same stupid lackadaisical smile that I love so much.

"Well that's your son."

"Well you two can discuss the punishment of your son later, Temari I still need you to run some test."

"Really?' Asked Shikamaru "How much nonsense did you get into?" He asked in a simple manner, knowing I would let a couple of cuts and scrapes stop me. So the fact that Sakura still wanted me here to run test, was…different. Shikamaru took my arm in his hand to exam it, like he was some doctor or something. But I quickly snatched it back, so he won't see the top bruises around my shoulders, that I knew were there because I felt them, I still felt him.

"Stop being such a worry wart okay, I'm fine." As I said this I swung my legs around to the side of the bed to get out. "Oh are those for me?" I looked down to see a new pair of clothes for me in Shikamaru hand.

"Yea, I figured you didn't want to be walking home in those hospital gowns." I took the clothes from his hand. "I'll be waiting outside the door if you need me."

"Okay." As he walked out the door, I couldn't help but notice the look on Sakura face. She wasn't pleased to say the least. Great. "What?"

"I didn't give you permission to leave yet Temari, you're still injured."

"I feel fine."

"That's because of all the pain medication I gave you." Well those are the best pain medication i've ever been on. Hell they should have given me this was I was having Shikadai. Instead of that stupid all natural medicine. "Besides we need to know more information about your mission and why it failed."

"Look, I told you I don't remember, and maybe it's because or the genjutsu or something else, but..I can't help you. The mission wasn't successful and that's all I can say…" I froze for a moment, my legs were still wobbly underneath me and I had to pace myself. Damn this medication is strong, I'm really going to hate myself when it wears off.

"Temari-"

"Look, if I remember anything, I'm come to you okay?"

"Alright, but be careful. No large movements, no carrying anything, it's a no brainer but no trainer, okay?"

"You have my word."

Shikamaru

I felt a tap on the back of my knee as I leaned against the door. "I'm ready." She said, I turned around to me Temari hobbling with crutches underneath her.

"Hah, they are giving you crutches?" I teased.

"Yup, get your laughs in now, because the moment you or Shikadai do something stupid, expect one of these to the back of your head." She smiled at me, she toys with me because she love me and sometimes love hurts.

"What a drag" I said, just thinking about the next few days and how they are going to be.

"Oh Shikamaru before you go." I turned to see Sakura " As I told Temari before, I don't want her doing any physical activity."

"Any?" I asked but as soon as I said this Temari elbowed me in the shoulder. "Ouch women…" she knew exactly what kind of physical activity I was asking about. Hey, I'm a man, and my wife's been done for days, I missed her, could you blame me for wanting some loving from my wife. "But I got it, no physical activity. But you might want to run that by her again, at least three more times."

"She already told me she wouldn't be a problem." Yea, well we'll see hoe long that promised is held up. Temari's a busy body and needs to always be doing something.

"Mom!" I looked over my shoulder to see Shikadai running over to Temari, and before I or Sakura could say anything, Temari had already bend down and stopped our son up in a hug.

"Temari!" Sakura scolded , I just stood there and laughed, I knew better.

"Oh…right, sorry." She put Shikadai down "Looks who gotten taller while I've been away."

"You can't grow taller in just five days mom."

"That hair of your has." She chimed, placing a hand on his shoulder. Shikadai smiled.

"I'm glad your back mom, I didn't think I would survive another day with dads cooking." Wait what? He said he liked it, but who am I kidding, I couldn't keep the house half as straight as Temari does. Man I'm glad she's home. Going to work early, then caring for Shikadai and his needs with training and not to mention food, it was a real drag.

"Shikamaru did you try to kill our son?"

"Huh?...Well after eating burgers for three days I figured I try the cooking thing."

"Yea dad, you should just leave that to mom."

"Anyways, you all ready to go?" She nodded to me as a response. And I know if it's because I haven't seen my wife in fives day or whatever, but I could have sworn I catch a glimpse of a mark on the side of her neck, that looked odd to me, like a hickey. Or a bruise that looked just like one. But as I thought about what I think I saw, she was up and standing and the mark was out of sight. Hmp, I'm probably just making things up I my head. "Alright, lets go."

Temari

As we walked home or I should say, was carried home, by Shikamaru who thought I was a damsel in distress. He knows I hate being carried especially when I can walk, and yes it was hard walking with these damn crutches, but I would have figured it out. If I was given the chance, but no I had to be carried by my husband. I could hear Shikadai snickering in the backgrounds at us battering back and froth. These Nara men I tell you.

"Hey Shikadai get the table ready for dinner." Shikamaru said, placing me down as we walked into our home. "Here Temari you need your crutches."

"No, I'm fine." I said standing on two feet.

"Yea, but they gave you these for a reason."

"You know Sakura can over react. I'm telling you I'm fine without them, it's just a little sprain." And that my husband gave up trying to convince me. Placing one hand on his hip and the other behind his head.

"Right, dad you aren't going to cook again, right?" I couldn't help but laugh at this, was his food that bad? I know I ready taught Shikamaru a dish or too, hmm, maybe he needed some more practice before he went out on his own.

"Actually I was, your moms needs a little break." Shikadai gulped down a hard swallow. Right, let me save my son from whatever torture his father had caused him.

"I can cook Shikamaru."

"I'm just following what the doctors orders were."

"How about you help me cook then?"

"Now that I can do. I'll go help Shikadai with the table, do you need me for anything?"

"No, I'm okay. I'm going to run to our room and shower first."

"Gotcha."

I waited for him to leave before I leaned against the wall for support. Okay maybe it was more than just a span ankle? I hobbled to our bedroom and fell onto the bed. I missed these amazing sheets, and mono colored room. I never thought I would see it again…. It took everything with in me to get out of bed, the only reason why I did was because I heard Shikadai telling his father to wait for me to return before he started cooking anything.

As I stood in front of our bathroom sink, I couldn't get myself to look in the mirror as tears ran down my burning red cheeks. Was this the women I had become now? Crying alone in my bathroom? I guess so, I couldn't stand the women and body I saw in the reflection. It wasn't me, she was't me. I felt like I was out of my body the moment I woke up from that genjutsu…hell I felt like I never left it. I was still in it. I had to be, that's why I was feeling this way, right? I turned the shower on and made sure the water was burning hot, maybe then, I could melt away the touch, and smell off my body. But it wouldn't work, I know it won't. The smells ingrained in my head and being , like Shikamaru.

Disrobing , I didn't need to look in the mirror to see how bruised my body was. I could still feel the ache it's in the stomach, like it was a fresh punch, the tenderness of my breast as if his hands were still on there….and the raw feeling between my legs as if he was still tearing into me.I stood there naked and crying. My hands gripping the counter top so tightly my knuckles were turning white. Maybe…maybe losing the feeling in my knuckles would make me lose the feeling everywhere in my body where I prayed to disconnect it from me. Forever. How could I have let this happen? To have been so weak and defenseless that I couldn't carry out a mission? What had happened to the old Temari?

 ** _The frist Night_**

 _I opened my eyes, I was tied to some poll, and not my bed at home…but I culled have sown yesterday I was back home? And my arms they were tied above my head, with some kind of sturdy rope that had chakra infused with it. What the hell? " Ah, you're awake. I was wondering when I was going to see those pretty eyes of yours." What…no…no it can't be. I looked around myself. All I saw was darkness? Was I inside a cave? A lab? ….hell a box? My naked eyes could barely see a thing, and even still with my eye closed tight, I could still see those black pools for eyes that he had. The seemed to reflect the darkness off of themselves. He was watching me, I know he was I can feel him._

 _"Where the hell am I?!" There was nothing said back. " What are you afraid to come out a face some little girl?" Which is the last thing I should be saying, but I can't seem scared, not now. As my eyes darted from right to left, still not seeing anything maybe he had left… I then focused my attention to untying hands. If I could just figure a way to-_

 _"No, escaping wouldn't be fun." I felt strong wide hands seize my upper tights and pull me down in one force onto my back. No, I can't let this happen, not again. I kicked and I struggled and all that brought me was a hard punch to the stomach that I felt practically readjust my insides though my mission gear. "I forget you are a fiery one, you Suna women." Me? Please what did he know about me? I was the one sent to spy on this bastard- wait…I felt cold arms slowly crawl up my thigh to the belt of my kimono._

 _"What…what are you doing?!" He didn't answer my question. " S-stop…I said st-" I felt frozen under his gaze. Why was I so scared…so scared I couldn't even defend myself. Those black eyes put my body and mind in a numbed dazed. I watched as he continued to undress me and he was getting more and more eager as he began to rip away at the rest of my clothing, cutting my soft skin beneath.I was too frozen to even let out a single tear, let alone a cry for help. I…I didn't want this bastard to see me cry…no one has even seen me cry, not even my husband. I'm just not that girl, I don't need to call on_ anyone for help, I could always handle things myself…so why not now?! I felt him rip my underwear off of me, god dammit, no no no! "NOO!"

I shot up in a deep sweat, my eyes darted around in a panic…where where was I? Was…was he here- where did he go?! Suddenly I heard a mans voice coming down the hallway….it wasn't him.

"Temari?! Temari you okay?!" Shikamaru came running down the hall. He quickly turned on the light, finding me a sweaty mess. "Hey are you alright?" He came over and placed his hands on my shoulders. I was shaking.

"Um..yea I'm fine."

"You sure? You were screaming."

" I uh…I just had a nightmare that's all." I said calming my breathing, as I looked down at my hands Shikamaru was holding them because I was shaking. "But I'm fine…sorry." I pulled my hands towards me and hind them under the covers. " You were probably up still going over work right?" Noticing his night rob, and from the way the light was on in the hallway, I could tell he was leaving his study. " I didn't mean to distract you"

"No you didn't." He Voiced still studying my features….great now that mind of his is going to start thinking something. "Well that must have been some nightmare, you normally don't have those."

"Yea, you're right." I was still looking down at my hands.

"If you don't mind me asking, do you think this was because of your mission?" I froze….what did he know about it? " I only say this because you haven't been on a mission since we had our son, and you know as well as I how stressful a mission can be on a person." Okay, so he wasn't referring to what I think he was. That's a relief. I quickly gave him a reassuring smile gave hims a small punch in the arm.

"Like I said, I just had a nightmare. But speaking about our son, you don't think I woke him up do you?"

"Ha, naw that kid sleeps like a rock. He's fine." Shikamaru placed a hand on my cheek. "You sure you don't want me to stay with you? I can put the paperwork away."

"No, I don't want to be a drag." Using his own phrase against him. I kissed his hand. "Go back to your work."

"Alright boss , I'm heading back to get some more work done, I'm proud of you Temari." He leaned in and gave me a kiss on the lips. I stood still as he did this. I smiled in his face, and waited for him to turn down the corner hall to his study before I wiped the touch of his kiss off my lips and sat in the stillness.

That morning my nightmare was like a thing of the past. Or at least I was trying to make it feel like one. I don't know what happened, why would I even think about…. I don't know, I need to get my head together. Shikamaru should be up and getting Shikadai up and ready for school now, but I haven't heard anything in a while. Knowing Shikamaru he probably fell asleep in Shikadai bed trying to get a few more z's in himself. Hmp, typical but those are my boys for you.

Then I heard foot steps coming down the hallway, good they both are up, that's less work for me now. I stayed focused on getting their lunches ready, Shikamaru had walked into the kitchen, he was in a bit of a rush, he woke up late- I told him to get up, I practically shouted at him. No wonder Shikadai can sleep like a truck, he gets it from his father. I was finished with their lunches and by that time, Shikadai was dragging himself into the kitchen.

"Morning mom…"

"Looks who's finally up." He blinked slowly, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Come on Shikadai, we'll both be late if we don't head out soon."

"Okay…"

"Here's you boys lunch." I said leaning over the counter and giving Shikadai his bag.

"Dammit! I forgot something, Shikadai head out I'll be right behind you." Shikamaru Voiced and before I knew it he was right behind me, I froze when I felt his presence loom over me. He was just walking passed to get some paperwork…but that simple movement almost made my knee's weak. What was with me….maybe he didn't noticed, yea I don't think he was paying attention. After a few seconds I gathered myself, and by that time he had come back into the kitchen.

"Here." I said giving him his lunch."

"Thanks Temari." He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before turning to leave again. " Remember don't do anything that will end you back in the hospital okay, Temari?"

"Oh shut up." I closed the door behind him. Okay, now I'm back home…alone again. While he's at work and Shikadai is at school what should I do now. I guess the only thing I can do is clean up. I walked passed Shikamaru study and peeked inside, there was paperwork everywhere. I guess I should start with his room first. It didn't take me long to organize his paperwork, and yea he'll complain that there's a method to his madness and, but he'll get over it. There is no methods in mess in my house. As I finished stacking his papers, I noticed that my fan at been. Placed to the side of his desk. I didn't know he had it, not that I've been looking for it. I walked over to it slowly, and pick it up to slowly open it. That big gash down the center of my fan was just like I remember it. "Damn fan" a small flashback from our battles played in the back of the head. "Damn fan!" I threw it across the room, and cursed at it.

I don't know what was with me, I felt myself get hit with a wave of emotions I couldn't explain. My fan has always felt one with me, it's like an extended arm or leg. Now it felt like it was completely disconnected from me. I couldn't trust it….it failed me. Suddenly my stomach felt like it was in tight knots and heavy. I hadn't eaten anything since yesterday dinner, but I felt the strongest urge to release anything that might have been in my stomach. I rushed to our room and then the bathroom collapsing in front of the toilet. It took everything with in me to stop myself from throwing up the rest of my stomach. Okay…maybe I do need to go a see Sakura.

Shikamaru

Man something with in me is telling me something is off with Temari. I thought it was just me being an over thing husband but I know that's not the case. She hasn't been acting like herself she's since she's been home. I think it started with her ending her mission early. I know Temari and she has never ended a mission before. I know she gave a signal for back up— at least that is what I've heard. And her calling for backup, another thing my wife does not do. That has me thinking, what kind of mission was this? I heard it was a simple one, a tracking one, which is her specialty. So for her to need back up?

Not only that, but she had a nightmare yesterday and from the state in which I found her, it was a pretty bad one at that. Temari never had a nightmare, the women's not scared of anything, hell if anything I'm scared of her. I mean have you seen her when she's pissed- not a fun time. She brushing everything off, which is how she deals with things, but I can't help but have the feeling she's Reid get something from me…

"Yo, Shikamaru !" I felt a tossed up sheet of paper hit me in the shoulder.

"Hey!" I Voiced annoyed, isn't this a workplace.

"You seem pretty distracted there man." Voiced Naruto, who is really the last person to tell me that I'm distracted, hell that's practically his middle name. But I guess if he's the one who noticed

Then I must have the head really in the clouds then. "What's up?"

"Oh nothing, just stuff."

"I see, Family stuff huh?"

"Huh, what makes you think that?"

"Well anything that has you distracted Shikamaru must be important or serious." I guess that would make sense, I'm not a man to let distraction get to me really. I put my hand in my pocket and played with my lighter. "It's not like you're like me and get distracted easily ha."

"That's for sure."I sat back in the chair in front of Naruto's desk .

"Well at least you wife's back right, now life can go back to normal." Yea, that is one major relief now. I was worried sick while she was gone. " Now I don't have to worry about Shikadai dying."

"Wait, what?"

"Oh yea, he told Boruto and Boruto told Hinata and well…. Haha I was going to send her over to make sure you didn't poison him with your cooking!"

"I'm not that bad…"

"Sure you aren't. I know you mean well buddy! But I've learned that they're just some stuff our wives are just way better at then us- which actually is a lot when you think about it haha."

"Actually Naruto I think I can second that." I took out my lighter to look at it and scratched the back of my head.

"But I could say, your way better than me when it came to Temari and re-enlisting for missions." I raised a brow and looked at the hyper-active knuckled headed Hokage , who as calmed down some.

"Why do you say that."

"Well I guess, being a family of Shinobi , it was easy for us to go out on missions and not even think about it ya know. We'd just leave and be gone for….who knows how long really."

"Yea…I remember the days"

"Now that we all are older and have families now, it's just different. I mean I wouldn't stop Hinata if she wanted to re-enlist and take missions again but…heck, I wouldn't know what to do when I got home. She has an order for everything and always has everything I or the kids my need….I guess you could say I'm being selfish, but I wouldn't want her to go, ya know."

"Yea…" that had me thinking, was a really this good guy open guy Naruto thought I was? "But reminding you, Temari would have re-enlisted whether I said something or not."

"Right, haha she is terrifying ." Naruto then looked at me apologizing " But um..in a good way ya know!"

"Yea, whatever, anyways lets focus on the task on hand here and not my family, I think I'll handle that."

"Whatever you say Shikamaru, but I know how lazy you are."

"Ughhh what a drag…." I said rubbing my forehead, right let me focus on work first before I think more about what could be bothering Temari.


	2. Chapter Two Just Be Normal

Chapter Two

Temari

The water was burning my body as I stood still in the shower, I hadn't moved an inch, and I hadn't plan to. I've been in here ever since Shikamaru and Shikadai felt this morning and that was well over a few hours ago. I couldn't shake that nightmare from last night, small flashes of that day kept haunting me throughout the day...no matter how many times I tried to distract myself with something, it the back of my mind…he was always there! His hands….always touching, grabbing and feeling me. As I look at my body I feel like I have more bruises then the day before…and the medication from the hospital has worn off…and my body hurts….it hurts so much right now…

I'm swore and swollen, hell it's like he might as well still be on me! Because that's how I feel. I'm here standing in the shower, burning my skin off trying to convince myself that the longer I stay in here at some point I'll feel clean! I have to…right? I'm tired of feeling dirty. But it was no use, I would always feel dirty from now on. I turned off the water, by this time I'm sure the water had to be freezing cold, but my skin was numb at this point. My legs still wobbled underneath me, but I refused to use those stupid crutches Sakura gave me. I didn't need them…I was capable.

I stepped in front of the mirror, my eyes avoiding to gaze down to neck to the rest of my body, I just looked at myself. "Temari you need to get a grip, it's over, you're home, everything is fine…I don't know why you're acting all girly with that nightmare. You need to get your shit together." I know Shikamaru was worried and confused, I could see it on his face last night. And the last thing I need him to do is start worrying about me, and asking questions. This will just be something he doesn't have to know about. A part of me hates not telling him, he's my husband after all, and we promised to tell each other everything….well mainly for me, because being open isn't really my thing, and he knows that. It's always been hard for me to talk and open up about myself and my feelings. If you knew my childhood, you'd understand why, and honestly Shikamaru is the only person I can open up to, which is why I feel in love with him. There was just something about him I could trust and believe in.

Expect this is different, I don't feel comfortable telling him this. I know I'll feel worse about myself. He can never find out about that mission.

Shikamaru

Man planning this next Kage meeting is a real drag, but I suppose it's better than reading the paperwork we have to do for that meeting. Hmp, with wanting to have a Kage meeting by the end of the week that means Temari and I have to get the house ready, Gaara will likely be staying with us, since the Kage meetings are really the only time she can see her brother and Shikadai can see his uncle. Hmm, maybe she misses her brothers, it has been a while since she's visited Suna maybe she's just a little home sick and doesn't want to tell me. Women have a strange way of communicating sometimes.

"Yo Shikamaru I'm gonna take a lunch break want to join?" Naruto opening my door, this man really needs to knock. Not like I'm doing anything, I'm just in my thoughts a lot and I hate being dragged out of them sometimes, especially when they are important. At least with a knock my brain can try to remember to hold the thought, but it's whatever really. I leaned back in my seat.

"Sure, lunch sounds good." I grabbed my bag that Temari had packed for me. And we left my office. We went out and sat on the great stone faces, the view was always amazing up here. Now I see why Naruto was always doing stupid stuff from up here when we were kids. You can see the whole village from here, it's quite a sight. As I took a sit next to Naruto and opened my bag, he was already chowing down his food. "Ramen again?"

"Yea, this stuff amazing."

"Heh, you think being a grown man your taste bud would eventually get tired of eating that stuff everyday."

"Naw, this bowls made by Hinata, I could never get tired of it!" Hah, this guy. "Anyways how are you and Temari? Everything's goig right between you two?"

"Us? Yea, why do you ask?"

"You have an easy to read face Shikamaru."

"Ha, she tells me that all the time, Hmp, you both are pains."

"Hey ya know what, we should do something special for our wives. I mean since we both work a lot, I think it will be nice, ya know. And you know that might be the reason why Temari so distance, she does a lot and probably doesn't feel like you notice." Again, were he gets these notions, is beyond me. But maybe he did have a point. Since becoming the Hokage right hand man, I'm practically working the same hours as the Hokage. It's no surprise that I'm not the most energetic person in the world, and when I get home after work everyone else is normally sleep, so I find myself on the couch so I don't wake Temari. Hmm, maybe this grown knuckle head has a point.

" You know you might have a point, honestly I feel like her sudden interest in mission is because we don't see each other often and she probably wants something to do. Maybe if I came home earlier she wouldn't be interested in the missions anymore."

"That's the idea, you and Temari should have the house to yourself for some time ya know, as adults." He raised a yellow brow, boy was he even more annoying.

"Please you of all people should know that time is impossible to have when your busy and especially with kids. What do you expect us to do with Shikadai? Have him stand outside the house while mom and dad have alone time?"

"I mean, when Hinata and I want the house to ourselves we just send the kids to her dads, or her sisters."

"Well Shikadai only family is in Suna. I guess I could send him to my moms but she'll ask me why I never visit her as much, and why Shikadai still an only child- just stuff I don't feel like hearing. The whole thing will become troublesome if you ask me."

"Well if you want, I know the kids are having a field trip tomorrow. Shikadai can stay with us tonight, I bet he'll like that."

"I see no problem with that I suppose, and as long Hinata's cooking I know my son wont die."

"Heck are you kidding me, the last time I tried cooking without Hinata help, I almost burnt the house down."

"I know I remember that, Shikadai was telling me Boruto smelled like smoke for a whole week. And now that I think about it, you were smelling like smoke too." And he had the nerve to talk about me and my cooking.

"Hey cooking's harder than it looks, I now realize that."

"Yea, it seems like a lot of things are harder now than what it seemed when we were younger."

"That's for sure."

"This adult things a real pain in the ass." Naruto nodded his head, still slurping down noddle after noddle. Yet still I wouldn't change it for the world. "Come on, lets head back we have a Kage meeting to get in order after all."

"Right."

Temari

It felt like the day was running by at a slugs pace, I sat in the corner of a room I don't know how long I've been sitting here. My back was starting to hurt form being pressed against the wall for so long, but I couldn't get my feet to move. My legs hurt too much anyway. I was waiting patiently for Shikadai to come home- actually from the moment they left I couldn't wait for them to come back. I just hated being left alone in this house by myself, but unlucky for me I got a call from Hinata saying the boys had a field trip tomorrow and he's free to spend the night at Boruto's. Of course I said yes, I mean why wouldn't I let Shikadai hang out with a friend, he would no doubt ask me why, and what answer could I give him? Mommy doesn't want to be left alone right now? She afraid to be in her own house…

Just listening to myself in my own head I sound so pathetic. Sitting here, afraid to move in my own house, fighting back tears of insecurity? Dammit Temari. Just go back to how to use to be when everything was normal? I struggled to get myself to my feet. As I got up and walked passed a window I saw that the sun was setting and evening would be here soon. Hmp, I guess I was over in my corner longer than I thought. I began to walk down the hallway and into the bedroom, I couldn't lie to myself and my body I was beyond tired. I just couldn't get myself to go to sleep. What if he somehow found me…what if he found my family- Fuck ! What am I saying that will never happen…never.

I felt my heart want to start racing and I wasn't going to allow myself to freak out. He already had control over me once, I refuse to let him have control over me a second time, I'll be damn about that. I found myself walking into shikamaru study, maybe I could clean up something here, and just wait til he returns. But knowing his work schedule I shouldn't hold my hopes up. I went over to his desk and started organizing some papers. Geeze all this work, no wonder he's always coming home let. Suddenly I felt something brush against my foot, it scared the crap out of me. I looked down to see it was one of Shikamaru bottles. Man my husband can be lazy. I bent down to pick up the bottle. I saw under his desk he had a small cooler. When I opened it he had more bottles.

I've never been a fan of drinking, I guess you can say that's more of shikamaru area. I know he likes a drink when he comes home or when he stays up late to do work. He says it relaxes him, even though I don't know how he can say that when the smell of liquor is stupid strong. I use to ate it when he drank and came to bed, I could just smell the liquor on him. So why was i now opening up a bottle of his sake?

I sniffed it, ugh the smell made my stomach turn. But that didn't deterrer me like I thought it would from drinking it. I could feeling the burning sensation from my drink run down my throat all the way to the stomach. Which started to ache some since I haven't had much to eat. I still continue to drink the whole thing. The taste wasn't the best, the smell wasn't great either. But the feeling I got while drinking, it made mustering though the other two worth it. I left his study and walked over back to our living room. Looking outside the window…it was just getting darker and darker, still and more still, until my ears heard nothing. And I oddly felt at peace as I layed my head down on the pillow.

" Temari I'm home." Shikamaru ? "Hey, Temari you here?" I could have sworn I was hearing something, but my eyes were too heavy to open and my head felt like a blur. "Tem- oh there you are" I rubbed my eyes slowly to see a fuzzy picture of my husband walking over towards me. " You must have been sleep, did I wake you?"

"N-no, not really." I looked at him as he sat next to me, something felt weird about seeing shikamaru just now, I looked to him and then to a clock on a wall. It was 9:30.

"You're home unusual early?"

"Yea, I decided to leave early." He leaned over and kissed my cheek, then after a seconds he made a weird face a sniffed me. " You smell like…sake? Have you been drinking?"

"I had a little of yours…why do you look surprise, I'm grown aren't I?"

"No it just you're not a fan of sake so I was just surprised."

"Oh." I looked down at my hands.

" Hey I got you something."

"Really, What's the occasion?"

"It's a crime now to get my wife something?"

"No it's just, I wasn't expecting it. What is it?" I looked down at his hands, where there was a small white box. He opened it and it was a necklace. I've never been one to like jewelry but Shikamaru always seems to know what to buy for me that I would like.

"I saw it in a window next to Ino flower shop. You like it?"

"Like it? It's beautiful…thank you. Y-you didn't have to give me this…"

"I wanted to, I know we don't get to spend much time together with me working and all and now taking missions. I just wanted to let you know I appreciate you."

"…the mission…"

"Huh?" He leaned in closer to hear what I was saying. To be honest, I thought I voiced what I said in my head. But apparently that wasn't the case.

"Oh it's nothing…um I didn't know you'd be home this early, I can make you something really quick you must be hungry."

"Um…sure."

I went to the kitchen and started figuring out what I was going to make him for dinner. I guess pasta would be good, since it would be fast and easy to make. I gathered he materials I would need and started prepping the meal, not paying attention to the hands coming from behind me. I jumped as I looked down and saw shikamaru hands encircling my waist.

"Whoa spook you there."

"What are you doing, I'm trying to make your dinner."

"Mmm, dinner can wait, can't it? I mean I came home early, Shikadai out the house. I was hoping we could spend some time together you know, as man and wife." I felt his lips plant themselves on my neck and slowly start to travel down. His grip around my waist became tighter, I felt a pinch of pain in my side…from a nervous pain.

"Umm…actually I'm starving , and it'll only take a few minutes to get everything to-" I felt his tongue down my throat and his hands were exploring my body within seconds. I was frozen for a second my body in shock I guess. He had turned me around so that I was facing him in our embrace. His body pressing into mine. "…shi-shikamaru" I tried to turn my head to avoid him, but his lips keep finding mine. My Brain finally communicated to my hands and I started to press him away from me. " Shika-" he wasn't listening to me. It was like what I was saying was going in one ear and out the other! I know why, I use to love it when he took control when we were love making. He's such a relaxed and chill man so when I found out he had that side in him, you could say I found it very attractive. But not anymore…now I didn't want him to take control…I wanted him to stop and listen to me! As his hands touched me, I froze in fear. Like my body was unresponsive it turned off any sensation in order to deal with the upcoming pain and then…the flashes came back...and I was back there with him, he was on top of me…kissing me…hurting me. _His hands were cold, his body was heavy and his thrust was strong, cutting deeper and deeper into me. The whole time our eyes never disconnected. I couldn't get myself to look away from him….to disobey him. He was controlling my every thought my every move…god I just wanted this to be over. Get off of me!…get off of me!... "_ GET OFF ME!" One second I was with him…and the another I see Shikamaru falling towards the floor!

"Ouch! Dammit Temari?!" He was holding the back of his head…did he fall…did I just push him.My eyes darted back and forth…what had happened?

"I…i…." I began to reach out towards him to help him up, then suddenly my stomach became all twisted on the inside and I felt sick. I covered my mouth and ran towards out bathroom. I slammed the door behind me and collapsed to the floor, emptying everything that was in me. I was gagging my life away, I didn't hear shikamaru knocking at the door and his sudden voice scared me.

"Temari, hey! Are you okay?" I didn't answer. "Hello Temari?!"

"Ye-yea…I'm fine!"

" Why's the door lock?" Again he didn't get my response. "Tema-"

"I'm fine! I just…"

"unlock the door Mari."

"No!"

"Women stop being so troublesome !"

"Just leave me alone!"

"Wh-"

"I told you everything's fine, just- please shikamaru…" I heard him suck his teeth, which was a sign to me he was irritated, but he wouldn't push the subject any further that was for sure, he could see I wasn't having it. I heard him says something under his breath, but that noise was soon followed by the soft set of footsteps walking away from the door. When he was gone, I ripped off the clothes I was wearing, they were hot and sticky and dirty and I couldn't wear them anymore. I thought them across the bathroom and turned on the shower water. My tears mixed with the water that was falling down my face. I stayed in the shower for an hour…and then I stayed in the bathroom for three hours until I felt it was safe to come out. As I opened the door slowly Shikamaru was passed out in the bed. He was in a sitting up position, obviously he had been waiting for me to leave the bathroom. I tighten my robe tight around my waist as I walked over to my side of the bed. '…s-shikamaru ?"

He was in a deep sleep, but he started to fight it when he heard my voice. I crawled up next to him in the bed. As weird as it may seem even with his touch scaring me…I needed to be near him. Some part of me still felt the need to be protected by my husband. That part at least put my mind at ease. I know I still wouldn't sleep…I would need another drink for that.

That next day I was up before dawn and had breakfast already cooked and ready for him. I was restless all night, like I knew I would be. I didn't have the heart to wake shikamaru and I really didn't have the heart to wake up next to him after last night failure. I feel so bad, and all he wanted to do was make me feel special last night. With coming home early, that necklace and then…trying to make love to me- and I blew it! If he wakes up with an attitude its all my fault. He should be mad at me…I hope he's mad at me I deserve it.

"Morning…" I turned to see my husband handing there behind me, scratching his head and yawning. "You're up early…."

"…I'd say the same to you." I looked at his feet, I couldn't turn my back to him, but for the life of me I couldn't get myself to look into his eyes. "Here…" I handed him his morning coffee.

"Thanks…" I walked over and sat across from him at the table, I only did this because my body went into automatic for a second. And sitting across from him while he ate was something I always did. "What happened last night?" Huh, getting right to the topic of discussion I see, I remember the days when we were newly weds and we tip toed around certain subject to keep each other comfortable. now I guess we've been together so long we know how the other person will react and what we expect from one another, so why hide it. I'm starting to miss those days.

"I uh I felt sick suddenly, must have been the sake." I saw him eye me and then close his eyes, he's thinking of something.

"Uh usually something someone says when they are thinking of what to say, rather than when saying something naturally. " great here he goes psycho analyzing me "Temari What's up?"

"Nothing I already told you the sake got me sick."

"You normally don't even drink Temari-"

"I'm sorry I can't have a drink."

"Relax, I'm not mad."

"I didn't say you were mad."

"No but you're acting like I am." I sighed , crossing my arms. Why the hell was I being interrogated? "Tem, just tell me what's up."

"For the last time I told you I suddenly got sick!"

"You were screaming at me to get off you..." I tasted blood in my mouth as I bit my tongue. What do I say to that? It's not like i've screamed at him to get off me before… "I'm just curious to were that came from."

" can we just not talk about."

"Not talk about it?"

"Yes not talk about it." Not talking about something was in of Shika best moves and now guess who's using it too.

"Tem, you locked yourself in the bathroom."

"I didn't want you to see me throwing up."

"I've seen you have our child Temari, I think I can handle you being sick." I started playing with my fingers, he was starting to piss me off. Why was he pressing the matter so much.

"It's no big deal seriously."

"I know it's not the biggest deal to you, but as your husband I'm concerned even if that is a drag for you. You just had me worried that's all I'm trying to say."

"I know."

"I know I can't get you to talk if you don't want to, and hell maybe I'm just over thinking it and maybe the sake did just get you sick. But whatever it is, I wont press the matter anymore."

"Thanks..."

"I'm going to head in early, the next Kage meeting wont plan itself." He got up, drank the rest of his coffee and kissed my forehead before he turned around and walked back towards our bedroom. In the pit of my stomach I thought…tell him…tell him, but my lips were zip locked and before I knew it he was already ready for work and leaving out the door.


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Temari

I played with the necklace Shikamaru had given me, it was so light and delicate, yet strong. If that made any sense. As I looked at it, it was perfectly simple, something not too flashy, yet it still makes a point. I guess this man really knows me, and yet…still. He was doing so much for me last night and I just ruined the whole mood. Ugh…he was still so clam about it this morning too, that irritated me…like how can you be so relaxed and collected when your wife just rejected your efforts?! I guess that's just the Nara's nature, it's crazy if you ask me. If it were the other way around, he would have hell to pay, and a much needed explanation. I guess he's just the better person when it comes down to it.

I placed his necklace around my neck, it fit perfectly, as expected.i then bent down to pick up the sake bottle I had at my feet. Yes it's early in the morning, and I haven't consumed anything today- but this sake. I don't want eat anything, I just want to drink this sake and have my emotions of everything just wash away.

I can't believe I thought Shikamaru was Kuroi, I mean thats crazy right? And yet, when he touched me, I thought it was him- knowing full well it wasn't. Maybe my body couldn't tell the difference- but it didn't matter what my body thought, hell I was there, my freaking brain should have known the difference! But as soon as everything was happening it just shut off…like what the hell!

"Damn." I took another long swig and when the liquor stopped falling into my mouth I cursed again. Why was I so mad? It's just sake, and when did I start liking it? I just drank it once…and now I'm drinking one this early in the morning? Hell I can't even remember when I got this bottle actually. It must have been after Shikamaru left, because everything after that was a blur to me. I got up slowly, and a little wobbly and I walked down the hall to Shikamaru study.

Shikamaru

Man going over this paperwork is a real drag, but I guess one main perk to being the Hokage's right hand man is I can choose to where I want to do my work. I felt too cramped in my office today so I decided to do my readings outside the office today. The fresh air was needed and not to mention the time called for a good smoke. Taking a break from reading I already noticed I've gone though four cigarettes. man either it was taking me longer to read though these papers or I'm enjoying this cigarette way too much. Heck is it even noon yet? Get a hold of yourself Shikamaru you still have a full day ahead of you, no need to waste a good pack early in the morning.

On the Main Street that lead from the office I could hear a man and women arguing. I'm assuming they were a couple or even married by the way they were arguing, and as I continued to watch, it bought a smile to my face. They reminded me of Temari and I when we first got married, man did we argue a lot. Ha, thinking about it now It was hilarious and I honestly think we both nagged each other to get on the others nerves until they cracked….call it a mean game, but it was our thing. And from reading their lips and hearing her shout, I think they are aurging on who was right and wrong in this situation.

"Man, trust me, just let her be right, even if she's wrong. Somehow they still come out being right. Which is the strangest thing, Hmp." I killed my last cigarette and flicked it to the ground. " I need to be heading back to the office soon."I took a deep sigh and began walking back to the Hokage Office. "Knock knock."

"Come in." I opened the door to see Naruto typing something up on his computer, probably some spreadsheet of the meeting. "Yo Shikamaru, What's up?"

"Nothing, just finished over seeing the paperwork and we're good to go."

"Good, to be honest I forgot about the paperwork, because I'm over seeing the mission work too."

"Right I forgot you see over the mission assignments." Must be a real drag.

"Yea, it's a lot sometimes but it gets done eventually."

"Well if you need me to look over anything I can."

"Thanks but I couldn't ask you to do that, I mean you already do so much."

"Trust me, it's not a problem. Besides you know I could get that done way faster than you."

"Ha!" We both shared a laughed, " then I guess I'd have no choice but to get to the other paperwork- oh that reminds me, how'd it go last night, huh?"

"Man you're a pain in the ass Naruto."

"So I'm guess it went well?" Hmmm it went... alright I guess-you can say. "Well?"

"Yea it went, I stopped by a got her that necklace I knew she's like and I'd been eyeing and yea that's it."

"What? That's it? No man and wife time?"

"Do I look like a person who kisses a tells?" Naruto sighed, but a small smile came to his face.

"You've never been that open of a guy have you huh?"

"Yea, and this is the exact reason why. Then people try to get all into your business and put in their two cents, again very troublesome."

"Hmmm, so I'm guessing it didn't happen…"

"Huh….i didn't say that!"

"Whoa whoa relax, I'm just teasing. Well if anything, Shikadai had a fun time over with us."

"That's nice to hear, at least one of us had a nice time." I said scathing the back of my head, then I realized what I said, and boy did I feel dumb...ugh I couldn't even get myself to look at Naruto. I knew he would have that annoying ' do tell' expression on. "Uh, anyways if you need me I'll be in my office." I started walking towards that door.

"Right- oh Shikamaru one more thing !"

"Yea?" I turned to see him collecting a few papers from his desk.

"I forgot to ask, but could you give these to Temari for me?"

"Sure, what are they?"

"Report information about her mission, I know she didn't get to officially finished her mission and I haven't gotten a chance to speak with her about it. It's just more intel on what happened and the information she's collected. If you could get her to get back to me before the time the Kage meeting is, that be great."

"Right, I'll give them to her when I get home."

"Thanks man." He gave me the papers, and I then walked out of his room.

Temari

I guess this is the feeling that everyone calls slumped, because my body felt like everything was moving at a snails paces even my insides were moving at zero miles per hour it seemed. And if my body and insides were feeling like this, then that means my brain must be on a whole another level. Everything was fuzzy and the area between my eyes felt hot, I don't know, I've never felt this way before. The only good thing being in this condition was that I could sleep, and dream of nothing. I would just go in and out of the darkness. And I was okay with that…but now that that affect seemed to be wearing off I'm just up…well half way sitting up and feeling messy. If this is what being drunk is….i don't like It anymore….now that I'm not going in and out of sleep….I'm just stuck here…in my feelings, alone… and I hate it! I need water….or food….something to sober up.

Wobbling to the kitchen wasn't an option, I think I was glued to the wall for complete support. This was….sad, dam Temari what is wrong with you. Escaping to drinking to solve your problem? Hell, I was the one that use to get on Shikamaru about that when ever he would get in a runt when thinking about his dad or his sensei…and now I'M the one doing it! I make myself sick, how pathetic can I get?!

I don't know how I got to the kitchen. Everything everything was happening slowly …so slowly. I managed to hang on to the counter as life support while I fumbled to hold the empty sake bottle and fill it with running water. Now why wouldn't I just get a cup already ready for water….i don't know I'm drunk, it' making sense now so….I'll just deal with it. I tried my best to keep the bottle steady in my hands, but it eventually ending up falling to the floor shattering everywhere.

"Fuck!...g-great going…" I bent down to pick up the pieces, with my wet unsteady hands I might add. As I picked up one piece and stepped forwards I felt a stabbing pain in my right foot. " God dammit!" I fell backwards, dropping the glass I had collected, hitting the ground hard. When I opened my closed eyes, that were recovering from the pain, I finally saw a red steam leaving the bottom of my foot. "Ugh…you-you've got to be kidding me." I slowly got up on one knee….screw this walking thing, it's not working out for me. Plus I'd just have to clean up the blood from my foot if I walked. So I crawled and crawled…and crawled.

Dam why the hell is our house this dam big! It felt like it was taking forever for me to get to our bedroom and then to the bathroom. "Okay…n-now just open the cabinet." I now know that when you are drunk you can't do ANYTHING right! Before I knew it, I was opening the cabinet door, but instead of it stopping were it was suppose to it flew open!….or I guess I more or less made it fly open. Like my luck last time I was spilling things of both Shikamaru and mines ! What the hell was with me, what did I do to deserve this I just wanted a freaking bandage ! "Son of a….ughh!"

I half-way managed to stop most of the things from falling to the ground, how... I don't know, I'll just say it's the ninja in me. when I looked around the counter for what I was looking for. It wasn't even there, not one bandage in sight, what gives. I guess it must have fallen to the floor. I then looked to my feet there was stuff all over the floor too…I guess I didn't stop as much as I thought I did…hehe.

I went to the floor and gathered most of the things, then out of the corner of my see I finally saw that stupid bandage…but by this time, hell I was practically bleeding out on the floor " You caused me a lot of trouble…" I Voiced to no one but the bandage that wouldn't talk back, clearly. "Huh?" There were tons of pills everywhere on the floor, small white ones. What were they? As I picked on up I noticed they were my old birth control pills.

Geeze, I guess I just had them thrown away back there since I haven't use them….then suddenly out of nowhere I remembered something. I dropped everything in my hand and went over to that broken cabinet and look for my small calendar.

I moved things, and threw more things out of my way…dam my husband and I are hoarders-there is it! I opened the little booklet and flipped to this month. " 1..2…3…4…what?" I was…late. No's there's no way, I couldn't be late. I think the sake is really fucking with my senses now. I looked at myself straight in the mirror, if there was one thing I knew it was my body. For sure. I scrambled the foolish idea of that possibilities out my head, along with the small booklet calendar in my hand. Today just wasn't my bad, and as I looked down my foot which was still bleeding…. I thought to myself "I need another drink."


	4. Chapter Four

**MikiLovesShikaTema, Ewww I can't say. to be honest I draw randomly form an app to see what happens to my characters lol so the next few chapters are literally up to grabs. But thanks for reviewing and following the story.**

Temari

Okay how did this feeling of dread go from 0 to 100 in matter of seconds. I mean, just the thought is ridiculous, right. I was just freaking myself out, being late…the possibility of being late. I was simply over reacting, I know I was- I had to be. "I…I need to clean this mess up." I slowly got up, forgetting about my cut foot. I hobbled over to the bed, but before doing so I grabbed the bandage. I then wrapped my foot and compressed the bleeding. "…alright." As I placed my foot to the ground my hands automatically went to my lower stomach and rubbed it. I don't feel the same way I did on the inside when I was having Shikadai. I felt bubbly and light on the inside…everything with in me tingled. I'm not feeling that way now. I feel nothing but a load of heaviness…

I then got up an walked over to the bathroom, I started cleaning the mess I had made, even if I still had sake in my system something over ruled the drunken feeling I had before. Now everything, oddly seemed clear….slow but clear. When I was done fixing our bathroom I then went to the kitchen and picked up the fallen glass, and droplets of blood. There, now everything was done and the house was back in order. "Temari… dammit, you know what you have to do."

I had to be hard on myself, no one else was going to be real with me, like I needed it to be. My inner voice was screaming at me to get myself together. It was tired of all the nonsense and in a way I was too. Something was wrong with me and I'm to prideful- no not even that too scared to admit it! One thing I hate and never understood was fear…allowing something to have the will power over you. Psh, but I understand now…and I want to fix this. I hobbled back to our bedroom. Took another shower gathering myself for what I was about to do, when I. Out the shower, clothed…and had a somewhat decent mindset I heading out the door.

I walked slowly down the street holding my arms across my stomach. I know I just needed to talk to someone women to women. I knew just the ninja. As I came to the Uchiha residences I hoped I had caught her at a goodtime before he left for work. It was still early in the day, just a few hours after noon. I knew Sasuke would not be home, and Sarada was at school.

Knock knock…

I guess no one is home-

"Coming, give me a sec!" She must have been around the corner because she was at the door within no time. "Temari? Hello, what are you doing here?"

"Umm, I was just walking by and thought I stop by, can I come in?"

"Sure thing."

"I didn't catch you at a bad time did I?"

"Oh no, I'm off today, whats up? Can I get you anything to eat or drink?"

"No, I'm good…" I can't stomach anything anyway. "Sakura I-"

"Before you say anything, I know I'm off work, but I'm still your doctor. Temari I have to ask, how have you been doing? You left so suddenly I didn't get to finish up my work on you." She then eyed me, and it was like she already knew why I was there. In a way I was relived, that I didn't have to tell her, she just knew.

"That's actually why I'm here.. I don't know I've been feeling off lately…."

"Okay what kind of off?" I could already see the medical ninja taking mental notes.

"Well…I'm tried a lot. I can't get myself to sleep much if at all. I don't have much of an appetite, my stomach hurts …and it seems all the time now."

"And you've been feeling this way since you got back?" I bit my lip when I answered her, not because I was lying, but because I knew what this possible sickness could be. My heart couldn't take it.

"P-practically…yes." Ugh, why are my eyes getting watery, what is wrong with me. Why am I so emotional now? I can't keep myself together, everything just seems so much for me to take in. I turned away to wipe the tears running down my face. Before I knew it I felt two strong hands holding onto my shoulders, and just like before, with Shikamaru- memories suddenly began to flood me. I staggered away from Sakura pushing her hands away she looked at me puzzled. "I'm sorry…I -" suddenly I couldn't catch my breath, my throat felt extremely dry and rough. It hurt to breath almost, if that makes any sense. My lungs suddenly felt so heavy…like a ten tone weight was on them, I've never felt this way before in my life, what was happening to me! Sakura could see the fear in my own eyes as I struggled to make sense of my surroundings. She suddenly grabbed me tight and I felt her hand run down my back.

"Whoa Temari calm down! It's okay…breathe…just breathe."

Breathe….just breathe. After a few moments I could feel myself calming down, that or I was just getting dizzy. She helped me to the couch and just looked at me, until I gathered myself.

"I'm…I'm so sorry…I didn't mean for that to happen again…dammit…"

"It's okay Temari, you don't have to apologize for that. Here come get some water, I have something I think you'll need." I followed her to her kitchen and then to her bathroom, I sat down on the side of the bath tube while she went into a draw a grabbed a long thin white box. "Here take this, it will give you piece of mind." I looked at her like she was crazy…I'm not about to take a pregnancy test- I'm not pregnant, I thought this was a good idea. But it's not!

"Sakura-"

"Don't, I think you need to take this. You're saying your feeling off for the past few days, and beside we both know how babies are made Temari." My eyes widen when she said this….she knew? I guess my eyes gave away the voice in my head. "When I examined you the morning you got here….thats when I noticed the bleeding, I wanted to ask you about it, but you left. There was no protection involved was there?" I hung my head low

"..n…no, not that I can remember…none." I looked at the stick that I was familiar with. A few years after Shikadai was born, Shikamaru and I tried to have another child. It took some convincing for my lazy husband who was a single child, unlike myself. Having two younger brothers whom I'm close to. They made life interesting and fun, I always had them. Someone I could talk to around my age, even if I was older. I wanted Shikadai to have that too.We never gave it much thought really on how we would get pregnant again we just did it, or at least tried to, but in the end it never happened. I was alittle upset, but I figured it was suppose to be like this, me just having Shikadai. "You just keep these lying around?" I asked, finding anyway to stale my fate.

"Yes, I tell the younger girls at the hospital if they need any test done discreetly they can come here."

"Oh I see."

"Yea anyways I'll be right outside-"

"Actually….could you stay in here with me?" Before you say anything, I know to ask that of someone is weird, but I can't be alone right now and hell, she's a doctor, she's seen it all before anyway. This will be no different.

"Okay, sure." Sakura stood off to the side, while I took the test. It took little to no time, now came the hard part the waiting. It say this was the longest 5 minutes of my life would be an understatement, this felt like I was sitting in the pits of hell…. it all became to much for me.

"…I'm sorry…I have to go" I got up in a rush.

"Wait! where are you going it's almost-"

"No Sakura! I have to go.."

"You can't run from this Temari!" Sudden I felt those strong arms around my shoulders again ". I can't imagine what you're going thought what you went though, but you're showing really unhealthy behaviors. You and Shikamaru need to-"

"I can't tell Shikamaru" I found myself saying as tears threaten to fall down my face once more.

"You have to, he's your husband."

"You don't think I know that? You think I like keeping this from him? It's killing me, but I don't know how to tell him." I opened the door to exist but Sukarno was right behind me and closed the door before I could even get a step out. Now I wish I brought my fan with me.

"I know it must seem impossible but you have to! It won't be easy but you have to do this Temari." Then I felt an old fire stir in me, it wasn't as much as a fire, but a protective defensive. I…I wasn't going to do anything I didn't want to. No one could make me, I control myself! No one else had the power over me anymore! I found myself shoving the pink hair ninja to the other side of the room. She hit the wall hard, and then…I went off.

"How about you tell him for me then, since this is so important Sakura ! Or better yet, you tell me how you would tell your husband! Sense you have the answers to everything- tell him how on a mission- a mission to which he didn't want you going on in the first place! because he wants you to be a stay at home mom- tell him that's hat mission was a failure and not only that, but you were raped as well!" Tears were rolling down my face like a waterfall, I held onto my stomach so much my sides began to hurt and my fingers started to become numb. "You tell him how you were beaten and defenseless – You've never been so broken in you life!" I don't know when I collapsed to the floor or when Sakura put her arms around me. I was an utter mess and I hated it. "…look at me…c-crying…I'm ridiculous…"

"Temari, you have got to stop beating yourself up for this!"

"How?! It had to be my fault, I could have trained more…done more research on him hell- I fell into a simple genjutsu! Plus tracking is my specialty…I should have known better!"

"You had no idea this would happen to you Temari, this was a simple mission-"

"Exactly a simple one! This never would have happened before!" I then thought of the conversation or more so argument Shikamaru and I had before I even took the mission.

"You don't know that!"

"Then why it happen now…at a time were everyone is at peace…this happens. Shikamaru was right I should have never taken that mission, I wouldn't have been out there if I listened to him…"

"Temari. It's not like how it use to be when we were young, hell the stories I hear now in the ER. This generation is crazy, they have rules or morals they seem so desensitize to war, or causing harm to others . What happened to you didn't have to happen but some sick, twisted ninja took it that way. It was not you're fault do you hear me? It was NOT you're fault!"

"…yes but…"

"There is no but in this Temari. Stop being so damn hard on yourself dammit!" Well I for one had never seen Mrs Pink hair like this, maybe Sakura's right…maybe I am too hard on myself.

"…But how can I tell Shikamaru…" I could not only hear the dread in my voice, but feel it as well. I couldn't fathom telling Shikamaru what happened….It would crush me, and him and I can't put him though that.

"Temari?" My eyes wandered back over to Sakura, she was looking ahead at her bathtub rim, where I put my test down. "I think it's done." My body felt overwhelming hot, and I felt like I was going to be set ablaze any second. Was this a normal feeling? I don't know when, but I found myself clutching Sakura arm tight, refusing to let her leave my side…when did I become so depend on others? We stood up together and walked over to the tub. As I bent over to pick up my test my knees felt weak and I couldn't get my eyes to stare straight ahead. God, I couldn't get myself to look down at it-Dammit Temari the sooner you look the sooner you'll know, and you won't have to keep guessing.

"Fuck…this is harder than I thought."

"If you need me to tell you…I can."

"No. No, I can do it." I really didn't but… for a small nano-second I looked Down and saw two pink lines. Then all the strength in my legs and core disappeared, air was no longer in my body and certainty of everything I had and had known shattered before me. I know I wanted to get up and throw the test as far away from me as I could, but all I remember is my head hitting the cold floor and Sakura screaming my name.

Shikamaru

Man was it time to go yet? I let out the biggest yawn I could muster, trying to wake myself up. All my paperwork had been done for the day. I could have gone more, I could always do more, but right now I wan't feeling it. We had everything all set up for the Kage meeting, and I had talked to each of the kage separately to make sure there was no confusion. Kage meetings can be a rather tricky thing, thankfully it's a lot less trickier with the peace among the nations. Before hand, forming kage meetings would be like cutting off your own arm or leg just to get everyone in the room. Now the paperwork seems to be the most exhausting part, with everything done online now and what-not there is hardly any face time when it comes to communication, and if you can't see a person face, or hear their voice. You won't be able to pick up the manner of the conversation. The last time we tried to host an all online conference call the Mizukage and the Raikage were going back and forth in a typing spear war.

Apparently there was a 'typo' and Raikage typed something that Mizukage didn't like….or something along those lines. And all Naruto and I could do was watch the bickering unfold from the email. I'm not going to say it wasn't funny, hell it was probably the funniest thing I've seen in my life. But needless to say, we won't be having that problem again.

I leaned back in my chair. 3 pm huh? Let's see…Shikadai probably starting his training after school soon. I'll got some time to kill, I think I'll drop him off something to eat before he starts. As I got up my leg bumped the side of my desk and some papers few. I went over to pick them up, then I saw Temari mission file. Out of curiously I opened it up. " special mission, track and information…" as I continued to read I learned this ninja, so called Kuroi was a simple petty theft robber. Going from village to village stealing things and causing trouble. "Geeze he sounds like a real pain in the ass." I looked over to stats just to see what he had, anything unique to him, but the section was blank. For a ninja to be going in and out of villages stealing, he must have had something up his sleeves to be able to get away. Hmm

Ring Ring…

"Wonder who that could be…" normally when I got any call at work it would be from the office phone, not my cell phone. Everyone knows I'm at work, I really only have this thing Incase of emergency. "Hello?"

"Shikamaru it's me Sakura."

"Sakura?" I looked down to see the caller ID as Temari. "What are you doing with Temari's phone?"

"She's over here so I'm using her phone to call you…"

"Okay, is there something wrong?" There was a slight pause.

"No, not really she just wasn't feeling good and came over to talk. She's resting on the couch now."

"Well that's good, she's been off to me alittle. She tell you anything?" I asked sitting back in my chair.

"What do you mean?"

"Uh I don't know, I'm just getting the feeling she's not fully herself, ya know. But I think that's just me overthink it as always, but she's okay?."

"Yes she's fine, I wanted to tell you she'll be staying at my house tonight."

"Two grown women throwing a sleep over?"

"Ha, very funny."

"I know I'm just kidding. But if you say so then I'm good. I was just about to drop something off for Shikadai at school, I'll just give him a few extra dollars to get something dinner then too."

"Yea, that sounds good. But I know you're at work so I'll talk to you later, bye."

"Later." I hung up the phone. "…somethings up." I found myself saying. It didn't take my brain long to think of the different reasons for Sakura to call me, using my wife's phone no less. It had to have been something serious. To where Temari went to see Sakura and Sakura herself having to call and tell me Temari won't be home. But her voice…it sounded normal. Well, when she didn't have that slight pause, and thinking about it, Sakura is a medical ninja who's job is to remain calm in all scenarios. Yet knowing myself she probably did something around the house, or training, and she's not fully recovered from her mission. They did mention it would take a week or two. Temari hate hospitals so I guess going to the doctors house is the next best thing. I scratched the back of my head, puzzled of the feeling that was over coming me…was it uncertainty? Worry? "Uh you troublesome women…you love causing me problems, don't you." Oh well, if anything, I'll stop by the Uchiha's residents later today.

Temari

Ugh, my head was throbbing, what the hell did I even do? My eyes slowly opened to the darkness of a cold room. Where was I ? I rose slowly to a sitting up position, my head still pounding. " Damn…huh?" As I rubbed the back of my head, I saw a light in the hallway. I walked over towards it, the soft light led me down a small feeling hallway. I leaned inside the door frame. I guess I must have made some sort of noise, because the pink hair ninja who had her back towards me soon turned to face me. Eyes widening.

"Temari, you're awake?" She soon walked over to me and took my hand. " Come on and sit down." I followed what she said, I didn't see the need for the urgency but maybe she knew something I didn't. "How are you feel-"

"Mom! I'm done fixing the table-uh oops sorry." Sarada came walking into the room. She is already home? What time is it? It has to be late in the evening now if she's home, and Sakura is fixing dinner.

"Thanks dear, just wait in the other room for me okay."

"Yes mom."

"How long have I been here?" I asked, looking to Sakura.

"The majority of the day, you came over to t-"

"I know." I said cutting her off, looking down at my lap. " I should be heading home Shikadai probably starving."

"It's okay I told shikamaru you were with me, and that you be staying the night."

"What? You did, why?" I didn't even have the energy to be mad or surprised or…. Anything really.

"Because Temari as your friend I think you need some time to think about your situation, you know...away from home where you can get triggered. Besides you hit your head hard on the floor earlier today, you might have a concussion ." Triggered? Why didn't i like the use of that word...like it was different when used with me.

"Well…it's not like I haven't hit my head hard on something before."

"Yes but this is different, you didn't hit your head in training or on a mission, Temari. You had like…a panic attack, I don't know everything was happening to suddenly."

"I felt that way before, but it never was that bad where I blacked out…I guess finding out must have been too much."

"You've have them before?"

"Yea I guess, it was when shikamaru…uh never mind."

"What what is it?"

"….it's nothing."

"Temari, tell me" she took my hands in hers and held them tight.

"The other day Shikamaru came home early to surprise me, and it was so nice until he tried to kiss me…and I started panicking…one moment we're together and the other….he's flying toward the floor…"

"Temari…."

"I didn't mean for that to happen…if anything I wanted to be embraced by my husband but in the end…I couldn't. It was like I was afraid of him."

"Shikamaru?" I shook my head.

"No…"

"Oh, I see." There was a slight pause between us. " he doesn't know, so he wouldn't think that doing that would trigger you."

"Yea…so it's not his fault."

"It's not your fault either."

"Right." I voiced not too convinced. "But I should be getting home now, I feel like I've over stayed my welcome and you need to get things ready for Sarada. Trust me I'm –"

"Don't say you're fine, Temari." Her eyes locked dead with mine. " I feel like you're avoiding help too."

"…I actually wasn't going to say that. I know I'm far from fine but…I'm not trying to avoid your help i-I just want to go home."

"Are you sure you're okay? I think you should stay the night at least or eat something, you looked drained." Well at least I look the way I feel.

"No thank you, I appreciate. I really do, but I'm just going to head home." I got up and started walking towards the door, it was already dark outside and the air was cooler than before.

"Temari…" Sakura began to say something, but I guess she was fighting within herself to figure out what to say. "just please be careful, I'm worried about you, and not as your doctor but friend. Just promise me if you need anything you won't hesitate to call me , okay?"

"Yea, you got it. Thank again."

I stepped out into the side walk and she closed the door behind me. My walk home was still and silent. Nothing and no one was making a sound, there were no people out in the streets tonight, no night bugs flying, nothing.

As I stepped in our doorway I paused. I couldn't convince my feet to move any further for some reason. I knew on the other side of this door would be my husband and son who I couldn't see myself facing, especially my husband. Not with this secret I had inside me. I bite my lip and twiddled my fingers, it was actually freezing out here and I could see my breath in the night air. Oddly enough this wether would have me freezing my ass off, especially being from Suna I loved anything and everything warm. But now my body felt like it was on fire. Like the desert heat was nothing compared to this burning sensation that was drowning my body.

"Temari just open the door…open the door-" suddenly the knot started to turn without my hand. Crap. With in seconds I was greeted by the inside light and taller looming figure.

" Tem?" I heard my little pet name voiced in the cold air. I looked halfway up to see him.

"Hi um" before I could say anything I saw the large trash bag in his hand. " Oh I'm in your way."

"No I was just about to take the trash out." He moved to the side so I could come in, as I stepped inside the smell of food hit me. I wasn't expecting that, at least I knew my boys wouldn't be hungry. I could hear in the distance Shikadai game, he must be playing it in his room. " I didn't think you'd be home tonight. At least that's what Sakura told me." That's right she did call him…

"Something smells good?" I voiced looking at the pot cooking on the stove.

"Yea I picked something up on the way home."

"Pre-made I assume?"

"Oh yea, ha you guys don't need to remind me how bad I am at cooking." I smiled slightly at him but my gaze was down, I didn't even notice him walking towards me, he leaned in and kissed my forehead. My cheeks instantly blushed red. "You're freezing Tem, how long have you been staying out there?"

"Not long." I didn't even realize I was that cold.

"You should have called me, Tem, I would have come and gotten you."

"I'm sorry I didn't think of that." He eyed me and I looked back at him. I couldn't avoid his gaze, if I did , then he would know something was wrong. But Shikamaru eyes were like ninja hounds, they could find anything they were screeching for if they were given the slightest clue given. "Shikadai's in his room?"

"Yea, I was about to call him down the food should be ready. Here you want a bowl?" Eat…and I not going to lie it did sound tempting, but I couldn't eat anything. If I did I would feeding…his child…

"No thanks I'm good, I ate at Sakura's."

"Hmp, I had a feeling you say that."

"Huh?"

"When I talked to Sakura earlier today, she said you had come to see her."

"I did."

"Yea, and that had me thinking that it must be something serious. After all it isn't like you to go to anyone for help." Yea so what, I can't ask for help? Am I too good for it….i guess I try to convince myself I am. " but she told me not to worry and I trust her."

"That go-"

"But I don't trust you."

"W-what do you mean?"

"Easy Tem, that selfless nature of your-plus that strong head on your shoulders , you makes it hard for others to know if something is wrong, including me. I know you don't mean it, but it happens and it is frustrating at times. You're my wife so you coming to me if something is wrong, don't look at it as a problem for me…it's what I'm trying to say more or less." I looked down at my feet, wow. I didn't know I was such a problem fro him. "So here." He handed me a bowl of warm soup. "I nice bowl just for you, and you're eating it Tem." I…i…wow…It's amazing how he has to deal with me.

"I can't argue with you otherwise?" I gave him a look and he shot me the same look back with his annoying yet irresistible smile. He was amazing. And that airy feeling I use to get when we went on our first date came back to me just then. This man never ceases to amaze me.

"Not this time, I'm going to get Shikadai and clean up some. Oh and before I forget there some paperwork that naruto wants you to fill out."

"Naruto?"

"Yea, I'm glad I remembered I've been swamped with everything pertaining to this upcoming Kage meeting."

"That's right it is this week right? I should get the house ready for Gaara shouldn't I."

"yea, I'll help you with it tonight if you want."

"Okay. And where is that paperwork from Naruto?"

"Oh the edge of the counter." He then walk back to get our son. I went over to the counter and picked up the paper. It was my mission file…I forgot you had to report these if a mission was incomplete. I opened the folder, there was all my information. My strengths, my weakness, my speciality everything that was Temari Nara of the sand. And on the other side…the ninja I would be gathering information on, well would have been….i sallowed hard as I read the rest of the paper. In detail, write what happened on your mission and why it wasn't more or less successful. Right down all details collected and or remembered, please give this back by the end of the week. Great.


	5. Chapter Five

**MikiLovesShikaTema, yea I know! My heart is breaking too I have no idea what Temari will do yet i havent flipped my coin!**

 **Juliette, Thank you!**

Chapter Five

( the same night)

Temari

Shikamaru was in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner, Shikadai was in his room getting ready for bed, and I was in our bathroom with the door closed. Dinner with my family was amazing, it always is, I enjoy every second of it. We have very few times when Shikamaru is home from work at the decent hour to even have meals together. So when he's home I try to make sure he has a good time with us and work is the furthest thing from his mind. Yet, I couldn't think of that today, my mind was elsewhere the whole time. Shikamaru would talk, or Shikadai would say something and I'd just be in-and -out of if. I'm sure they noticed. My brain just couldn't stop wandering to 'it'.

My pregnancy test sign hadn't change to my dismay, I was too hopefull that the earlier half of the day was some horrid day dream. That later on today.. surely things would right itself, and everything would change. But that is not the case. I'm stuck here looking at it. Face to face, nothing changing.

"Uh…right…"

Knock knock

I nearly jumped from my sit when I heard the knock on the door. " Can I come in?"

"Uh…just a sec!" And even though I said this the door handle was still turning. Husbands, words go in one ear and out the other. I went into a panic…I could not let shikamaru see my pregnancy test. What do I do, what do I do! I saw a draw, I opened it and I threw it in there. The moment I closed the drawer shikamaru came in. " I said just a second."

"Oh did you?" I rolled my eyes, he plays too much. He's so annoying. " I just peeked in on Shikadai, he's sleep."

"Oh?" I looked at the clock it was only 10:30. Normally I want him in bed by 9:30, I know he goes to bed at 9:30 but he doesn't go to sleep. He stays up playing that dam game of his. I tell you these kids think they're smarter than us or something! I know when I here noise coming from you room you aren't asleep- even if you don't answer my calls. Shikamaru just spoils him and lets him stay up playing his game and then he wonders why he's so sleepy in the morning! " I'm guessing dinner must have knocked him out."

"Hmp, he seemed to have a good time." I watched him take down his hair. He's getting ready for bed? This is even early for him, usually he stays up a least another few hours to get some work done, so he's prepared for the next day.

"He likes it when both his parents are home." I looked at shikamaru to see his response. He hates when I bring up the subject of his work hours, but I can't help it at times. I know Shikamaru is needed to help Naruto maintain peace and order in the village but…I'm not going to lie and say it isn't hard being home all day, knowing you won't see your husband. And even when he does come home, I'm usually asleep and besides he's too tried when he comes home anyway. " I think it be good if you tried to come home early more often."

"Well, with this next kage meeting coming up that would be possible." I sighed already knowing the answer, but it still hurts just the same.

"I know." I began to walk out of the bathroom, but I felt a tub on my kimono as I passed my husband.

"Look, it's not like I don't try to come home early. Work just gets busy Tem."

"I know that, but it just get tiring sometime when I have to keep telling Shikadai that."

"He's 12 years old . He's old enough to understand his father's busy."

"He's still a child nonetheless Shikamaru. Spending more time with his father would be good for him." We had had this discussion before- before my mission actually. The situation had been weighting on my mind for a while and I finally told him what I felt and how I thought he could handle it differently. Being the former ambassador for Suna I know balancing work and life could be impossible. But I still managed. My ears heard a small sigh escape his throat. " don't worry, I'm not going to nag you about it…"

"Wait." I felt the tug on my kimono grow stronger as my husband turned around and leaned his back against the sink. Both arms wrapped around me. " I know me taking the job as the Hokage right-hand-man has been hard. Trust me, before I took the job I didn't think it intel this much. But it's a job given to me, I have to give it 100% even if it's a drag…which means the long hour and annoying paperwork."

"I understated that Shikamaru I do, but I still feel you can manage your time better. You're barely here sometimes it's like you don't even live here." I found myself saying, even if i only wanted to think it and not say it.

"Mmm, is that why you enlisted for missions again?" I paused for a moment…not this again. The last thing I wanted to do was argue with him. "Well?" What do you want me to say? We've talked about this before...

"Well…it wasn't just that. Yes you being gone did play some part but it wasn't everything. I missed being a Shinobi, I missed going on mission, I missed having another purpose."

"I know that but still…"

"Still what? I've always been a Shinobi Shikamaru, I was one before I met you, before we got together and before we had Shikadai. It's always been apart for me. It was fine the first few years after Shikadai was born. But after a while….i felt like something was missing."

"Hmp, like raising that lazy son of ours isn't enough." I saw a smirk on his lip from, but I wasn't in the least bit assumed. He just….he just doesn't get it! No matter how I try to explain this to him it just doesn't seem to go through that genius brain of his. "What?" I guess he could see I wasn't assumed.

"It's nothing." I tried to turn and leave but he wouldn't let me. "..ugh….Shikamaru"

"What just tell me…there must be something I'm not getting. I just figured everything was good, and then you brought up the whole reenlisting thing out of nowhere. I mean why would you want to be bothered with mission anymore?"

"I mentioned this to you numerous times, you just weren't paying attention…"

"….ugh women…don't do this to me."

"Do what?!"

"Make me feel bad about this!"

"I'm not making you feel bad about this, if anything you're making me feel bad about it!"

"Wait, how?"

"Are you kidding me Shikamaru?!"

"No, please enlighten me."

"I knew the moment I told you I was reenlisting you didn't like."

"What do you mean, I didn't say anything about it!"

"Exactly my point! When you don't like a situation Shikamaru you tend to not talk about it."

"Hmp, you and me both then…" ugh, I can't stand him sometimes…. "Look…I just don't see the point in all that risk, we were both enlisted once, we did what we had to do for our village I mean what are you really gaining from this?" I sighed crossing my arms in front of me.

"Whatever...you wouldn't get it. I mean you're still serving your village."

"Well maybe if you explain it to me in a different way I could- why do you need to do this?"

"I already told you it's apart of me !and doing this I gain apart of the old me back..."

"Huh?"

"You wouldn't understand shikamaru you're a man. You don't have to be bothered with it."

"What does me being a man have to do with anything?!"

"Well apparently everything, since this is so hard for you to understand!" He still had a puzzled look on his face, ugh for the love of god… "when we got engaged do you remember the whole uproar it caused?"

"Of course I do, how could I forget?"

"And how did we solve it?"

"Easy you signed with dual citizenship, what the problem-"

"The problem is I just feel like I've given all of myself way! I could no longer be the Suna ambassador since I took Leaf citizenship, to be with you I had to leave my village and drop my name, and when I had Shikadai I had to just drop everything the old Temari loved doing because I had to be a mom first, your wife and support second and myself never! I love you and Shikadai with all my heart but I'm more than just some stay at home mother, I'm a village Shinobi. I don't want to just stay here all day- I can't, it drives me crazy!"

" You said you wanted to stay home with Shikadai while he was growing up, since I wouldn't be there as much, I thought that was something we both agreed to do?"

"Agree, shikamaru what other choice did we have? And besides That's when he was younger… and he's 12 now. And like you said he's old enough to understand-"

"So now he's old enough to not have both parents around?"

"I've always been there for Shikadai he knows that! I raised our son to be independent." I soon felt Shikamaru hands leave my waist and I stepped away from him some. " look I'm not complaining to you Shikamaru about your hours…or spending time with our son more, I know your work is important. I knew when you got into office I would be raising him most of the time. I was prepared to be a single parent at times…I'm not going to say it wasn't hard- it down right sucked! But I know your work is important to you, I just wished you had supported me going back on missions more." He turned his back to me and sucked his teeth, a classic irritated and thinking Shikamaru sign. Why was this upsetting him so? "Talk to me."

"And tell you what Tem? You're going to keep going on missions aren't you?"

"That's not the point just tell me how you feel, instead of just keeping it to yourself!." He still said nothing so I spoke for him. "Do you think I'm selfish, is that it? Am I selfish for leaving my family for my village?" He then suddenly turned to face me.

"Damn, I don't know Tem! How am I suppose to feel? I am listening to you, and I do understand but honestly all I can see is you being gone for days at a time hell months even-and I have no clue what's going on with you! I don't know if you're safe or hurt, if everything went okay! You and I both know how south a mission can go and you know how that makes me feel!"

"Shika…"

"To be frank, I don't like you going because I can't be with you to protect you! Ugh do you have any idea how worried I was about you when I heard you had been brought back to the village by medical ninja… I thought the worse! Of course I didn't show it because I didn't want to worry Shikadai- and I didn't want you to think it bothered me that much. But it does! I don't feel comfortable with you going out Tem. I would rather you be here by my side where I know you're safe."

"Is that it?...you don't think I can protect myself…"

"Ugh,I'm not saying that…look times have changed, it's not how it use to be when we were young Shinobi. Even in a time of peace things can still happen-" I felt my blood start to boil.

"I know that, I'm not a child Shikamaru don't talk to me like one!"

"Well you're acting like one reenlisting and not even thinking of the possible danger ! We have a family-what if something happened to you Tem, I wouldn't forgive myself! Can you see where I'm coming from with this Temari?"

"Yes I do, so... what do you want me to do about it?" I asked skeptically. Again he nothing but rubbed his forehead like he was getting some headache- if anything I'm the one getting the headache ! " So you want me to just stop going on missions now, is that what you're saying ?"

"Look I'm not saying it like that-"

"But you are though."

"No, that's how you're taking it, women."

"Well is there anyway else for me to take it? The bottom line is you don't want me going!"

"At the end of the day I don't see the risk of it all!"

"So what are you going to do... stop me?" I raised a brow at him and he furrowed his brows at me.

" If it's too risky then yes" I had to blink twice and stare hard at him, what did he just say?

"Excuse me... Shikamaru...You can't do that."

"If I feel it's necessary then I will, look Tem you fear nothing- which is a problem!" Fear... I had fears what did he know about them. Just because I don't announce my fears to the world doesn't mean they aren't there. "You tend to throw yourself into situations more often then not, correct?" Hmm, and how many times has that throwing myself into situations saved his ass? Right !

"So you're my keeper now? And I'm suppose to have everything go through you, please you sound like you're trying to be my father than my husband. I'm a grown women Shikamaru! I don't need to go through you for ANYTHING!"

"Please it's not like I'm controlling you!"

"But you are! I don't believe you!"

"Me?! I'm doing the right thing by you and by our family Temari! What don't you get about that, I know you women are stubborn but geese!" Ugh i wasn't worried about waking Shikadai...I swear. "I'm just worried okay, can you really fault me for that? I mean this last mission what if something else could have happened and it was more than a sprain ankle and a few bruise then what!?"

"Nothing happened !"

"Well something must have happened if you called off your mission early, that not like you." There he goes assuming with that dam brain of his. Why can't he just leave it !

" I really can't with you Shikamaru! Just leave it , it wouldn't be your problem anyway!"

"I'm your husband so it would be MY problem-" this whole husband duty, why did he always have to bring that up. He knows I can't stand it! Yes you're my husband but i don't need you for every freaking thing! I came into this world and survived a lot so being married isn't going to change anything, I've always faced challenges alone...fine! You get married and then it's like they own you! I can't tell you how many times i wanted to strangle my mother-in-law with her constant ' what will your husband think? what will he do? does your husband know?' Ugh who cares! Yes he is the clan leader, and i know i have to consider somethings because it could effect the clan but...it seems like everything i do has to be for the benefit of some else and if it's not -I shouldn't of can't do it! And we all know how i hate being told i can't do soemthing...

"The last time I checked I wasn't some damsel in distress that needed to be saved with every beckoning call, i am more than capable of handling MYSELF! And also the last time I check what happened to ME didn't happen to YOU!" I slammed the door behind me, but it didn't take long for the door to reopen.

"Tem?!"

"Leave me alone, I'm going to bed…goodnight !" I flung the covers over me and refused to surface.

"Ugh why do you always have to make things so difficult?!"

"I said GOODNIGHT!" I heard him say a few words of anger under his voice. I don't blame him, and yet I said nothing. I heard him walk down the hallway and and fumble to put on his shoes. Idiot. I heard our door closed as the sound was being muffled by me wiping away my sad and frustrated tear filled eyes.

Shikamaru

Man that women can be difficult ! I swear sometimes, how do I deal with her? That temper she has for gods sake- and she says I need to work on being my laziness. Hell - maybe she's right, maybe I'm just the one over reacting. Maybe she did mention her wanted to re-enlist with missions and I wasn't paying attention to her. Damnit if I am a husband like that, I'd like to think I am attentive… well maybe that's in my head that I think I am when I'm really not.

Or maybe she's just trying to get to me for not being home as much. Women can be tricky to understand and I wouldn't play it pass them- some of them. To want to make their husbands lives hell. But what am I saying? Temari is not that type of women to do that. If anything she'd guilt me for Shikadai sake not hers. And if anything she was right, I guess I didn't consider much of her side of things…and I guess I didn't truly know how she felt about somethings. I might have been thinking too much as the 'man' of things. Ugh what a dam drag…

Dam I'm almost out of this pack, and to think I thought it was going to last me this whole week funny how that worked out huh. I rounded the corner down he Main Street and stopped when I saw a familiar face walk out of the most popular ramen shop.

"Aye! Shikamaru is that you?" I scratched the back of my head and crossed the street. " I almost didn't recognize you with your hair down!" Right I forgot I was about to head to bed early.

"How's It going Choji? Mind if I ask what are you doing out so late ?"

"Oh man, I just got back from a mission not too long ago. I'm really just getting back into the village."

"And stopping to eat is the first thing you do, haha I guess you wouldn't be Choji if you didn't."

"Yea, guilty as charged, what are you doing out here it is rather late? I mean I know you work late in the office sometimes." My only reponse was I long sigh and I thought about what I was going to say. But knowing Choji and how h he knows we enough and already knew ."ahh the long sigh, that could only mean one thing. What up now is the Nara household?" Hmp, what isn't.

"Ya know, I wish they had a book on what and what-not to do was a husband. It make life so much more easier."

"Aye, I agree with that, maybe you should be the one to write it. After all you are very book smart."

"Please, It'll be too troublesome. And beside thinking about the problem will probably irritate and consume me more then finding the solution to the problem."

"Yea, that can happen."

" Hey Choji, mind if I ask you something?"

"Sure, what's up man?" Hmm, I rubbed the back of my neck, how do I ask this…I guess I just ask it and come right out with it right?

"So what do you and your wife do when your both agree on something, but the matter is important to the other person?"

"Hmmm, I guess it depends how strongly you both feel about it?"

"Let's agree that the feeling is strong on both sides."

"Well that my friend is a tough one."

"Yea…Temari re-enlisted for missions, she actually just came back from one."

"Oh."

"Yea, I was worried sick when I had to pick her up from the hospital."

"She okay?"

"Yea, she's fine, at least that's what she's telling me. If I could read minds then I probably know the truth. She ended her mission early for some reason and it bugs me not knowing.

"And I'm guess she wants to continue going on missions?"

"Yup."

"And you don't want her to?"

"Yup." I took a drag from my cigarette.

"And you guys just got done with an argument?"

"Yup."

"And you left to go on a walk to think about it?"

"Bingo." Man I'm glad this man knows me the way he does, it makes talking with him a lot easier.

"Well I don't know man. That's a hard one. As husbands we're suppose to support our wives…"

"But still at the same time…."

"Yea…I don't know man, I guess I would have to really be in the situation myself to really have a clear answer." Hell I'm in the situation and my thoughts about the manner are confused as hell. I think I'm doing the best thing- even if it might suck, and hell this is life. And life isn't a ball of sunshine all the time. The moments are rare, far few and in between, and I know the pain of losing a parent and teacher and I refuse to let my son experience that. I know Temari lost both her parents herself, but she was young and she's told me before it's hard for her to remember them. But it isn't for me, I remember the day, hours and seconds I lost both my father and Sensei. It's an experience I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy in truth.

"Well really who am I to give orders right? even if I think they are for the best." I put out my cigarette by flattening it under my sandal. " I probably just worry too much right?"

"Well you have valid reasons."

"Hmm, guess I'm just worried about my losing my Kings in the game." I yawned, man was I beat with all this "Anyway man let me not keep you, I know you want to get back to Karui and Chocho."

"Right! Thanks man, and besides you better get back home too, it'll work out once your back home man." Hmm lets hope so.

"Right, cya man."

 **okay so this wasn't apart of my original outline, but I felt I needed to add this in for deeper Clarity and also I feel like this is an actual conversation she and Shikamaru would have. I feel Kishimoto did some of the leaf kunoichi bogus by making them all seem like stay at home moms…that's just my take, especially Temari, who I feel even married and with a kid would be more active still as an ambassador or something. I mean she was really good at what she did! Bu that's just my take.**


	6. Chapter Six

MikiLovesShikaTema, Yes Shikamaru loves him some Temari. I love the intricacy of their relationship, and I'm worried about him too, I really have no idea how he will react.

kimimakasato, yes Shikamaru nature can make anyone cry lol, and don't worry I will continue soon! And I'm nervous for Temari when she'll tell him….i don't know how do you tell your significant other about this?

Chapter Six

Temari

I sat on the edge of the red sheet twin bed. I watched his calm breathing, one of his headphones hanging out of his ear. This hands barely clutching his game from falling to the floor. Shikadai loves that stupid game of his, I know he wont let it fall, he'll wake up out of his deepest sleep if that were to happen. Hmp… I don't know why but watching my son sleep seemed to clam me. It always has, it doesn't matter the time or place or reason really, whenever I was upset about something – including my arguments with shikamaru- I come in his room and just watch my son. Then everything else didn't matter, only the important things.

Maybe I just need a reality check, maybe I don't have my priorities straight? I ran my hand threw my sons hair. Man, he looked just like Shikamaru when he slept." Mm, I'm so glad you can sleep soundly my mini Shika, I know you hate It when your father and I argue…" I sighed and bit my lip. " Maybe your father is right and I just can't admit it…I am known to be stubborn. I'm just being selfish I guess…I should apologies to him….i did slam the door in his face." My son continued to sleep soundly, his chest slowly rising and falling with his small lazy snore as I vented to him. "…no…I can't do that, he fussed at me, and he knows I hate it when he fusses at me. Even if he is right…he's just as passionate I guess, so I can't be mad at him. It still makes me nervous seeing him worked up just the same" I leaned over and placed a kiss on my baby's cheek. " your mother just doesn't know what to do now…with everything that's happening... Oh Shikadai, promise me you'll grow up to be just like your father. Sure he's rough around the edges at time- so am i. But he loves me for it anyway, and I wouldn't change anything about him for the world. He gave me you, and your absolutely prefect…"

 ** _Prefect_** …the word seemed to stab me at my tongue, and that stabbing feeling soon turned in to dry and irritated one. My eyes blinked, I tried to learn my vision **_' just prefect…_** " then suddenly Shikadai wasn't next to me anymore …it was me. And I wasn't in his room anymore, I was laying down shaking and cold…but how was I watching myself…where was i….everything was black around me. **_" so pretty…_** " I watched as his hand slowly came down and caressed the back of my head… it was large…and cold, and it wasn't my husband warm and gentle one…

No…this hard hand ran though my tangled hair, the slightest touched hurt me so much as I laid on the frozen floor, trying to desperately cover myself from his eyes as he played in my hair. **_" I'm sorry I have to leave so soon, looks like my plans got ruined some how- I did truly enjoy our time."_** Stop touching me….stop touching me!...i could have sworn I thought it, but why weren't the words coming out of my mouth! why-why was I not saying anything?! ... I was just laying there…crying. **_"But don't you worry, I've left you a parting gift…my village regards to yours you can say."_**

"W-what…." I finally regained my sanity as my blurry vision came to. I was back in my sons room….he was still sleep. I was still next to him with my hand out, reaching for his hair…but my arm was frozen in the air- shaking. my cheeks were cold with signaler tear streaks. It took me a moment to figure out how to control my extended limbs. And when the connection from my brain and body finally clicked my arm flopped down in my lap. I looked down at my hand strangely. What the hell happened…. "Did I just hallucinate or something?"

Sweat starting to form on my forehead as his words hang in the back of my head… _**I've left you a parting gift…my village regards to yours**_ … my stomach soon started to cramp. My feet found their way to the wooden floor and though Shikadai's door. I threw my sweating face over the seat of the toilet, pouring my stomach content into it. It burned my throat and hurt the hell out of my lungs as I coughed up everything. It made my eyes even more watery than what they already were.

When it was all over I sat there hunched over, breathing hard clutching my stomach. That dam bastard…look what he did to me! Why…why did you do what you did to me?! I don't understand!… I desperately got up onto my numb feet to wash my face with some hot water. My eyes made a connection with the women in the mirror. Even if she was my reflection, I felt so out of body. I didn't even know the women I was looking at, with her and her burning dark secret.

Suddenly I heard the front door open. My eyes darted from the clock to the hallway. 1 am…Shikamaru must have calmed down some since he returned home. I heard the muffled noise of him sitting down and taking off his sandals. He was probably heading this way… I flicked the bathroom lights off and returned to our bed retaking the same shape I had before he left. My ears automatically kneed in on his walking as he came down the hall. He walked evenly on the floor, which meant he knew where he was going. I held my breath….i couldn't think of a reason of why I was I doing that?

He surprised me when he walked passed our room and down the hall and then I knew. He was going to check on Shikadai's room first. I guess when he found out that I wasn't there he knew where else to go. He walked into the bedroom slowly, and sat on the edge of the bed. I heard him take off his clothes first this shirt….then his pants. Again, I found my breath caught in the back of my throat. Breath Temari! This is your husband for crying out loud!

He crawled into bed. His movement caused the bed to shift some, and causing me to lean more in his direction.

"Temari…you awake?" Nothing…I said nothing, I closed my eyes and pretending to be alseep. I want to think he didn't believe me. A few seconds of me not saying anything he removed the covers from my face so he could actually see me. Just…act asleep…act asleep. I calmed my breathing as much as I could as I felt his gaze on me from over my shoulder. "Hmm.." he then dropped the covers back. Thank God that worked. I don't think I could handle having another conversation with him right now, I was already worked up with that hallucination or whatever that saw back in Shikadai's room. I still can't believe it happened. My nerves and my sanity or whatever was left of it...I was really starting to question myself now. "Right…goodnight."

I sighed a bit of relief in my head. But before he was truly settled to go to bed, he leaned back towards me kissing the back of my head. A classic Shikamaru…'I'm sorry for before' apology. This simple action melted my heart and hurt my soul at the same time. He was still so good to me... even when he's mad. This man truly spoils me. I'm sure he must have heard me under the covers as I struggled to muffle my falling tears.

Shikamaru

Man wasn't my plan last night to get to bed early for once? Hmm, well I guess how my night went that really didn't go to plan. Anyways, I have got to stop doing these all nighters for Naruto, they are such a drag.

I sat back in my chair rubbing my head, I could feel a migraine would be visiting me today-great another pain. As I looked outside my window I could see that the skies seemed grey and partly cloudy, like it wanted to rain or something. Would it be too much to ask for a little good weather? Rainy weather always seems to bring my day down. And hearing that the weather this whole week would be crappy...can I just take a week off?

As I started to gather my paperwork together, I could smell the breakfast Temari was cooking in the kitchen. And if my ears did serve me right, I think I could hear her humming too, she seems in a better mood now from last night. A mood she probably had because of me, I hoped when I can home she'd be awake. Guess I was out too late.

As I stood in the doorway I could hear the song she was singing _Natsuhibushi._ She would always sing that to Shikadai to get him to sleep when he was a baby. If she was singing that she must be in a good mind. Funny though, her attitude now was polar opposite from a few hours ago. It was probably around three or four in the morning when I hear it. She was having another nightmare. It didn't last long, and by the time I had left my study and got to the room she had already fallen back alseep.

At first, I thought it was nothing serious. But when I went over to check on her she was a sweating mess, and I could have sown I heard her saying something like " i'm sorry..." and then saying my name. I don't know, something had had to happen to her that she is not telling me. That Temari isn't the women I know, having nightmares and freezing when I get close to her. I know her, and something is off. I just can't think of what it could be. I mean what would she be sorry for that she couldn't talk to me about?

"Shikamaru ! Shikadai! if you don't come down now and eat you'll be late!"not going to lie, hearing her yell- I froze first thinking I was in touble haha. Then I remembered, right... work, seems like I forgot all about that. I grabbed my things and walked out my study slowly.

"Morning." I voiced, walking passed her, I looked from the corner of my eye, she seemed to act normal.

"Good morning." Her back was turned to me.

"How you feeling Temari?"

"Good." She was still turned away from me. Hmm the husband in me something was still up- but she was just singing her favorite song? Before I could ask her another question Shikadai came walking in.

"Morning mom, dad." He took his sit at the table and Temari gave him his breakfast.

"You better hurry up and eat this." She warned him, but with a smile. "Here's yours Shikamaru " she stood handing me my plate, I took it. But to be honest working all nighters really leave me in a not wanting to eat mood. And also I wanted to try something to see if she was still mad at me from yesterday.

"Thanks Temari, but I think I'm just going to have coffee this morning." I put the plate down. As I said this Shikadai looked over to me, half scared and confused like I was crazy. Temari is really big on breakfast for sure, one because you need to eat something in the morning for fuel and then there's the other reason-her favorite reason, to remind me that she didn't have to get up early to cook breakfast if we weren't going to eat it. So my lazy ass should be thankful. So you can guess I expected to hear some backlash for my decision, however she said nothing.

"Okay, that's fine. I'll save it for later." Now my son and I were looking at each other confused.

"What! you're not going to tell dad how important breakfast is?" Voiced Shikadai in disbelief.

"I'm not going to make him do something he doesn't want. He's a grown man." What? I must have not heard her right. She is not going to make me do something I don't want to do- as in my wife is giving me a choice? She's still mad at me for sure. "but you on the other hand, EAT. No one's going to pick you up from school because you passed out."

"But what if dad passes out? Are you going to get him from work?"

"I'll think about it." But she smiled at me when she said this... so she's not mad at me? Damn I'm so confused now! Our son was in the corner laughing at Least one of us is amused. I drank a sip of my coffee. "Here's your lunch then, I hope you feel like eating that." Snarky back comment? That's a good sign. She walked to the sink to begin washing dishes not saying anything else. I then looked at my watch, crap it was already 7:50, ugh and I wanted to be gone by then.

"Damn, Shikadai we have to get going. Hurry up!" I put my coffee down and picked my papers back up, then I remembered I should probably bring some pain medication for that headache that I could feel coming. "Hey Temari do we have anything for headaches?"

"It's in our medince drawer in the bathroom."

"Right thanks, Shikadai, I'll catch up with you."

"Right dad."

As I went into our bathroom and started scooping though our drawers I realized something, I had no idea what drawer Temari was talking about-medicine drawer? since when did we have a medicine drawer? They all looked the same to me. Irritated I started opening up any drawer I saw and rummage though it. I'll clean it up later, trust me Temari will definitely remind me. Hmm, there was nothing in this drawer, nothing in the one below it. I'm starting to think we don't have this damn medicine drawer.

"Do you need help Shikamaru?" Heard Temari voice call.

"No, I got it!...wait what is this?" In the back of the middle drawer was a small stick. I pulled it out, thinking it was medicine or hell I don't know...really anything medicine related. I was already running late at this point. As I took the stick out I realized it wasn't medicine related to my dismay but also to my surprise I realized it was a pregnancy test. "Why the hell would this be in here?"

"Shikamaru you're already 10 mins late!"

"Dam!" hushing and confused I straighten up the mess I made, and put the test in my back pocket before heading back to the kitchen.

"Did you find it?"

"Find what?" She raised a brow at me.

"The headache medicine..."

"Yea …yea I did, thanks for the lunch Temari…." I grabbed my lunch a went out the door. This brain of mine was starting to give me a bad feeling.

At work I wasn't able to keep my thoughts clear of this morning discovery- for the most part. I get off in a few minutes for a lunch break. Right now Naruto's going over the paper work I checked ahead for him. I don't know what's taking him so long in reading it, but hey, I'm not rushing the guy.

As I stood from across his desk waiting I did the wrong thing and let my mind wander back to this morning. Why the hell would Temari hide a pregnancy test from me? Hell why would she have one? And as I felt the object in my pants pocket I tried to remember did it say positive? Then I thought, okay maybe she wasn't hiding it and put it in the drawer- and what if it's an old pregnancy test. Which is probably the case we did try a while back to get pregnant again maybe she just kept that test? Wait no you idiot that wouldn't be right, because we'd already have our second child by now. And those tests I remembered being negative so she threw them away. She has been acting weird around me lately- maybe she already knew she was pregnant and just didn't want to tell me. Could that be a reason?

No that would be stupid, I'm her husband what does she have to hide from me, and more over we already have a kid….so her hiding this from me wouldn't make sense. This must means something else right?

But wait…she literally can't be, we haven't been trying to have a baby- so she can't be pregnant. Unless we had a slip up but the timing isn't adding up.

Yet, that doesn't make sense. She had to be pregnant- why else would there be a pregnancy test in the drawer? I don't think women buy test to just store them around the house. And like I said before, it was used. Now I'm really starting to get a bad feeling about this, because the scenarios I'm starting to think of now, I'm not liking-not at all.

She did bring back up my work schedule and spending more time with Shikadai. And like she said it's not easy for her being alone all the time...practically a single parent at times, which I hate to admit was probably valid. Especially in the beginning few months of transitioning Hokages and my final mission calls. Dammit did I really leave her alone all that time ?I must have gone something bad for her to-

"Hey Shikamaru I'm finished reading these papers."

"Huh? Sorry, what you say?" Dammit, I let myself get lost in my mind again.

"Nothing much,I just said I finished reading the papers."

"Oh, what do you think?"

"I like the idea, and I think the other Kage will too."

"Right." At this point was I even listening to him? Not really, Naruto could tell, I suck at hiding my face and what I'm thinking- what is it that Temari always says? She can read me like an open book.

"Something the matter Shikamaru ?"

"Me? no I'm good." I put my hand in my pocket and grabbed my lighter and cigarette packet. "I'm gonna take lunch now, if that's cool with you?"

"Uh yea….sure, see ya when you get back." I turned to him, waving my hand in the air, letting him know I got his message. Maybe a few smokes and a good walk will clean my mind and help me make sense of what the hell is happening. Either way, I'm talking to Temari about his tonight. We've got to clear the air between us and everything that's been happening lately.

Temari

I don't know how long I stood standing in the mirror looking at myself. A few minutes maybe or maybe it was an hour? I kept reminding myself you can do this, no you HAVE to do this to get your life back in order. How matter how you feel about this. I mean Shikamaru made it obvious last night how sorry he felt about our argument.

Even thinking about it now I blushed, those stupid small kisses he places on the back of my head have a way of doing things to me. I feel bad that I even brought up the subject to him. And I already knew how he felt about it. I knew better…I've got to work on this attitude and temper of mine. I mean he doesn't have to deal with it, he just does…every time. The only thing I fear now is doing something that would drive him away from me. I already know I'm not a walk in the park to live with…I stepped into the shower. The water hitting me slowly.

Showers always made me feel better. It always felt like I was washing off my entire day and starting anew. One thing for sure is I'm definitely trying to shake off that nightmare I had last night. that one was more worse than the one before. I don't know I can't just get what happened out of my head- I mean isn't that what you want to do, just forget everything….why can't I. I hate that I can't feel safe anymore, even in my own home knowing Shikamaru literally right by my side- I'm still scared to go to sleep at night.

I know I should have told him last night what had happened in my dream, but I panicked- I don't know. I woke up in a mad sweat and instead of calming myself down and talking about it, because I know he'll listen I chickened out. And pretended again to be asleep. If you ask me I think I'm starting to get good at the whole pretending thing. Like this morning…ugh it's…It's just too much at times. I don't know if its embarrassment or shame or whatever. I just don't' feel like I can open up to him about this. To know what he might think of me now…

I hung my head low and let the water soak my hair.

I was in my head so much thinking I didn't even notice how burning hot the water was. I think I did feel a strange stinging sensation. But that last only a few seconds then it went numb I guess. My skin started to turn red from the hotness, so it matched the other parts of my damage skin.

"Phew…get a grip Temari! This isn't you, and you can't let this thing stop you. You'll fix this, you have to. Your family deserves it." I jumped out the shower, and with some new found encouragement I found myself getting dressed and making my way towards the door. This was going to get done, today. I wanted my life to be normal again. Besides I had already looked up all the information I needed to know for this, and I planned it out. Shikamaru had his evening meeting today and would be home late and if I give Shikadai alittle extra money for food he'll stay out with his friends longer. See everything seemed perfect, so there was no going back now.

I rounded the corner to the Academy. The kids were out in the yard and I saw a few Sensei standing in front of them giving them orders. Okay class one…two…Shikadai's class should be- there! In no time I spotted my son with his classmates and teacher. They seemed to be on break so my timing again was spot on. I walked over to the gate.

"Shikadai!" I called from the side of the fence, it took him a few minutes of looking before he spotted me. His eyes lit up when he saw me, I motioned for him to quickly come over.

"Hey mom! What are you doing here? Hey!?" I'm sorry I couldn't help it he was in school and what was in his hand, along with Boruto's and the others?

"Why are these in your ears?" I watched his skin quickly turn red. He knew I hated it when he had his headphones in durning class, even if they are on break. What if something happened, or he got called for something? Then what, he'd miss it. "Well, I'm waiting?"

"Ummm…Shino Sensei said we could use our electronics for break mom."

"Yea, you know how I feel about them Shikadai. You always have those things in your ears you're going to go deaf one of these days."

"I know I know, and you're no going to take me to the doctor, right."

"I'm glad you know your fate at least." I gave my son a loving smile anyway, he knew my love was of the tough kind.

"Hah, okay I'll take them out. But anyways why are you here mom?"

"I came to drop you off a little extra lunch money."

"Really? Thanks! Wait- what's the catch, I didn't do anything good did I?"

"You did clean your room like I said before leaving for school, right?"

"Tsc…of course!" Wow he lies just like his father, it's uncanny really.

""Hmm yea, anyway pay attention in class okay Shikadai."

"Okay mom ! Oh and guess what-we actually talked about the three man squad for missions." Missions? Already… geeze didn't I just sign him up for The academy yesterday?

"Really? You guys are covering missions now?" Whoa What's with the nervous sounding voice Temari?

"Kinda, but not really. Shino Sensei was just giving us more information about how to perform in a three man squad. And also which classmates who'd most likely be on our team."

"And you know who your teammates are?" I asked looking at him.

"Yup, the next generation of Ino-Shika-Cho…"

"Ha, you sound thrilled."

"Well I would be but I know what a drag it will be being with Cho Cho all the time, she's so tiresome…and then there's Inojin. He's okay, but sometimes his aloof remarks don't sit well with Cho Cho. And then there's me, making sure we all don't try to kill each other…but besides that I think everything will be fine." Huh, I couldn't help, but see his father with those remarks.

"Well good thing is you know what's ahead of you."

"Yea, and if worse comes to worse, I'll just take their stuff until they agree to cooperate, that or a shadow possession, anything that works." No he's sounding like me…oh boy.

"Okay, I gotta get going kid. I'll see you later okay."

"Bye mom, thanks!" He was about to turn and run back to class, but I had one last thing to ask of him.

"Hey, aren't you forgetting something ?" He paused and thought about it for a second.

"Uhh…"

"Come here." He walked over to the fence. I leaned over and kissed his forehead.

"Aww mom!" I watched him turn red in the face. " not here…."

"Why? You're too cool to be kissed by your mother?"

"No, but girls have germs…"

"I'm a girl?"

"But you're my mom you're different."

"So you're telling me some little girl been trying to kiss you, huh Shikadai?" Boys and men are hilarious when they get flustered. Or maybe it's just my boys.

"What no no no…um never mind!" He jumped up and kissed my cheek back, before running to class. I could already hear some of the childish remarks and teases from his classmates. Kids are all the same in a generation aren't they, still making fun of each other.

"Right." Now that that's done, I can keep going. As I walked to the southern part of the village I made sure to be careful of any faces that might recognize me. Although I had this nagging feeling that no matter the person watching, they knew my secret and what I was about to do. And that I'd sooner of later get a call from my husband asking me ' what the hell am I doing?'

I felt so judged by people I have never seen in my life. The old Temari wouldn't have given a damn…And it was the simple eye contact- of people just walking by- that would make me instantly look at my feet and pray they'd just continue about their business and not stop me.

But I don't normally come this way…if at all really, maybe a few times a long while ago. Before the reconstruction of the village from Pein's attack. So why was I stressing so much?

Okay the address said it would be around here somewhere…where is it? I rounded the corner, reading the various signs. Then at the very end of the block I saw it.

"At least it isn't in some sketchy alleyway. I guess that should be comforting."

I walked inside the building and was immediately hit with a cold wind that sent shivers down my spine. I folded my arms even tighter around my stomach. I don't know why or when but my eyes wandered to the few other women in the room. As I looked closer I noticed they were just…girls. Girls of various ages.

My heart instantly went out to them, these girls had no business being here. Did their mothers even know where their daughter were...At a place like this….alone? They all seemed to be in various stages of their pregnancy and I could only speculate of what the reason could be for them to be here now. Not trying to think the worse, that their story was similar to mine.

"Ma'am may I help you?" I was suddenly taken out of my thoughts by the women sitting behind the front desk. Oh, I didn't realize I was just standing here.

"Um yes actually." I slowly walked up. "I'd like to set up an appointment please, for today if at all possible."

"And what kind of appointment would that be ma'am?" Geeze, I didn't think I'd have to say it, wasn't it clear. After all why else would you be at a clinic? "Ma'am I'm sorry we have other women in line, you can't keep them waiting." I turned to see one lady behind me-one! I'm starting to get the feeling she was rushing me. What else did she have to do, isn't this her job? I'm pretty sure you're not suppose to rush the client.

"I'm sorry…"

"It's okay, now what appointment would you like to set up?"

"I'd like to set up an appointment for an abortion." God the words seemed to weird to say out loud. I had been telling myself I was going to get this done. Why was I starting to get this wavering feeling in my chest?

"Oh well, I need you to fill out this information."

"Okay thanks." She handed me a clipboard with a few papers to read over. I'm guessing the usual waviers of what to expect, the risk of the procedure itself. As I read the small text all I kept seeing was needle and surgical suction…I hate needles…absolutely hate them, and you'd think being a ninja that fear of them is stupid right? WRONG! You can thank for father for my traumatic fear of needles. I read passed everything, not wanting to further delay any thinking of the matter. I signed my name and all the information needed. "Here you go ma'am."

"Thank you." She read over it, and as she did so I just looked around. Avoiding the infant baby signs of life. Like I didn't already know about it, I had a child already.

I know when they start growing their fingers and toes, start blinking their little eyelids and when they start recognizing their parents voice. I didn't need to be reminded of anything like that…especially since I tried getting pregnant again and it didn't work. "Um ma'am…Mrs. Nara?"

God don't say my last name the last thing I need you to know is who I am and my family…but I guess that can't be helped if the clan is known throughout the village. Not to mention my husband works alongside the Hokage.

"…yes?"

" I see you filled out you're a few weeks along ?"

"Yes…"

"And you say your medical history is good?" Dammit that's out of habit, I should have paid more attention. I'm so use to marking healthy on my reports I had no idea I automatically did it.

"Yes…"

" I'm just curious, and excuse me for asking but why are you getting this done ma'am?" She is not excused, why would you ask me that? Why would you ask anyone that? Can she even ask that? I thought about what I could say, I would say due to health reasons, but I messed up that one…

"Timing…the timing just isn't right for me or my family..." she just looked at me, could she tell I was lying? I was extremely nervous in front of this women, like she herself held my fate on the matter. I had to convince her or else it couldn't get done.

"Well if I may say, the wrong time for you may be the right time for others. Have you and your husband thought of adoption?" Why is she trying to guilt trip me right now? This is already hard enough as it is! I'm sure if the circumstances where vastly different that could be someone options, it just isn't mine!

"I understand that ma'am, and I've thought about it- but that unfortunately isn't an option for me right now." I didn't want to come off as impatient, but I was starting to get there. I just want to be in and out, with out questioning myself or my morals. This HAD to be done, I wasn't going to have my attackers child.

"Alright, just one last thing, and I don't know if this will be a problem for you or not, but your husband signature isn't signed on the paper. And for us to continue we need both parents consent." If she didn't see the fear and uncertainty in my face then, she saw it now. I…I was at a lost of what do to. Yes I saw where it said fathers signature, but I didn't think it would matter.

I thought this was MY decision really. This is happening to my body I should have the final say. I don't think any man should have a say in determining what happens inside you. But who am I kidding, this is 'men' we are talking around, they have a say over everything…and you have to listen.

"Yes, well he isn't here right now. He's at work unfortunately."

"Well maybe if you give him a call, and I can speak with him. I can't give an okay, until he also says so."

"I can't do that right now, he's very busy."

"Then unfortunately I won't be able to complete this."

"Are you serious? How is that even a thing. You're telling me I can't get something done for my own sake without my husband say so?" I swear everything is trying to stop me right now, this should not be this god dam difficult! And now you're telling me I have to call my husband so he can know I'm here and ask his permission?!

"We want the men to be just as involved with this situation as the women making it-"

" Why?! Why do they get to dictate what can happen in our body?! I mean look at those girls over there. What if the father isn't around- or it was an accident- or what if , god forbid they had no choice in the matter-then what? They just have to grin and bare it?!"

"No ma'am of course not, it would vary on the situation. And I'm sure your situation isn't the following you mentioned correct?" Ughhh! I bit my lip in frustration.

"No…it's not."

"Then I'm sorry, unless you have your husband signature or call him so I can get a verbal consent I can not proceed. It's just our rules, it's for the best in both parties, and if anything where to happen-"

"…no…you're right I understand." Ending the conversation.

"If anything, I can let you take this home and have him sign this."

"….thank you."

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you ma'am."

"It's fine." After all she was just going her job. I walked out the clinic with the paperwork in my hand. My knees where so shaky when I walked a gust of the wind could knock me down. I felt so hollow inside I'm sure I would go collapsing down at any touch honestly . I just couldn't believe it, I leaned against the side of the building for support as I tried to gather myself.

What the hell was I suppose to do now? Have him sign my abortion papers like one of Shikadai's field trip slips? Hardly, I would have to tell him now… " No… no I can't do that…I can't do that. Shit..." Ugh I fell so stupid now- no stupid doesn't even describe it. I feel utterly defeated at this point…there's nothing I can do… he's still controlling me.

No no…stop, don't you dare get blurry eyes Temari! Geeze for once can I have control over something, anything! It's not fair! I don't even care at this point, I just stopped wiping my tearing eyes. I just let them fall, they were going to come out anyway right…why care if people are watching they practically know everything now right? Isn't it obvious?!

I don't know when my feet started moving, or when it started raining. But I was slowly walking down the alleyway in a pouring storm and I hoped by some miracle I could just wash away down the drain pipe like the rest of the falling rain.


	7. Chapter Seven

**MikiLovesShikaTema, you're welcome for the longer update! In truth i want this to be a ten chapter mini fanfic. So expect the next three chapters to be packed! And ikr Shika so considerate and sweet- but we all know he has a dark side too...i wonder what will happen when he learns the truth.**

Chapter Seven

Shikamaru

The rain was pounding on my window from outside. The cloudy weather I was talking about earlier seemed like it wanted to be more than just a simple down pour. It looked like it wanted to have a full blown storm. Luckily for me I was inside my office, but unluckily for me it's not like I brought an unmbrella or anything - like my wife always says I should, ya know, just in case. Seems like she was right, as usual. But I hardly had the time to think about that now.

My door that I usualy had open, was closed, and I sat in the back of my chair a little ways away from my desk. I couldn't get my mind wrapped around this positive pregnancy test. It just deosn't make any sense. There was no way my wife would be pregnant without telling me. It would be crazy right?

When my eyelids closed my fingertips automatically pressed together almost in the shape of a dome as the back part of my mind went ticking like crazy. " Out of all the seniors I have thought of... I keep coming back to this one, dammit. Get out of your insecurities Shikamaru." I re-opened my eyes, and looked down at the test. A small pit in my stomach started to feel uneasy. I just didn't want to believe it, but that facts where there…

Ring ring!!

I looked to my work phone, who could be calling me now? I looked outside for a moment and watched the rain pour down. There was not a soul outside, and it made sense.

Ring ring!!

There it went again, I was just going to let it ring, I didn't feel like talking to whoever it was on the phone right now, my mind was a bit distracted to be dealing with other people nonsense.

Ring ring!!

"Ugh Dammit, who the hell- Hello?!-"

"Shikamaru I called you two times! Why haven't you answered?!"

"…M-Mom?" My voice reflecting my confusion. "Oh….ugh sorry-"

"And answering the phone like that? I mean I could have been your boss or someone important!"

"My boss is Naruto mom-"

"And I don't care if you are grown mister you don't answer the phone like that with me, is that understood!" Ughh what a drag… I pinched my brows with my free hand, god what did I get myself into. I knew I shouldn't have answered that damn phone. Now I'll be hearing this for the next three week….

"Yes mom, I'm sorry I didn't know it was you."

"Exactly, which is why there's a certain way you answer the phone Shikamaru!"

"What a dr-"

"Don't you dare say it young man!" I held my tongue, boy I'm glad my son's not here to hear me get lectured at like Temari does him…what am I saying, she lectures me too. So troublesome.

"Mom…I'm at work, do you need something?" I had to push pass this topic or else she would never get off the phone.

"Oh! Well I just wanted to see how you were doing honey, is everything okay?" Now the tone of her voice sounds completely different. I tell you, you women have the magic power of just switching things on and off like it's no big deal. One moment your straggling us with your fist or words, and then the next you hugging and kissing us…

"Yea everything fine mom." I voiced placing the phone between my right shoulder while I straighten up some paperwork at my desk.

"Are you sure, you're not lying to me are you Shikamaru?"

"No mom I'm not, why do you ask?"

"Well…" she paused for a moment like she was thinking about what she was about to say next- which if you know my mother like I do, she doesn't do that. She voices whatever is on her mind at the moment. " it's just I haven't heard from you in a while that's all son."

"I've been real busy mom with this upcoming Kage meeting mom, I'm sorry. I should call you more."

"Yes that would be nice, so I can see that grandson my mine."

"Of course."

"And also….I saw Temari a bit ago, she looked alittle upset and I was just wondering if everything was okay with you two." Upset? What was she talking about? I don't think I've done anything in the pass few hours to piss her off... I'm not even home.

"As far as I'm sure, everything fine." I could hear my mother hit her own forehead though the phone.

"Well if that's the case, I'm worried." Geeze mom.

"Mom, I'd think i'd know if something was bothering my wife."

"Mm, with that schedule of your sir, I doubt it. Coming from the man you can't give his one and only mother a call every now and then." Here we go again-

"Mom really…"

"I'm just saying dear."

"Right...When did you say you saw her?"

"Maybe an hour ago, she was near the southern down town area of the village. I was calling out to her when I saw her come out of the clinic- is she sick dear? she seemed so distracted by something the poor thing was letting the rain get her absolutely soaked. That was the real reason I was calling her, you know you can catch your death out here with colds Shikamaru. Which reminds me do you have an umbrella? The storms suppose to get worse later today."

"Um, no mom."

"What! Are you trying to get a cold shikamaru?! Didn't I teach you better than that-"

'Umm mom please, I'm well aware of-" and then she was off on another rant.

"How could you not pack an umbrella! I'm surprised Temari didn't pack you one." Geeze could we please just stay on task here, she's so bipolar sometimes it's crazy.

"Temari always tells me to pack one mom."

"And did you listen?"

"No i-"

"I tell you Shikamaru you're just like your father sometimes never listening! one day you'll -"

"Mom please hah…I promise I learned my lesson."

"You better have, anyway I just wanted to call you to make sure everything okay. I know you're busy and you have to go get back to work."

"Right mom, but before you leave could you tell me where you saw Temari again. The address I mean?"

"Sure I can give the address." Right, I opened my laptop as my mom told me the address. "Okay, I got it – but are you sure you saw Temari mom?." The address just seemed too weird for Temari to go to.

"Of course ! I can recognize those four pigtails anywhere. She is my daughter-in-law after all. And she was wearing the green kimono dress I got her for you two anniversary, it always looked so pretty on her." Mmm, if there's one thing I know is my moms attention to detail.

"Hah, you're right what was I thinking."

" I know doubting your mother, haven't you learned your lesson about that dear. You don't doubt mothers. Anyways don't forget to call me sometime okay, let me know how things are going."

'You have my word mom, thanks-"

"I love you."

"Hah, I love you too mom." I hung up the phone, boy that women is something. I then diverted my attention to my laptop. "Okay so the address is to…a women's wellness center?" I clicked on the page website. When the link opened to the main page of the website my heart nearly dropped to the bottom of the floor. "What the hell is this…Konohas women's abortion clinic." I went on and read the site to get a better understanding of what hell was going on and why my mom would see Temari coming out of this clinic upset. God I don't know what to say…is this for real? my mother must have gotten this address wrong. Why in the world would she…ugh the reason was right there in front of me, wasn't it. Suddenly I found myself calling my home. " pick up pick up…'

"Hello?"

"Temari, Temari where are you?"

"I'm home Shikamaru, why is everything okay?" How was I going to get the answer I wanted out of her?

"No everything's fine, I was just calling to see how you were going."

"I'm going fine, I'm just getting the house ready for when Gaara comes."

"Right." That god damn Kage meeting " anyways what have you been up to?"

"Nothing, I've been home all day."

"No going out or anything?"

"No."

"You sure?"

"…yea I'm sure, why?"

"Nothing, hey what are you wearing now?"

"Huh?"

"Don't question it, just tell me."

"My kimono…why?"

"What color?"

"Green. Shikamaru why are you asking this?"

"No reason, I'll see you after work."

"Okay, I'll see you then."

"C'ya" I put down the phone and sucked my teeth. The green kimono, just like my mom said. Which means my mom did see her at the clinic and she just lied to me. I Know this for my fact now. My mom wouldn't call and tell me this, if its wasn't true and again she knew what Temari was wearing. Suddenly my door sung open, and I quickly grabbed the pregnancy test and put it back in my pocket.

"Aye Shikamaru! what are you and the wife talking about?" Naruto came in with a wide cheesy smile. Was he listening to my conversation the whole time? Doesn't this man have to run the nation or something , geeze! 'I see you Shikamaru !" He winked at me.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me, 'what are you wearing now?' I see what you're doing."

"It's hardly that, trust me." Naruto stood across from me. "You need something? Don't you have a village to run right now?"

"Yea actually I do hah! I just took a break that's all, Temari finish her paperwork yet?" He sat in the seat infront of my desk.

"I'm not sure to be honest."

"Well if she can get it to me soon that'll be great."

"Trust me I'll remind her and in fact i'll have it to you tomorrow morning Naruto."

"No rush, I'm sure she'll give it to me in no time-"

"No you'll have it tomorrow like I said, it's important to collect the information from her mission, correct?" He nodded his head. "Then you'll have it tomorrow." I exited from the website on my laptop. I didn't want to look at it anymore. I suddenly found myself on my feet. "I'm going for a smoke."

"In this weather? Man that's starting to be a bad habit."

"Yea it is…" I grabbed my vest and threw it over my shoulder. I left my door open to Naruto so he could excuse himself. I was out and walking in the rain heading in the direction of home in no time.

I was fed up with the lying. This annoying unsure feeling I got whenever she said everything was 'fine' had to stop today.Nothing is fine if my wife is leaving an abortion clinic behind my back! Hell I'm starting to think I don't even know her anymore…what happened to us always telling each other how we feel? Was I so busy I couldn't see how bad things were between Temari and I?! That she'd go to this length, even degrading our marriage. Temari is coming clean tonight.

Temari

Well that sure was weird, I don't know what that was all about. As I hung up the phone I went back to cleaning the guest room. Man this room was a mess, I guess its been awhile since my brothers had come to visit. I dusted off the bed side stand counter top. when I turned around the handle in my hand bumped into one of the pictures causing it to fall over. I picked it up and saw it was one of the first picture of Shikamaru and Shikadai. I think it might have been the day we brought him home too. The memory instantly brought warmth to my heart as I remembered a better time.

Geeze, I can remembered how Shikamaru and I were nervous wrecks when we brought Shikadai home. We knew nothing about being parents…I know- well at least I think I was more nervous than he was. At least Shikamaru had both parents growing up, having a stable…maybe not always pleasant childhood. it was a far cry from mine. My mother passed when I was three. I hardly member anything about her. My father was a no show really, being the Kazekage. I practically raised myself with a few random elders.

So I really depended on Shikamaru to help me a mom honestly. The concept was no abnormal to me, he was a life saver to me in more ways than one. I'd do anything for him and Shikadai, those two boys are my everything. And that's why…I have to tell him. It's the only way now. I've been hating myself for lying to him, I've been doing it for so long and he deserves better...I owe him that.

I guess it took me some time to convince myself that. I was being selfish like Shikamaru said, but he wasn't the only one who made me think that. While walking home, I texted Sakura everything that had happened that morning. To say all the information I was telling her came out of nowhere would have been an understatement. But she took what I had to say and just plainly told me I was making myself fight my battle alone. I needed support and I knew that, it's just hard for me to ask for help… and want help from others…being so strong willed...asking for help just isn't the first option. But also I think it's what I'm asking for help for is... I don't know embarrassing.

I still think it's going to be hard telling him, and…I don't know if I'll even be able to tell him everything in full when the time comes. I'm afraid it'll be too much for me….but Sakura told me to take things at my own time. And if I'm not fully ready to tell him, I can't be forced into telling him. He'll have to respect that…I just have to tell him that. Shikamaru rarely has a temper like I do, so he'll be understanding.

BOOM!!

I was suddenly taken out of my thoughts as I went over to the window, geeze this rain is really starting to come down now, hopefully it doesn't get worse.

Knock knock!!

"Is that the door?" I left the guest room and walked down the hall, my ears did hear knocking. Which was weird, who could that be at a time like this? As I got closer I looked down to see the lock on the door moving. "Shikamaru, what are you doing here?" My husband was soaked from head to toe and shivering slightly. "Are you trying to catch your death out here?!" I closed the door behind him as he walked in, dragging water behind him. "Here"I took his vest from him, it was just as soaked as he was.

"…thanks." The smell of smoke came from his breath, along with his clothes.

"Geeze you still manage to smoke in this weather?" He didn't say anything to my comment. In fact he really didn't look at me at all. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I watched him take off his sandals. "I'm going to take these wet clothes off."

"Okay…" What's with him? I watched as his figure disappeared down the hall. I looked to our kitchen clock. It was only 2:30, and he's home now? Did something happen at work, he seemed to be in a mood. Maybe today was a-little stressful with the Kage meeting and all and he needed to come home. "Well, I'll fix him something since he's home early." It didn't take me long to fix him something, it was still too early to fix dinner just yet and a sandwich with his usual sake I knew he would like. When I was done with that I noticed he still hadn't come back from our room. So I waited and waited… and then waited alittle longer, what the heck was he doing in there, it didn't take all day to change out of soaked clothes? I grabbed his plate of food and walked down the hallway. I peeked into the room. "Shikamaru, you still in here?" I saw him, he had changed clothes and was sitting on my side of the bed, his back turned to me. His head was down and he looked as if he was holding something in his hand, very quietly. I knocked my free hand on the wall so I wouldn't startle him. He seemed to be in some sort of deep thought. "Hey I brought you something." I voiced walking over to him. I saw his posture change and he quickly sat up.

"Oh, thanks." I sat next to him. "Is everything okay? Did something happen at work?"

"No everything's fine." He took the plate from my hand and set it on the nightstand next to him. Still I noticed he didn't look at me, even when he took the plate from me-what was with that? Did I do something wrong? He's aloof behavior isn't new, but I know something was telling me he's off today. "Naruto needs that mission paperwork Temari, and I need to get to him now." He then got up, and left his food there on the nightstand. While I assume he went back to the kitchen.

"Uh okay." I eyed him as he walked out nonchalantly. Okay something is seriously up with him, I'm not going crazy am i? He's acting weird, right- right! Not thinking much of it, I grabbed his food and followed him into the other room. I leaned against the wall as I watched him look for my mission papers.

"Where are they?"

"Where you left them." I noted, motioning to the direction at the edge of the counter. He walked over, grabbed them and brought them to me. I just looked at him. "Here he needs them now." He was more or less forcing the papers on to me so I grabbed them from his hands. "Tem-"

"Okay, I heard you the first." I was seriously thinking that Shikamaru had gone crazy, I mean who did he think he was talking to? I am be his wife, but I'm not some mat to be walked all over! Are these papers really that big of a deal, I mean the guy has two more days it's not that damn serious! And Shikamaru attitude is really starting to rub me the wrong way. He better fix it fast, or I'll fix it for him! I went over to the table and started filling out my information…and shikamaru sat down right across from me. We shared awkward glances every now and then. I tried not to focus on him that much but it was hard. He was watching me like a hawk. "Can I help you?" Hell he should just take a picture of me, the image would last longer. What did he have to stare at me for? It's not like we've haven't been living together for years now.

"You almost done?" He inched closer to the table, like he already wasn't close enough.

"No."

"Don't forget to fill it out in as much detail as you can." And there again he goes nagging me with that monotone voice!

"I know how to fill out a mission report Shikamaru!" He surely wasn't surprised when my attitude came out. After all you would explode sooner or later if someone kept nagging you about something. and it's not even the mission paper that's pissing me off. It's his attitude! Somethings bothering him and he's taking it out on ME and I don't like it! Plus the matter got worse when he had a few snarky comment he thought I didn't hear under his breath! He's doing this on purpose and I know it! Ugh just breath Temari…don't let this rattle you. Just fill out this stupid sheet of paper so he can leave! I redirected my attention back to the task at hand. my hand wasn't moving however . 'In as much detail as you can, explain what happened and why your mission wasn't a successful' wow this really was a section ?

"Hurry up, and just fill it out I have to get back to work" my husband voice kept ringing in the background as I tied to block him out of my head. Geeze just write what freakin happened and get it over with!...why is my hand getting so sweaty. Am I nervous? Why am I feeling so nervous… after all you said you were going to finally talk about it right? So why are you chicken out now?! "Temari will you hurry up-"

"You know what!! if Naruto wants these god damn papers so bad he can come get them himself!" without thinking- seriously not even a moment of hesitation, I ripped the papers in half and threw them at Shikamaru. He just stood there, mugged face. If he hadn't been down my throat so much this wouldn't have happened. He knows exactly how to piss me off! "Shikamaru What's with the damn attitude all of a sudden?!" I eyed him while Standing up from my seat.

"Women I don't have an attitude!"

"Yes you do and you know it! What did something happen at work? Whatever the case is you're taking it out on me and you need to stop!"

"It's nothing you're being dramatic" dramatic?! I think my husband has a deathwish.

"You know I'm just going to let that comment slide... just tell me what the problem is"

"There is no problem Temari, I've told you already I'm fine."

"That's bull and you know it."

"Well I don't know what you want me to tell you then."

"Just tell me what's up with you!"

"Women didn't I just tell you l'm fine." Fine?!... he wasn't fine everything about him was screaming he wasn't fine. He was just choosing not to tell me. Which isn't the right move.

"You're lying to me and I know it, I'm you're wife you're suppose to tell me if something bothering you-so why won't you just tell me I can help you." I looked at him and as his gaze looked down I saw the corner of his lip turn up. Was he about to laugh? Did he find pissing me off funny or something. Well I hope he finds me sending him to oblivion just as funny!

"Hmp, now you know the feeling right ?" I paused what was he saying? Now I know what it feels like? "The feeling of being completely felt in the dark regrading a loved one sucks, am I right? In fact if you start to keep things from them, it starts to feel like you don't even know them."

"What are you talking about ?"

"To be frank this." He too stood up from his seat and placed both hands on the table as he stared into my eyes. "Why were you at an abortion clinic this morning?" W-what?! How did he…" and don't think of lying I know you were there, my mother saw you."…w…was that why he asked me what color kimono I was wearing all of a sudden? Because he never asked me that before, hell I don't even think he cared. So that has to be the only reason…she must had saw me leave, and seeing me leave a place like that, it's no wonder she called her son. I get it now, he was doing this on purpose to work me up- just so I could fall into his little mental game! " So I'll ask you again Tem, what were you doing at the clinic this morning?"

I…I couldn't divert my eyes from Shikamaru intense steady gaze. I could tell he was upset, but he was trying his best to calm his temper. I knew he was growing impatient as I bit my shaking lip as I tried to think of how I could explain everything. I knew I couldn't lie- heck I'd just be digging myself into a bigger hole. He tapped his fingers against the table and its rhythm matched perfectly with my rising heartbeat. Say something Temari he's waiting…say something….say something SAY SOMETHING!

Knock knock! Sudden both of our attention was to our kitchen door as Shikadai came running in. "I'm home! Guess what ! The academy even let us out early but it took me forever to get here because of the rain-" he froze when he saw his father and I, there was no need to try to hide the tension. Shikadai knew something was up with Shikamaru and I. "…is everything okay?"

"Everything fine son go to your room and change." Shikamaru was never good at sugarcoating things. Not that he needed to, but still I don't like it when Shikadai knows his father and I are fighting. His kind nature will worry sick over the matter. He's still a child and my baby and I don't want him worrying about his mother and father. I could tell The harshness in his fathers voice automatically deterred him from listening, just like me, Shikadai May be his fathers twin and have his mannerisms but he serectly has my blown out attitude. "Shikadai I said go now." his small teal eyes went directly towards me.

"Listen to your father Shikadai, get cleaned up I'll be fixing dinner soon."

"Okay."

I watched as Shikadai left and I took this as an opportunity to get some distract between Shikamaru and myself. I left the table and went to the cabinet to pick something to start dinner. I heard Shikamaru sigh to himself. I knew he didn't want Shikadai to be here either, he hated to fight in front of him as well. But thank goodness he was here though…maybe now I could clam my beating heart and think of what to say. How could I explain myself…truly.

Click

That's the lighter in his pocket…he must be going out to smoke. And again oddly enough I'm glad he's doing that for a change. I heard the door close behind him. Hopefully the smoking will calm him down some. I hate it when Shikamaru gets worked up, it scares me to be honest because I don't see that side of him...it comes out rarely.

Man this really isn't how I wanted Shikamaru to find out about the clinic- who am I kidding I didn't want him to know at all! That was the whole purpose of going during his work hours! Now that he knows I went there he'll have to know about me being pregnant. No wait…maybe not…he didn't mention about about that really. He just asked about being at the clinic . And lets be honest…you can go to an abortion clinic and not actually go and get an abortion right? Sure….i went there…but it could be for a different reason….i could have just gone for a well women's checkup! I can easily explain that.

I was so caught up in my head I didn't even realize when Shikamaru came in. The only reason why I was brought out of my thoughts was due to the smoke on his clothing. I stung the hell out of my nose! I look from the corner of my eye as I started preparing the food, he was standing against the corner of the counter across from me. His eyes were closed and his arms were folded across his chest. He was breathing slower too, had he calmed down some? When he opened his eyes and our eyes finally did met, I saw some of the edge in his glare had disappeared.

"We have to talk about this Temari." He sounded more like the Shikamaru I knew again. That's good… " and sooner rather than later. You need to explain to me what the hell is going on with you."

"Not now." I voiced not looking at me.

"Ugh Temari-"

" We're not talking about it while Shikadai's here Shikamaru. You know how he gets when we argue." I didn't look at him when I said this, I didn't need to, I knew he was watching me. I expected him not to say much after, and he did his normal irritated sigh. What I didn't expect however, was him putting my pregnancy test on the counter for me to see. My teal eyes shot open when I saw he had had it this whole time… and that's what he was probably looking at in our room earlier. But how did he find it? I could have sown I threw it in the back of my middle draw- why would he go in there?! "….Shikamaru…I can explain i-"

"How long have you known?"

"…just this week now."

"Where you going to tell me?"

"No, I wasn't. " I could see the small vain on the side of his head twitch…he didn't like that answer. I don't blame him if were him –

"Dammit Temari!" His fist suddenly slammed against the counter, shaking it and startling me. I felt my heart stop for a moment as I dropped the spoon in my hand. The pregnancy test went flying from the counter. I clutched the counter with both hands, trying to steady myself . I could feel my breathing start to speed up again…"Tell me what the hell is happening, it's like I don't even know you anymore!" I bit my lip hard. He came closer to me, right at my shoulder but I refused to look up from my hands that were now turning white. " This lying stops now Temari, tell me the truth! Who's the father of this child?!"…i…i…

"…i…I don't know-"

"I don't believe you- Temari look at me!" I could hear the pitch of anger rise in his voice. Causing me to grow more fearful and draw within myself. His hand came to mine and pinned it against the counter. That finally made me look up to him, I snatched my hand from under him and narrowed my blurry eyes at him.

"…Kuroi is!!" mustering everything within my will power to say his name out loud. I'm sure somewhere- where ever the hell he was he was smiling right now! Sickly Satisfied that I said he was the father of our child... this little parting gift...

"No...no no ...You're lying to me!" What- I wasn't lying to him! I told him the truth! I felt water run down my face as I dropped everything and left the kitchen I had to get away from him. I still heard his voice calling my name over and over again, so my hands automatically covered my ears to block out his voice as I walked into the other room. Just saying his name made me want to vomit up everything inside. I could see his face as clear as day now…still looking down at me.

"Leave…leave me alone Shikamaru you got your answer…!" I could barely get the words out as I held onto my quivering stomach. I could feel my husband presence behind me…why….why wouldn't he just go away! He walked through the doorway, swiftly turning me around by the shoulders so I would face him. His face was a mixture of emotions from anger to sadness …to distraught…pain- everything!

"I don't believe that Tem, I refuse. I love you! and I know you wouldn't go out and do something like this to me…to your family!" Tears equally threatened to fall down his face, but he refused to let them fall. But I could see them building behind the hurt in his eyes…

"It happened! Now Let me go Shikamaru!" I dug my finger nails into his forearm, but his grip still held me.

"Tell me what happened on that mission Temari! Everything about you has changed since then… the lying, the drinking , the going behind my back- the nightmares! You even talk in your sleep about the matter! So what is it-tell me!" His grip continued to grow tighter and tighter around my shoulders. I could feel myself beginning to break under him piece by piece.

"Please!" Tell him, tell him , tell him! that's what he kept yelling down my ears over and over again. I was becoming deaf to his words and more acute to the fear of his power over me. He wouldn't stop, he wouldn't let me think, he wouldn't let me breath! Everything I needed was being controlled by him and I couldn't take it anymore! " stop…stop…stOP…STOP!!" I felt the back of my hand collide with his skin cracking against his cheek bone as the hit sent him staggering back. My limb instantly fell to my side burning like fire as I looked to my husband who was holding his jaw. I was horrified at myself…what did I just do. Suddenly a small whimper caught both of our attention as we both looked to the door way.

"...mom..." Shikadai was standing there…frozen.

" Oh no…Shika-" but before I could get another word out Shikadai had darted back to him room. I ran after him "Shikadai wait!" I came to his door which was already closed. I pulled on the door knob…locked. Fuck! No no no no…what is happening?! I opened my mouth to say something but words didn't come out….i didn't know what to say to him now. I pressed my ear against his door trying desperately to hear him from the inside. I know for a fact he hide himself away in the smallest corner, away from everything. "…Shikadai open up please….I'm so sorry…"

There was no use, he had seen everything and probably heard everything. This is all my fault, he must hate me…my husband hates me…I collapsed against his door desperately holding in my sobs. Everything was all over now…my family… my marriage. I would rather die then hurt the ones I love most…who I was just trying to protect – but I failed! And everything's is falling apart now and its because of me.

From the corner of my eye I was Shikamaru shadow slowly appear in the doorway. I quickly staggered to my feet and went stumbling down the hall. I held onto the walls for support as I swung my body onto the bathroom counter. I locked the door behind me. Everything was now spinning.

What was up was now down and what was down was now up. I felt like I was inside a carnival mirror. Nothing made sense anymore. I was just too overwhelmed. The insides of my body felt all tingly inside, my limbs were numb and felt like jello underneath me. My head was spinning and the functions of my eyes completely stopped working…all I could do was be controlled by the overwhelming feeling to lie down….

Shikamaru

My mind can't even wrap around what the hell has been happening. First with Temari and now with Shikadai. Could these day get anymore crazier then it already is? Fuck my cheek really hurt! I walked slowly down the hallway and stopped in front of Shikadai door. God… I hate myself for letting him see us that way. And I let myself get so carried away in my own feelings I completely forgot about him still being here. What a great father I am, maybe Temari's right for cheating on me.

"Shikadai? Shikadai open the door."

"No! Not until you and mom forgive each other and stop fighting !" Man this kid, Hmp if only it was that easy now. He's such a gentle kid, it make me nervous how this will effect him… I placed my hand on his door and leaned into it. "Then I'll come out!" Ugh….Shikadai. Then this eerie feeling came over me.

"What's this feeling all of a sudden?..." I looked down the hallway, it was quiet…too quiet. I walked towards the end of the hall. "Temari -" suddenly I heard a hard thud coming from our room. My feet quickly picked up their pace as I made my way to our room. It was still quiet, but I know I heard something come from here. "Temari?" I went to the door and twisted the knob, dam it's locked. "Temari open the door." Again I guess she wasn't responding to me. Normally this would piss me off- even more than I am now, but for some odd reason her not responding didn't make me mad it made me nervous. "I said open up…" I pressed my shoulders against the door. She's still not answering. Without thinking I slammed my shoulder into the door. Knocking it down.

BOOM

The door slamed open and fell to the side. my eyes immediately go to the figure on the floor. T-Temari…I ran over to her side. I turned her over slowly, her body was burning up. "…ah….ahh…"

"Temari...Temari what happened?!" I scooped her into my arms slowly. I could see her face twinge with pain as a line of blood came rolling down her forehead . " Oh god…Mari…Mari it's me…tell me what's wrong..." My calls for her were falling on deaf ears. I could feel my heart want to stop as it sunk to the lowest part of my body. "Shikadai! Shikadai call the hospital!!" I could hear his door slam open as his footsteps when running down the hall.

"Why? what happened- MOM?!"

"Go call the hospital Shikadai!!" I quickly looked down to check on Temari. Her face was pale. When I looked up Shikadai was still stand there, frozen and petrified "Shikadai GO!!"

"...m-mom..."

"NOW DAMMIT!" I had to curse at him to get the message across. He quickly ran from the room into the kitchen, once his mind was clear. I could hear him on the line with an operator telling them to come quick. Fear hang all in this voice and I can't blame him...because it was in my voice too. And he knows it. I don't know which is worse…for him to see his mother like this…or me losing control of everything …or both. Even now, with all the years I've had in the field with missions and a fucking war…when it's your family involved...it's different. The thought of loss is unbearable. I lost my father and my Sensei in my own hands….now it starting to all feel like it's happening again!!

I know I should be the one on the phone and making the call…b-but I can't get myself leave her side. I held onto my wife as tight as possible, preventing any possibility of her slipping away from me. I fought back tears as I cursed for those dam medics!

Shikadai

I bit my lip hard to keep a straight face. Moms going to be fine, she's mom after all and she a super hero after all. But I can't help but feel worried for her and be upset at myself. I can't believe I just stood there frozen! I already know what mom would say if she saw me hesitate like that. " Shikadai get your butt in gear! You're a Shinobi and Shinobi don't stand there frozen in fear they call to action..." ugh I just let her down even more now. Shikadai why do you have to be such a scaredy-cat...

"Shikadai?" I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder. I looked back to see a very familiar face with red circle dream on his face.

"Uncle Chōji!!"

"It's alright Shikadai everything will be fine. Look the medical ninja are right behind me." I quickly wiped the water running down my face. Man... I didn't want to cry, I'm such a big baby!

"D-dammit..." ugh why couldn't I get my eyes to stop watering! I think my uncle could see my frustration.

"Hey it's alright Shikadai don't beat yourself up kid."

"B-but..." suddenly he medical ninja came running though the door. I watched as they headed back to my parents room. I wanted to go back there with them- but my stupid feet wouldn't move! They were stuck to the floor!

"Chōji." I heard my dads voice and I looked to he direction of the hallways. " thanks you for coming man..." I froze when I saw the blood on my dads hands. That was moms blood... " Takre Shikadai with you while I'm with Temari."

"Of course Shikamaru-"

"No-I want to go with you and mom!"

" You can't Shikadai." But before I could say anything else dad was heading back down the hallway. Now my feet finally had a mind and will of there own as I ran up to m father. " This is all you fault!! Why did you have to make her so upset dad?!" My dads eyebrows instantly lifted up in shock.

"Shikadai!" My uncle quickly grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out the house. I didn't even get to see the look on my father face. But I hope he feel bad about the situation because now moms in the hospital.

Shikamaru

At The Hospital….

I paced back and forth in the waiting room, a mad mess. I had no idea what had happened to Temari, one moment we were arguing and then the next, she's collapsed on the floor struggling to breath. I rushed her here as fast as I could, but she didn't look good. God if anything happens to Temari…it's over for me.

And Shikadai...he was completely right this whole things was my fault. I've failed him and my family. My phone has been going off like crazy, everyone in the clan who saw us leave with the medical ninja have been speculating like crazy.

I had the mindset to just stomp the damn thing into the ground.

Looking from the doors, to clock to doors again, I noticed that no one had come out yet about Temari. I felt like i've been waiting here forever! Then I noticed pink hair from the corner of my eye, Sakura I called out to her. "Sakura!" She turned when she heard me call her name, confused when she saw me running over to her. " How is she? How's Temari?"

"She's here? Why? I just clocked in. no ones told me anything. I'll go see-"

"Somethings wrong with her-you know you where her doctor, tell me."

"Shikamaru I can't do that yet-"

"I don't give a damn, something is wrong with my wife and I need to know, please!" God I hated this feeling, the feeling of not knowing. Call it begging if you want but I don't care at this point, I'd do anything to figure out what the hell is happening.

"Fine, come with me." I followed her down the hallway and into some side room. I closed the door behind me and looked at her intensely. " First I have to ask, where Shikadai?"

"With Choji…I had him come pick Shikadai up…he's staying them there, why?"

"And are you planning on staying here at the hospital?"

"Of course here, what kind of question is that?"

"I have to ask be-"

"Sakura! I told you I don't give a fuck about your protocol right now, as a friend just be honest with me, what is happening!" I desperately tried to keep myself in order but with each ticking second I was losing the battle over myself.

"Temari had a panic attack." A what?

"A panic attack?" Obviously I know what a panic attack is, but why would Temari have one right out of the blue? All the years I've known her she's never had a damn pain attack.

"Yes, and a server one at that, I'm aussming she fell unconscious and hit her head on the fall down."

"Why...Why would Temari have a panic attack?"

"She must have been triggered by something." Triggered? Like she was predisposed to this or something? Sakura could see from the look on my face that I was utterly lost about this whole thing, Temari and I have been married for years and this has never happened. "Shikamaru what happened? If you know."

"We….we were having an argument… it was getting bad, I can't lie…I was letting my emotions get the better of me." hell this was the worst fights we've ever had. And living with Temari we have arguments all the time, but this one... this one was different.

"Shikamaru your face…it has a bruise on it?" I put my hand to the tender part of my cheek where Temari had slapped me. Hell it seemed to hurt worse now. Just reminding me how much of a dumb ass I really am.

"This…it's nothing." Deflecting any attention on me.

"How bad was this argument Shikamaru?" I sucked my teeth, placing my hands in my pocket and held my lighter tight.

"…This is the worst fight we've had...ever. And I'm disgusted with myself because it wasn't worth it..."

"Did she hit you Shikamaru?" I said nothing to the comment. "She hit you?!"

"Yea… but I'm no saint, I was yelling at her just the same...and I grabbed her. I should have never put my hands on her -she just kept walking away from me…and wouldn't give me a true answer" I could see Sakura have a mental moment of understanding. Like something just clicked for her all of a sudden.

"She probably thought you were going to hurt her…" my eyes widen.

"I would never hurt her, she knows that! You know that-"

"I know that Shikamaru, I do believe me , you'd never hurt the one you love. But she felt attack."

"But I didn't attack her, I swear! I just wanted her to tell me the truth…" I placed my hands to the back of my neck and took the deep breath. "Huh….and looks where that gotten me…what a price of shit I am."

"What truth?" Voiced Sakura looking at me. I looked away from her.

"…I …I had found a pregnancy test in a drawer, it was positive and she didn't tell me about it- so I figured she was hiding this from me. She'd been acting weird lately and I couldn't understand why, every time I tried talking to her…to ask her to just tell me…she'd lie. I knew she was lying, my mother even spotted her outside the leafs abortion clini this morning! I was just fed up with not knowing what was going on with her….I'm not proud that I lost my temper…I just…I just needed to know." I then looked to Sakura. " Why would she hide something like that from me?" I saw my friend bite her lip, great something I don't know.

"She was afraid and didn't want to tell you." That much I had already knew. " she went into a panic attack because the stress of it all probably and the thought of you knowing ...you scared her-"

"But she knows I would never ever hurt her! But the way she looked at me, it was like she didn't even know me, like I was some strange man off the street!" And thinking about it now... this is the second time she's looked at me like she didn't know who i was.

"I know but, when you get attacked it doesn't matter, you can get triggered by anything even someone you know." Attacked? What did she mean by attack. No one ever attacked Temari…I sure as hell have never laid a finger on her. So why she is saying this.

"Sakura…you know something I don't?" She looked to her feet and then to me. By the look on her face it wasn't good and I could tell and something within me light like fire. Did someone attack MY wife?! I balled my fist tight I needed to know what was causing this to happen. As calmly as I could I told her. "Tell me."

"Shikamaru…on her mission, Termari was raped." When the news fell onto my ears I felt myself go numb. No ... no that can't right.

"…w..what…?" I know I did not hear her right…I'm going crazy, Temarid slap must have been harder than I thought. That's for sure, my ear is still ringing. Sakura could read the denial all over my face.

"I'm sorry Shikamaru I know this is hard to take in…when I was told about it I was shocked too."

"Y-you can't be right, there must be some mixup some mistake….Temari…Temari wasn't…" I felt Sakura cup my hands in hers. My knees felt weak and I felt like I was on the verge of collapsing.

" I know this is a lot to take in, but you need to relax and calm down-"

"Who did it…who was the bastard that did it?! I'll kill him!"

"No Shikamaru !"

"I need to see Temari, I have to be with her!" I made my way towards the door, but before I could open it the pink hair ninja stopped me. By slamming the door shut.

"Shikamaru I will force you leave this hospital, if you make a move towards that door, I WILL stop you." I stood frozen, hell we all know about her monstrous strength. But I wasn't just standing there frozen because of fear. I was standing there frozen because I was fighting within myself to get it together and make sense of everything ….but god dammit it was hard! So many emotions and thoughts were running in my head now I fell to my knees. Then I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Look I know you want to be with her, but right now it's not a good time. We need to check on her and the baby. You need time to take this in too Shikamaru, Go home. Go to Shikadai, be with him, and tell him his mother is alright and that everything is fine."

Everything she was saying was just mumble jumble to me now. I had stopped listening... all I could think about was Temari and how terrible i treated her.

"..o…okay." My clenched my teeth, my vision was getting blurry. Dammit you better not get weak Shikamaru, what would Teamari think….she'd call my a crybaby, for sure. I slowly rose to my feet, Sakura was standing by side for more than just moral support. She was practically the brace between me succumbing to the pull of gravity.

"You need to be with someone Shikamaru and talk with them. Stay with Choji…talk with him, but don't go and be alone right now, understood?" I nodded my head "You can come see her first thing when you wake up okay?" I couldn't even get the words out at this point. I just nodded again and kept my head low. She opened the door and I walked out and left the hospital.

 **Authors note**

 **Oh boy so now Shikamaru knows and geeze wasn't that argument section a little intense. I hate that poor Shikadai had to see his parents like that. And for Shikamaru to think Temari cheated him that's crazy! But I guess he came to the conclusion in a fair way, after all she was acting different and lying to him. I wonder what will happened next stay tuned and review if you want more ShikaTema fanfictions!️**


	8. Chapter Eight

**rebertocrawford01, thank you for the review! I'm gad you are enjoying the FanFiction so far and that it's keeping you at the edge of your seat. Now I just have to keep the suspense going.**

 **wchavarria, I know right T_T for days! I think Shikamaru will come around he is a very considerate person- even if that brain of his gets him into trouble. And fingers crossed for Temari and the family.**

 **Nasbaa, aww yea, writing this chapter I was like…crap I can't do this! I love these characters way too much, and to see their vulnerabilities is like ughhhh nooooo! And yea after learning the truth Shikamaru going t do a lot of reflecting- they both are really. Anyways keep enjoying the story!**

 **MikiLovesShikaTema, Yes finally he knows! But now it like….now what what will Shikamaru do?! I mean Temari one of the kings in his shogi game. He can't just let anything about to his king in the game.**

 **Juliette, thanks for the review! I was really trying to get this chapter right on the money if I could lol**

 **Ps see if you can spot the Shikaku quote! It's tweaked a little bit but I thought it be nice to add it in !**

Chapter Eight

Shikamaru

I walked back in the darkness, alone in the storm. The coldness of the weather and the chaos of the storm reflected perfectly the turmoil happening inside of me. Out of all the times I felt low in my life….from not being able to save Asuma in battle, or my father in the war. This was by far the lowest I have ever felt in my life. The pain in my chest hurts tenfolds over. I knew this gnawing feeling would never go away.

For years I carried the weight of their deaths on my shoulders, especially Asumas...this…this was rock bottom for me. And I didn't think I could sink any lower at time when I thought about them, but I just did. As I walked down the road alone, I felt utterly useless. To think my genius brain is the one that got us here…dealing with my own insecurity as a man, father and husband I now felt like I truly let Temari down. She didn't even feel like she could come to me for this. She carried all the weight alone on her shoulders…I know how that feels. I would Carry that weight for her in the heartbeat, so she wouldn't have to carry it alone. Dammit! I'd trade places with her if thst were possible.

But what did I do as a husband who is suppose to protect and uplift his wife? I drove her to her breaking point! And to think I was coming at her over something so trivial, when she was dealing with so much on her own. How could I not have noticed sooner…I could have-should have asked about how her mission went, what happened. My gut was right all along I was just too busy to really notice or care...

Instead I just went to work like I normally do, like everything was fine, and it wasn't. I knew something was off the first night-but I did nothing, and listened to her -when I should have done more. Temari's not the type to ask for help. Even if she needs it…she's so stubborn. But I can't even say that, Temari's the most selfless person I know. I know her not telling me what happened wasn't to keep her from hurting more... but me. God I just wished she would have told me- And even she couldn't…fuck…I should have been there until she felt like she could! Instead of leaving her the next day like everything was normal.

It was times like this when I needed my father or Asuma the most to help me get my shit together. To see what's the right path I should take, and in truth ever since their deaths it's been Temari who's been the one helping me and guiding me when I'm lost. And now I don't have her. Fuck... I feel lousy. No not lousy- trash and I can't even say that. Because the saying is 'one mans trashs is another mans treasure.' Then I'm straight garbage then, no doubt about that.

The roaring of thunder and lighting played in the background behind. Boy the devils was having his fun, wasn't he.

By the time I knew it I was at Choji residents, and it was as if he had been waiting for me the whole time. He stepped right outside his door when I came down his walkway, like he had already known. I guess that's just how close we are. "Shikamaru?" His wide umbrella shielding him from the storm. " Shikamaru? I thought you were staying with Temari?"I didn't reply to his question, I just stood there drowning from the inside. "Get inside man this storm is crazy out here!"

"How's Shikadai?" My voice was barely above a whisper. If Chōji hadn't kneed in on my lips moving he probably wouldn't have known I was even saying anything. He soon came over to me, seeing how I refused to move another inch.

"He's doing better, he's In the house with ChoCho they were watching some tv but I think he's sleep now." Good, it was already late, and I knew if everything, Temari would still want him sleep, getting ready for school. But besides that I hoped sleeping would give me more peace of mind "Listen he can stay with me tonight."

"Thanks Choji..."

"You can stay too if you need. You looked drained and it's already late. There is an extra couch you and Shikadai can share."

"Thanks but, I'm going to head home." I said putting my hands down my soaked pants pockets. I was freezing now, and a cold from this storm - you could easily catch your death from. But I didn't care at this point. I already felt cold on my insides now.

"I thought Sakura told you not to do that?" I looked at him, how did he know. "She called." I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"…women." Always checking up on us making sure we don't stray.

"Yea, but you know what they say, can't live with them and you can't live without them. She's our friend." Ugh I know that , but right now the last thing I wanted to do was be around anyone. " Hey Shikamaru everything okay, right ? I ask because You just called so suddenly out of nowhere saying something was wrong."

"Temari she…she had a panic attack." I found myself saying, not knowing why. I think telling him was just another way for me to realize it myself. To actually grasps the information for what it was. "It was because we were arguing and um…it became too much for her."

"I'm sorry to hear man, will she be okay?"

"Yea..." maybe if I said this I wouldn't be lying to him or myself. But Chōji knew better than to just trust my shaky words.

" Shikamaru you two always argue, all the time. What made this time different?" I saw his brows furrow together. I exhaled a long sigh, what he said was true, we do have our arguments -all the time. That was just our relationship dynamic. So it made sense for Chōji to be somewhat confused about the matter. What was so different about this one that it made her go into a panic attack.

" Temari was…hurt on her mission, and my petty arguing triggered her."

"Hurt? she's okay right, I mean this is Temari we're taking about here. Suna kick ass princess." As much as I wanted to agree with him, how much I wanted to say it out loud to relieve myself. I couldn't.

"…no…not this time…"

"Huh what do you mean?" deep down I didn't want to say it. I didn't want the issue to surface for her protection.

I think that that is when it really hit me, Temari was like a super women. She as MY super women. She had no fears no limitations. She was my backbone my ribs, well my whole structural frame when I can tumbling down. I couldn't picture her any other way. 'Super Temari to the recuse to save my ass as usual' wether it was from work, a pinch I had gotten myself in or just even stress. She was always there to set me straight no matter what.

Like she knew when it was time for her to show up, she'd light a fire under my ass to get me serious. She's always been what I needed...

But she's not some super hero…she has fears and limitations , some that I may not even know of. But she still has them. she's always strong…no matter what…but now. She's hurt…and broken…and I fear that I won't be enough for her-hell apparently I can't even be there for her when she needed me most!

"…i…i…should have stopped her, I should have told her no…t-that I didn't want her going out on that mission alone…God dammit!" I punched the fence that was behind me. I felt Choji hand grab my arm. But I jerked away from him…and took a few steps back.

"Shikamaru, woah calm down!" That was what his voice told me, but the voice inside my head was telling me other wise and driving me crazy…I couldn't help but picture it. What was happening to her! I felt like I could see it and hear it happening before me right now! As if she was getting attacked right in front of me! And I'm just standing there doing nothing!

"I just didn't want to be bothered with it…so I let her go! she'd be back, I had no worries- fuck I'm so stupid ! So useless!" I hit the fence again, this time the post moved some as my fist collided with it.

"Shikamaru you're not useless, I'm sure what happened will be okay and-"

"That bastard hurt her Choji! He took her from me!!" This time my fist went threw the post, and wood went flying. Choji who had stepped away from me to give me some space came rushing over to me. by this time I was already on my knees. I was punching my bloody hand against the ground, hoping that some how some way -I'd hit that son of a bitch! I felt My other hand clutched my heart... it felt like it was getting ripped from my body. It was beating so fast. " t-Temari needed me! And I wasn't there!..." Choji then got to my level, and held my shoulders tight, trying to speak good words to me, but I wasn't having them- I didn't deserve them. He should have been telling me what a shitty husband I am to her, not telling me everything will be alright….everything won't be alright!

"Look Shikamaru everything will be okay-"

"DON'T TELL ME THAT! Everything won't be okay because she's not okay! And she's not okay because of me! I let her down! I failed her! She was getting raped and her husband wasn't there to protect her!!"

That's when he knew how serious this ordeal was. And i…I had lost it. some man I was, breaking down and crying-doing nothing while my wife in the hospital and her rapist is out walking the streets, care free! Man I wanted to dead ! I felt like I had already died...

"Shikamaru I..."

"I what!?" I shouted cutting him off. "What the hell can you possibly say to me what will fix this!!" He paused for a moment. Chōji was my best friend and I never lost my temper with him. But right now he was the only thing standing in between me and doing something reckless.

"Shikamaru you will survive this…" I heard him say.

"W-what…how can you say that Choji! How can you-"

"I'm saying it because you'll do it for her! You'll survive this and be strong for her, like she'll need you to!!" But I didn't think I could, I don't think I can... I'm not strong enough to handle something like this... there was no way.

"..but I- "

"You don't need me to explain this! you're way smarter then me Shikamaru! You WILL do what you have to do for her! PERIOD. And that's all there is to it. I'm not saying it will make it easy or hell even fix the situation! but this is something that needs to be done so you both can bare what it happening together! " his words hit me hard...In all our years of friendship, Choji has never been the one to get me straight over anything, but now… he did exactly that. " You cry and let it out now, dammit you can even take it out on me even! because as soon as you see her tomorrow you're her rock now. She will have to doubt and fear NOTHING , because you'll be there every step of the way to reassure her!" I held on to Choji arms tight for some moments as I got my footing slowly . " And you won't doubt yourself about it either, understood?" I nodded my head, wiping the water from my face. "Good."

"Dad..." He and I turned to see Shikadai standing on the steps, concern was all in his eyes. "Dad!!" He rushed over to me, and I hugged him tight my tears falling on his small shoulders. I felt Chojis hand on my back and I looked up at him.

"…i…I got this Choji…thanks you." He nodded and walked back in his house. I closed my eyes, and breathed for a moment, Gathering myself. I could feel added wetness against my shoulder where Shikadai head was. Be strong. "Shikadai?" I pulled him away from me so I could see his face, he was wiping the tears away from his eyes. but they just kept swelling back with water. And standing out in the rain didn't help the matter either. Not to mention my hand was still bleeding out. I took his hand and we both ran to the porch.

"Dad your hand..." He voiced, eyes not leaving my hand.

"It's fine." Before I could stop him, Shikadai was already heading back into the house. I could hear him asking Chōji for a medical kit.

He soon came back and wrapped my hand. I was surprised he knew how to do it. And he was rather good st it too. " I'm almost done."

"...you learn this at the Academy?" I found myself saying trying to break the awkward silence between me and my son.

"No, mom taught me." Oh...I didn't say much after that until he was finished wrapping my hand. Geeze even Shikadai was taking care of me...

"Shikadai...I'm sorry." I voiced looking across to him. It felt odd at first like the roles were reversed. But I needed to explain myself to him. the kid is smart, and he knows more than he should sometimes, but he's still a child.

And right now he's a broken one at that...

"Why are you telling me this? shouldn't you be the one telling mom this..." I could see the teal in his eye sparkle just like his mom. And those teal eyes told me everything. And yes he was still mad at me, and I'm glad. He's holding me responsible.

"I am son as soon as I see her tomorrow. But I have to tell you first."

"Why... saying sorry doesn't change anything or what happened..."

"No it doesn't, but it's the start." Shikadai didn't look at me. His eyes were focused solely on his twiddling thumbs as he tried to distract himself. " I messed up son. I put you and your mother in an uncomfortable position and I'm apologizing for that. I let my emotions control my judgment and I did things as a man I'm not proud of. But I vow to you I will fix this, okay." It took me a moment to hear his crying sobs over the pouring rain. "Why are you crying Shikadai?"

"Be-because something wrong w-with mom..." He Voiced between tears.

"Nothing's wrong with mom."

"ye-yes there is don't lie to me dad ! I saw you- and her ... and the blood on your hand!" Shit, I sucked my teeth thinking. I can't lie to him, the kids no fool and he saw everything.

" you're right I shoudn't lie to you. You were there and you say everything..." he nodded slowly.

"I'm...I'm sorry I froze when you needed me dad... I didn't mean too... I just saw mom and-" I placed a hand on my sons shaking shoulder.

"It's okay son, that was a lot for you... and it was a lot for me to ask of you. And I'm sorry for yelling at you. I shouldn't have and that was wrong of me."

"Mom would be disappointed...How am I suppose to be a great ninja if I'm too scared to help my family..."

"Well you're my son so don't expect it to happen over night kid." Despite my words he still seemed down and I don't know why but I couldn't figure what to say to help him. His mother was always better at that than I was.

"...I saw mom hit you dad..." Hearing him say this I froze "...w. why did mom hit you?" God what do I say to this? How can I explain this to him, he's still a boy. Think Shikamaru think... I took a deep breath.

"Some stuff has happened between your mother and I. Even as adults we both get upset at times and our emotions take over. we both did things we weren't proud of. What your mother did, she didn't mean and you have my word for that."

" I thought adults handled their arguments with words not fist..."

"Yes well as you can see that doesn't always work out does it. Even when you try at times."

"... Moms scary when's she mad...do you think mom would ever hit me if I made her mad like you did?" This kid...

"Absolutely not Shikadai, you're everything to her. And she would never hurt you, no matter how hard her tough love is."

"But she loves you right dad? And she hurt you..."

"Hmp, that hit wasn't to hurt me son it was to wake me up. Women have a way of doing that to you and you'll understand when you're older."

"I guess..."

I thought for a moment, what could I tell him? No, There was no way I was going to tell him the truth, he was too young. But then again he's too smart and can catch a lie when its being told. But he needed to know everything was still going to be alright. Our family wasn't broken.

"What does you're mother always call me?" Shikadai thought for a moment, after all she had a handful of names that she called me.

"An idiot?…"

"That's right, and what are husbands usually?"

"Idiots?..."

"And this idiot just made your mom upset."

"So upset you made mom go to the hospital"

"Your fathers a BIG idiot Shikadai… but I'm a lucky idiot to have you, and your mom. So this big idiots going to fix everything and make it better, alright?"

"So...no divorce?" I could see a small light shine in his eye when he said this.

"What?"

"It's just…I hear sometimes parents get divorced when they fight a lot… and you and mom had a really bad fight."

"I see… you think your mom and I fight a lot?" He nodded his head slowly. "Well one thing for sure is that your mother and I will never get a divorce. Yes we do fight sometime and it may seem like a lot to you or others. But we love each other too much. Even if we argue."

"So you can love each other and still argue?" I nodded my head.

"Just because we don't see eye to eye doesn't mean our hearts aren't on the same page."

"So when she sometimes throws things as at, and hit up upside the head your still on the same page?" Hehe, I guess I might have walked myself into that one.

"Exactly, your mother probably a few pages ahead and is just trying to make me catch up." I could see his features on his face suddenly start to change, good. At least I had him thinking about it.

"Seems like trouble."

"It's not trouble son, believe me. Your mom makes me step up. A lot... she knows I get the kick."

" okay…s-So no divorce?"

"No son."

"Good..." I not only heard the relief in his voice I saw it in his body too.

"I'm afraid not, you're stuck with your mother and I."

"Ha…" I looked at my son, his physical features were like mine, but his true character was Temari's. I couldn't tell at first but now I can see it as clear as day. He hides it with his laziness, but he's far outgoing and daring than I ever was. And that caring nature of his is just a reflection of his mother.

"You remember what I call you?"

"Yea, your little king."

"Yes… you and your mother are my kings in this game..and that means as a player my job is to protect and defend you two by any means."

"Even if it's a drag?"

"You and your mother will never be a drag to me son."

"Hah okay."

"Now I want you to go inside and head to bed, because your mother would murder me if you aren't up and ready for school tomorrow."

"Awww man... I still have to go to school."

"Afraid so."

"But…mom won't know, I could stay with you and help around the house?"

"That sounds like a death wish to me."

"Ugh you're right…but I suppose it's for the best. And beside it suite you and mom better when you're lovey dovey."

"Ha Yea, it feels better too son."

"Hey dad...if it's okay with you could I see mom tomorrow after school?"

"Of course you can Shikadai."

"And maybe you could pick me up early?"

"Hmp now you're starting to sound like me... sure I can do that. How's 2:30 sound."

"Great dad thanks ." I took Shikadai by the shoulder and we both walked back inside.

Temari

My head…it felt so light and airy, but my eyes…they felt so heavy. It took me a moment to open my eyes to get them adjusted to the light. And as my vision cleared I realized I wasn't home anymore…I was…where was I? I turned my head to see a giant window showing nothing but darkness from the outside.. suddenly in an instant it all came back to to. The screaming and fighting…him finding out the truth.

I suddenly shot up from my sleeping position. As soon as I did this I felt a strong painful tug come from my right arm…I had tubes…all in my hairs and wrist. W-what the hell… desperate I started tugging at the plastic wire trying to free myself. Unfortunately for me that was the wrong move. As soon as the cabled snapped a buzzer went off in my room.

"No…damnit!-" the door had opened with in seconds and a rush of medical ninja came storming in, great. "I'm ….I'm sorry I didn't mean-"I spoke to the one doctor in the room who I knew very well.

"It's fine Temari really, I can't say you didn't startle us." After checking my vitals again and repairing the plastic tube back in my forearm the other two doctors left, leaving me and Sakura." Hey you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost Temari."

"….i wish was that it ." She raised a brow to my comment so I figured I should explain. "The fight Shikamaru and I had earlier…it came back just a while ago. I don't know I suddenly remembered it and i started freaking out…I'm sorry for causing all that trouble."

"Oh…" the pink haired ninja then went and sat on the edge of my bed. I was afraid to ask but I needed to know.

"He's not here…is he?"

"No, I sent him home so he could be with Shikadai. But I know he'll be here first thing in the morning." I nodded my head slowly. Well….i guess that was better then what I thought at first, of him just…leaving me. But I wouldn't blame him if he suddenly got fed up with me and just left me here... I twiddled my thumbs together as the images of my husband face came to my mind. Now I cant't picture anything else but the image of him being so hurt… by me. "Temari…?"

I didn't even realize I was crying, my face was so numb….my body was so numb. I guess it didn't register to me that my eyes were leaking like a facet.

"I messed up everything…"

"Don't say that, you've just been though a lot and-"

"Please Sakura you weren't there! you didn't see the hurt in his eyes! My sons eyes!...i ruined everything…. My family... my marriage! I hurt them both beyond repair… He'll want nothing to do with me anymore! He hates me…"

"Shikamaru nor Shikadai hate you Temari-"

"Sakura he found out I tried to get the abortion behind his back!" My hands instantly went to the sides of my head, as I felt a huge throbbing sensation overwhelm me. God... I couldn't even imagine what was going though Shikamaru head when he found out… " His mother saw me leave the clinic….she saw me…and called him. Hell despite him knowing that way, the whole clan probably knows now! He's the Nara clan leader…assistant to the god damn Hokage! and there's probably news of his wife going behind his back getting an abortion!!" I collapsed back into the bed, my spine felt tingly again. "…i….I've hurt….e-everyone.." I hope if I fall unconscious I stay that way forever!

"Temari clam down, you'll work yourself up again-"

"I don't care! If something bad happens to me I deserve it!" I threw my pillow at her. I was just over everything and I wanted to be left alone! I felt Sakura hand hold mine, and I knew she wouldn't be leaving my side. But I wanted her too….i wanted her to be just as disgusted with me as I was of myself! My sheets were soaked with my tears, " why…why did this have to happen…" I've never been the person to cry life was unfair and how I was dealt the bad apple, despite how hard my life was…I knew others had it worse so I couldn't complain. But now…now all thats changed! What did I do to make this happen to me…why could've this have happened to someone else! And I hate myself for wishing this on someone else. Knowing I wouldn't want this to happen to anyone, god forbid. But... this WAS not fair! My body curled up into a tight ball. I was a crying mess…I just wanted everything to be over.

"It'll be okay Temari…it won't be easy but it'll be okay."

"It won't be if Shikamarus not with me…n-nothing will be okay."

"He is with you Temari-"

"How?!...w-w…why would he want to p-put up with me…after all I've done to him…"

"Because he loves you Temari and he's not going to let this get in between you two! Heck if I wasn't the one to tell him to go and be with Shikadai he'd be right here right now! Temari, he knows what happened and he can understand why you did the things you did."

"…I could have done something else something better…"

"You did what you thought was best, that's all you can do."…I guess… "look you need to get some rest, and get some sleep for your sake. Okay."

"…okay…" I could feel her start to step back from me to give me some space…the space that I wanted. Only thing now is...my hand would not let go of hers. It was like it had a mind of its own and in better terms it was non-verbally telling Sakura what I needed when I couldn't…

"I'll stay with you until you fall asleep, does that sounds good to you."

"…yea…thank you Sakura."

I'm not exactly sure when my body succumbed to sleep, a sleep my body longed for-but when it did it did. My ears were greeted by the birds singing outside of my window. Was it morning already? Did I sleep though the night…completely?

My eyes opened slowly. My mind goin back to try question before…I wasn't in and out of sleep or nightmares last night . I actually slept though the remainder of the night. I couldn't explain how good that felt...to finally be able sleep- to have the power to sleep.

I felt so different now…like I was a whole different women. Like a weight had been taken on my shoulders, was sleep all I needed? No…it had to be more than that. "Huh?" As I laid there in bed, I felt something on my leg. A hand was under my covers rubbing me….for a nano second I panic and thought…what if it was him. I hated that my brain automatically thought that way now but I feared him...what if he found me…and came back. But I quickly threw that notion out my head. That could never happen! I was in the hospital for crying out loud.

No one suspicious gets passed the front desk. But… The front desk wouldn't know that….how could they? They would probably let him right in! After all he could lie and say something like…like he knows me….and then they'd let him in!…and then he'd be alone with me again… he could…no no no!

I quickly closed my eyes and tried to gather myself. I just had to stay focus…I took three slow breaths, focusing on the hand touching my leg. As my trembling hands grabbed my covers for support I weighted my options…I prayed to God and everything good that it wasn't him. Please don't be him.

Then…I started to notice the pattern in which my leg was being rubbed, one circle to the right, then two to the left, then two to the right and one circle to the left… then I also noticed the hand holding my shin was large…but warm... and the sensation my body felt when touched like this…I didn't feel endangered, in fact it was the total opposite. I knew exactly who it was.

I rose my upper body slowly to see Shikamaru at the end of my bed. one hand holding his sleeping head and the other hand holding me, his thumb making circle on my leg. He had covers swapped around him…how long had be been there? Did he come late last night…or this morning ? Was he still mad at me? No he couldn't be if he's here right? Suddenly I saw Shikamaru stir like he could hear the back and forth conversation I was having in my head.

When his eyes opened they met with mine almost instantly . I gripped the covers tighter I didn't know what to expect. A happy or pissed Shikamaru, if anything I knew I had to brace for some kind of impact.

"…Ma-mari…" he had embraced me before I had a second to even blink. I stood there frozen in shock for a moment. "Thank God you're okay…" his grip tighten on me with each passing second. I could hear his teeth grinding inside his mouth as his head buried itself inside the crook of my neck. I quickly found myself embracing him just as tight. I didn't want this feeling to go away ever. It felt so right.

"..I'm so sorry…i'm so sorry for everything…" my voice was barely a whisper. Yet he heard everything I said.

"It's okay, that's doesn't matter to me Tem." But it should… and as much as I didn't want to do it, I pulled away from him, I could see my tears wanting to fall in the reflection of his eyes.

"But it does to me…you….you have to know I didn't mean for any of this to happen…i..i just." Dammit…now look who's the crybaby now, I can hardly get a word out. " I wa…want you to know I'm sorry…and that I tried my best…I tried so hard but i…" Get a grip Temari! Find your voice and tell him everything that's been bottled up! That's been weighting you down!

Now that he knows, I can be free- I'm free to tell him everything...so after a lot of struggling, and some gentle words from my husband I did… I did tell him. Finally, and he listened to everything I had to say.

After I had let all my bottled truths out - he was the only thing holding me up and keeping me together…I hated it, I hated crying I hated being so vulnerable in someone else arms. After a moment of stillness between us, Shikamaru connected our foreheads. Instantly I felt all the things he was thinking in his head, like it was transferring over to me. Our own kind of mind telepathy.

"…Temari…" he voiced while he wiped away a tear, and kissed my forehead. I could tell he wanted to say much more but he just couldn't find a way to start. So I'll start for him.

"…I let you down Shikamaru …" I found myself saying...confessing, I was speaking so low I know my husband couldn't hear me. I part of me didn't want him to hear me, to hear my truth. But his ears caught everything and a puzzled look came to his face.

"What?"

" I let you down."

"You think you let me down?"

"I know I did Shikamaru, that's what my heart is telling me!…..i..i. Betrayed you, what happened…it disgusts me- I disgusts me!" Hot water ran down my cheeks as I held his hand tight, I felt like I had been feeling this way for so long.Shikamaru has always been good to me…and I let another man have something of me I vowed to only share with my husband -I could throw up just thinking about it "…how can you even look at me the same? I can't look at myself the same…"

"But you are the same..."

"No I'm not...I don't feel the same anymore." I found myself telling him, he looked at me with great concern. Ugh why was this so hard? I knew how I felt but I still couldn't get the words out of my brain that made any kind of sense!

"I think I know what you mean... but I'd rather you tell me" did he know what I mean? How could he ?

"I…I don't feel like the old Temari you knew. I use to feel so secure and independent with myself. like I could handle anything, I didn't need help…i…I wasn't one to cry for anything. Nothing nor Nobody big or small scared me.….but now.I don't have that confidence and strength in myself... I can't trust myself anymore ! I Just have fears ...and insecurities that I can't get over...like...what if it happens again..." And I think that was when it really hit for me, saying it to myself. how I really felt…out loud, and to Shikamaru. I thought it would hurt less if I let it out but…..I'm not so sure. I still feel like curling up into a ball and crying.

"Look at me Temari." I closed my eyes even tighter, after he said this. I couldn't look at him, I didn't deserve to. "Temari, this will NEVER happen to you again. I give you my life on that promise..." gentle hands cupped my face and I felt my eyes open slowly as my head was lifted up. " ...Don't you dare for one second think that's you've let me down... the thought of that is simply impossible. And for you to even think that hurts me."

"...but I have... how can I be there for you ... help you or our son... if I can't even help myself!" Maybe I'm being selfish or something, and I'm thinking too much of the old Temari -the baby Temari. A little three year old girl who was scared of everything and everyone in her life- including her own family members!

Younger Temari just got tired of being scared of everything! Being at the mercy of everyone's will. That is why I forced myself more or less to stand up for myself no matter what. Refusing help from anyone, because if I asked for help back then... I'd be seen weak and get taken advantage of.

but besides that, I enjoy being there for my husband or my son when they need me. I need it, they both give me a purpose... something to work hard towards to protect. It's my job as a wife and mother to be able to do that...and I can't do it anymore... not like how I use to.

"...even now you're thinking about me and Shikadai when you're hurting... Temari that selfless nature of your never ceases to amaze me." you two, you boys are my world...how could I not think about you..." but Tem you have to realize you don't have to carry that weight alone. For you to constantly be considering everyone else wellbeing over yourself makes me wonder what the hell am I doing for you as your husband..."

"No, it's not that Shikamaru I swear I just..." I didn't want him to think I couldn't or didn't depend on him it's just, I've always been like this. He's a wonderful husband and I'm just too selfish to let him do things for me... "I'm sorry...if I..."

" You have nothing to be apologizing for. I'm the one who should be apologizing to you." What? Why was he apologizing to me... " in the back of my mind I've been thinking if i had just supported you on this mission from the start... then what happened to you, you wouldn't have felt the need to keep it to yourself...I Couldn't begin to image how you must have felt..."

"I...I just didn't know how'd you feel about if you knew..."

"What I would have felt wouldn't matter Temari ." He took both of my hands in his , and held them tight. I knew what he was about to say he wanted me to truly listen. " I'm a grown man Temari, if my feelings get hurt I'll deal with it. But if something is hurting you... that's my job to help you, to support you. Don't feel like you need to protect me at the risk of yourself. If I caused you to do that... I'd hate myself-if you did that, that would truly hurt me."

"I understand..."

"You give me this weigh to carry for you Temari."

"...okay..." still I fought with the idea of adding my problems ontop of his. A man can only handle so much... why would I want to add more to his plate. When I see my husband stress I stress! And knowing I am adding stress to him, it doesn't sit well with me. " But Shika-"

" There is not but to this. You'll fight the idea and I know it, and I'm prepared for it. But Tem you have to realize right now your hurting. And you might not be able to see it yet, but there are going to be times when you feel low and broken, falling apart even. You'll want to give up and you'll be mad at me. And I'll want you to be-I want you to take out that anger and fear on me. Because I'm going to encourage you to fall apart and be broken. I don't want you to fake and be the strong Temari for me... for Shikadai, when you're not. You're allowed to be broken and not know how to get yourself back up again. That's what I'm for, I'll be there with you for each step. around every corner to pick up your broken and shattered pieces."

I was utterly speechless. I pressed my forehead against his lips and he kissed me. I cried into his chest like a baby. "S...shika...maru..."

"Temari You are still the same women I fell in love with, who I asked to marry, and who had our amazing son…nothing, and I mean nothing can ever change that, not this, not anything. You are the best thing that could have happened to me, and I want you to know that…a….and what happened to you, that doesn't define you, it's not who you are. You're Temari of the sand, daughter of the Kazekage, my amazing wife and Shikadais mother" his thumbs wiped away the last of my tears as my blurry vision cleared.

"Thank you Shikamaru ." I leaned into him and he kissed my forehead. Everything always felt better when I was with him. And after having this talk with him, I felt safe with him more safe with him than I have ever felt before.

Shikamaru

I stayed by Temari side, like I promised her, it wasn't soon after we talked that she went to sleep. And as I watched her, Temari seemed to be at peace with out a care or worry in her mind. Good, that's how she needed it to be, and how I wanted it. As I watched her sleep beneath me, I realized this was the first time she has been close to me since shes been home. Resting her head on my chest, she rose and fell with my steady breathing.

To think that whole time she was with me, sitting or laying next to me a part of her was scared. And not necessarily of me, but the 'what if' what if this happened….of what if 'it' had happened again. to live and have that constantly playing in the back of her head. I couldn't fathom it. And it kills me just thinking that that sick bastard took her peace of mind from her.

But I'll find a way to get it back for her.

I told her I would carry her weight for her, and that's the god damn truth. Just thinking about what she said to me earlier, played in the back of my mind. God, out of all the crap I would talk to her about men and women when we were younger. What a dumb ass that Shikamaru was…there's no doubt women are by far stronger than men in my eyes. To still be so selfless for others when her world was practically falling apart. She held herself together so well, and anyone not knowing the truth or not paying attention wouldn't have a clue of what she was dealing with.

Man this women is amazing.

Everything she did was for my sake…. I can't get that feeling out of my chest…out of my head. Hell I probably won't ever be able to. She was worrie so much about failing me when the reality was I dialed her. I got distracted and failed my king , and I'll be damn if I fail her again.

Of all my years of playing shoji I know the value of the king in the game. One of mines was taken down, but that doesn't mean I can't rebuild her. And protect her this time… better than ever.

As I continued to watch her sleep I heard the clock ticking in the background. Soon the song went off, it was two o'clock. And I remembered telling Shikadai I would be there to pick him up early so he could see his mother. Yet she slept so peacefully, the last thing I wanted to do was wake her, let alone leave her. I felt like my thoughts must have been heard out in the atmosphere. Soon Sakura came in, she knocked softly before coming in.

"I told her you'd be here…"

"Yea…"

"When you'd get here?"

"…around five this morning I think…not sure. Didn't sleep much so I didn't see the point in staying away from her any longer."

"I see. How is she?"

"She's good, she's been sleeping for the last couple of hours." I slowly started to shift away from her knowing she wouldn't be alone now.

"That's great, exactly what I wanted to hear." Sakura then placed a chart down on a table at the foot of her bed. I couldn't make out the words, but I knew it pertained to her and her wellbeing most likely. " I'll be back in alittle while with another nurse before my shift is over to give her one last checkup before we release her."

"Sounds good."

"And also, we'll tell you both some options you might in interested in."

"Right…" knowing about the options she was talking about. I tried to push it to the back of my mind as soon as I could. My wife's already been though so much, and now she'll have to deal with that… "Hey Sakura, I'm going to go pick up Shikadai a little early today, if she wakes up just tell her I'll be back soon,"

"Sure no problem."

Leaving the hospital I knew Temari was in good hands, but I still left like I should be the one there watching her.

As I waited for Shikadai to come to the office, I felt my phone going off in my pocket. I took it out, "Oh shit…" it was Naruto, apparently I had three missed calls from him already…I forgot all about work with everything happening, Dammit. Whatever I'd deal with work later, the Kage meetings is the last thing I want to think about, even if it's tomorrow. But that's right Gaara would be in town and staying with us. Damn...i don't know if I want him staying with us with Temari just getting out the hospital. Gaara wouldn't know- I'm sure she wouldn't tell her little brother something like this either . At least not yet, with it being so fresh. " what a drag…"

"Dad! I'm ready!" My eyes then went to Shikadai was he came bouncing around the corner. The teal in his eyes sparkled bright like his mother. "Come on dad lets go!"

"Alright alright." I got up slowly, Shikadai was already out the door as I was saying goodbye to the people in the office. Geeze where this kid get all the energy in the world from? Walking to the hospital we actually passed the Hokage office, and I wondered if Naruto was looking out the window. If he was he'd definitely see me playing hooky with my son and would be the process of blowing up my phone. But since that's not happening, I'm guessing he must be preoccupied with something else away from his desk. Then I thought, why not be proactive about something Shikamaru. "Hey Shikadai! wait a second, I have to run and tell lord Seventh something, wait outside."

Immediately I saw his face change, going from excitement an anticipation to being annoyed. Hmp, even his emotions change like Temari. "Ugh dad come on! You've had all day to speak with lord seventh!"

"Quit your nagging kid, I'll be done in a second." I went up the stairway to the front doors. Being in a work place, the rules were to try to not use our ninja abilities here, especially with others co-workers who may not be trained Shinobi. So it took me some time to walk up the steps and don't get me started about the damn elevator. When I was outside his door, I paused for a moment to think about what I was going to say. I'm a grown man, I'm not going to lie and make up some excuse to my boss to why I wasn't at work, and again this is naruto we're talking about. I'm just trying to find a way to bring up the conversation without giving up too much information. "Hey Naruto it's me, can I come in?" I didn't get an answer right away. Normally I would wait, after all it could be a conference call or something- but I didn't have the time for that. So I walked on it.

When I entered his room he was buried deep in paperwork, probably going over it. Actually lord sixth was with him surprisingly. Kakashi met my eyes first. "Oh hey there Shikamaru, long time no see." Immediately Naruto eyes looked up to me, all wide eyed and annoying.

"Aye Shikamaru ! I've been calling you, where have to been?!"

"Lord sixth, lord seventh. I'm sorry for my absence, family matters called me to be home." I explained.

"Oh I see, everything okay?"

"Actually I came to talk to you about it." I began " Lord sixth if you wouldn't mind giving us a minute?"

"If you keep calling me lord Sixth I won't" I rolled my eye and forgot about his... lord policy.

"Hah, my fualt, Kakashi Sensei would you mind giving me and Nartuo a minute."

"Now that sounds much better," he slowly walked passed, patting on the back as he left. " Take all the time you need." He closed the door behind him. Leaving just Naruto and myself.

"I have to say you had me worried when you didn't show up this morning, everything okay man?" He got up and stretched.

"Well to say life's thrown me a curve ball would be putting in lightly. But I'm going to get straight to the point here. Naruto im asking respectfully to be allowed leave of the office for a little while if possible." I don't know why I added the 'if possibe' I was going to do this where or not he wanted it.

"Huh? Leave of office?"

"I know this news is rather short notice, but this is something I need to do for my family right now. I'm asking you if you'd allow my leave. Of course I wouldn't leave you hanging completely, I could get paperwork sent to my home and look over things there."

"Oh, and you need to stay home?"

"Yes, I do."

"Well, I'm not gonna lie, I'll be needed you for some stuff." He walked over to me and placed a hand on my shoulder " But I can tell this is important to you so of course I'll allow it. Especially for your family wellbeing."

"Thanks man. And I'm sure Kakashi Sensei wouldn't mind a few visit to the office to help you out either."

"Oh you can believe it!"

"Right, I'm going to head out. I'll tell the main desk to send me any paperwork you need me to look over, and I'll send them back asap."

"Sounds good." As I was about to walk out the door Naruto asked me. "Hey Shikamaru is everything really okay, I'm just asking as your friend?" I didn't turn back to look at him. But I could the concern in his voice as he said this, and it made me wonder did he know something?

"Hmp, I'm not going to lie the next coming days are probably going to push me to my limit... but I'll survive. But things are getting better now."

"Okay sounds good, don't be a stranger and stop by anytime- see ya later man."

"Cya." And I walked out the door. By the time Shikadai and I got to the hospital it was around 3:30 and I was hoping I didn't take too long with Naruto that I missed Temari checkup with Sakura. "Hey Shikadai calm down, you're too excited son."

"I'm not excited dad." I'd beg to differ but. " You think mom will be awake?"

"I have no idea, but remember your moms tried. So try not to overwhelm her okay Shikadai."

"I got it dad, now come on!" He took me by the hand and dragged me down the hallway. We were finally outside her door. I knocked to make sure she knew someone was coming in. When I opened the door and peeked through she was staring out the window, I wonder what she was thinking.

"Hey Temari." She turned when she heard me call her.

"Shikamaru…"

"Mom!!" Before I could stop him, our son went rushing over to his mother. Completely forgetting what I had just told him, tsk, I figured just as much. Hmp and my wife was no help picking up Shikadai as he jumped on her bed.

"Aww baby, ive missed you so much..."

"Hmp looks like you remember what we just talked about Shikadai." I closed the door and walked in. Immediately I could see Shikadai process what he just did.

"Uh... sorry mom" he tired to jump off the bed but Temari wouldn't let him.

"No I'm so sorry Shikadai…" she held him so tight I was afraid he lose all the air in his body. But I guess he was okay it , because he was holding her just as tight. "I'm so sorry…"

"You spoil him too much." I voiced using her own words against her. She quickly caught on and rolled her eyes at me. If I spoiled our son it was bad, but if she spoiled him it was alright, haha.

I could hear Shikadai struggle to fight back his tears. Temari patted him on his back. "it's okay Shikadai…everything better now." She looked to me as she said this, and I felt my spirits lift.

"I-I'm s-sorry…i…I don't want to cry…"

"It's fine baby, really."

"…but…but not t-trying to be a. Crybaby….and beside…i-I'm sorry for yesterday…i…I froze when dad needed me." As I think about it, maybe he got this trait from my father, and as weird as it sounds thinking of my father in that light, but… the kid wears his heart on his sleeves. Which I'm not mad about, at least you know he cares and has a passion for something.

"You're not a crybaby Shikadai."voiced his mother

"..y.yes I am…" I went over and sat on the end of the bed.

"Shikadai it's okay really, you're always so hard on yourself. What did we talk about yesterday?" I voiced looking to him.

"I…know…"

"But you know what Shikadai ,it's okay to cry sometimes. " voiced Temari "Everyone cries, everyone feels upset or sad."

"Yea…"

"And if it makes you feel better " I added " no one can get the category of crybaby, but me son." I watched my son wipe the tears from his eyes. And the sadness was soon replaced with a big smile.

"Hahha! "

"And besides you and your father are both my little crybabies and I love you dearly!" She kissed his cheek again and hugged him tightly.

It was this moment, the small snapshot of joy and content within my family that made me feel like the bad in this world, didn't have the power to destroy everything. Seeing Temari hug our son like nothing else mattered and Shikadai being, more than willing to be smothered by his mother made life worth it. And the fact that I'm here, being able to witness it…god I'd never take this for granite.

For that moment everything was prefect. Shikadai was playing his video game at the end of the bed, completely consumed in his own world. Temari and I watched in amusement. Hmp, I'd say I watched on in amusement more than her. I'd feel her go in and out of sleep from time to time as her head leaned on my shoulder. Our hands tightly intertwined, never wavering for a second.

Knock knock.

I turned my head to the sound coming from the door. Shikadai like I said was consumed in his game, but hearing the knocking woke Temari up from her slumber. "Hey it's me again, how's everything?" Voiced Sakura walking in with a red headed nurse I wasn't familiar with.

"Hey Sakura." I vocied sitting up some. "Looks like I didn't miss you after all."

"Seems so." I then nudge Shikadai with my foot so he'd pay attention to the other adults in the room- this generation with their technology is interesting.

"Hi Aunt Sakura " Then the red hair nurse stepped forward with a smile.

"Hello Mrs. Nara I'll be giving you your check up okay."

" Okay."

"Hey Shikadai, why don't you come with me, I've got some errands I need you to help me with." Vocied Sakura.

"Really?" His voice wasn't one of thrill , but he knew it couldn't stay in with room. "Okay, here I come." he slowly got himself off the bed, taking his game with him.

"Don't worry we'll be back soon."

"Okay, sounds good." The two exited the room. Leaving Temari and I with the nurse.

"Alright lets get started shall we." I saw as Temari nodded her head to the nurses response, but it was a nervous nodd rather than her assured nod.

"Hey Tem, would you like me to leave or stay?"

"No stay."

"Alright, sounds good."

As Doctor gave Temari her last checkup, I stood a few paces behind her and the curtain, occasionally I turned my attention to the side when I noticed her gaze slowly wander in my direction.

But she rarely looked back. I could tell she was uncomfortable and some part of her didn't want me to see her as she was. I don't know if it was due to the bruises themselves or if knowing my gaze was actually on her which made her uncomfortable. So I tried my best to respect her and not look. I was just there for support- but it was hardly starting to feel impossible to keep my emotions at bay and my common sense in check.

Seeing for myself the condition of her body, made my body instantly have a reaction that I hoped she didn't see. Seeing the cuts and bruises made me sick to my stomach ... no it was worse then that. Seeing them made me feel hollow inside. Knowing how that monster touched her...

Mmm calm yourself Shikamaru! Temari already uncomfortable the last thing she needs to know is I'm uncomfortable too. I wiped the sweat from my hands distracting myself... but it really didn't work.

The doctor had noted the bruises were ten times better compared to the first day reports she had read. Which to me, made my stomach knot in and around itself . It was my first time seeing them and all I could see was a huge hand mark on the mid-section of her back. half below her bra strap. It was dark blue, turning purple…and this is better?

I didn't want to see what the front of her body looked like. I didn't want to know, it'd be too much.

"Now Temari how's that right rib? The charts say you bad some bad bruising."

"Much better actually." Her voice was hushed some.

"And the bleeding, it's stopped right?"

"...y-yes."

Oh God, I had to shake my head and get the sight and thought out of my mind. because if I didn't I would have gone mad and more upset that she hadn't let me known all this sooner!

I could feel the urge growing inside. I could clearly see the way I was going to find and kill that bastard once given the chance. I had already thought of 20 different ways to slowly torture that snake. Mind you I had no idea what the guy looked like but trust me... it didn't matter.

"Well everything looks better Temari, that I can say for sure." The voice of the doctor brought me out of my contemplating state. " but still take some time to recover a good couple of weeks."

"…yes ma'am "

"You can start to get your things ready and I'll see you two outside."

"Sounds good." As Temari turned around and went over to get her things back on the bed near me, I couldn't help but noticed she avoided my gaze. So I went over to the door to open it for the doctor to give her some space. I have to remember this is going to take time.

Time for me to be able to handle the reality and time for her to warm up to the idea of me being there even in the uncomfortable spots.

"Mrs, thank you." I voiced opening the door.

"Of course this is my job, Mr. Nara isn't it. "

"Yes, ma'ma."

"Here, I want to give you this." She handed me a small piece of paper with a number on it. I looked at her puzzled. " It's a outreach program. If she needs to talk to anyone about something , or when you know she needs to talk to someone at the moment. It can both work ways really even for you if you have any questions or concerns."

" therapy? " I remember always toying with her about her needing therapy to control that hot temper of hers, of course it was a joking manner but now... now she really needs it.

"Yes, I know Temari would not be a fan of it, but I know it will be good for her. And the sooner you start the better."

"Of course, if you think this is good for her then she'll go. "

"Alright The unfair stigma that comes from people who go to therapy is really wrong. But this is just were she can go and talk to anyone, it doesn't even have to be about the rape. She can talk about absolutely anything and someone is just there to listen."

"Okay..."

" this is for the best. So she should really go."

" Dont worry I'll get her there." Even if I have to drag her which will likely the case.

"Alright, but remember no forcing anything. If she's not willing then you really can't make her. Despite how frustrating it might be as a love one. You want the But well... I'm sure you know what I mean."

"Yes ma'am I do."

"Oh and one other thing." She came over alittle closer this time, leaning in some. " In your line of professions I know the term isn't new to you, Shikamaru, Temari has PTSD. Even if she may try to deny it the symptoms are there." She then reached inside the other pocket and gave me another number. " Here, I want her to call this number just in case anything would happen, the women on the other line are other survivors who could help coach her out if she would have an attack."

"I see"

"A lot to take in I know, but this will be good for both you and her." I nodded my head " This type of thing doesn't just affect the victim." I guess that does make sense. honestly I'm grateful she gave me these options or else I would be going into battle with no plan or backup. If something were to happen I want to be the best prepared for a situation to help her out of it " Anyways looks like she's all ready I'm leave you two ."

"Thank you, again." I closed the door as she left, then I turned Temari, had just finished gathering her things. "Ready to go?"

"Yea."

"You okay?"

"Yea, I'm fine... so...What did you and my doctor talk about?"

"you heard?" I asked which was stupid since she clearly asked the question of what she heard us talking about.

"Just a little , I saw her give you something, what was it?"

"Just this number she wants you to call when we get home."

"What kind of number?" I scratched the back of my head, I don't want to say it's for her to sign up for therapy- but it is. I know how she'll react to that, and I'm trying to avoid pissing her off.

"it's someone you'll be able to talk to ya know, if you're feeling upset or something."

"Great…so it starts now." I could tell by her voice she was annoyed by the idea of going to some office to talk to someone about her 'feelings' again, I know this isn't my wife things, but she just has to learn asking someone for help doesn't mean you're weak. "You know I don't like therapy..."

"Don't be like that Temari, she wants to help you and she thinks this will be good for you, and I think so too." She still said nothing, she just stayed looking at her feet. " and I'll be going with you, so you won't be alone either."

"...I'm not worried about being alone it just…is this a Group thing or a by yourself thing. I-I don't want others to know…that's all. one person may know another person and so on and so on. And then before you know it everyone knows your business"

"I'm sure it won't be like that but hey we can ask about it."

Knock knock

We both looked to the door. I forgot we were just standing there.

I opened the door for Sakura.

"Hey you all done?"

"Yes and about to leave."

"Good, I still have Shikadai occupied for a little bit. We should have some time before he returns. But I wanted to talk to you guys about your plans." Sakura stepped in and closed the door behind her. " regrading the pregnancy and all." Hearing the word, 'pregnancy' did send a different shiver down my spine. More of a painful twinge then anything, that's for sure. But this feeling in my body wasn't just me, I could feel the same tension too coming from my wife as she stood beside me.

I saw her place her hand to her stomach.

"I want to end the pregnancy."

"Are you sure?" She looked up at me as I said this. Not expecting me to say anything like that. Believe me the last thing I want my wife to do is to have this mans child. And no matter the urge I have myslef to pull that damn thing out of her with my own bare hands- I can't ignore the risk of the procedure. She wouldn't only be putting her body though a lot of stress, Plus Temari isn't a fan of needles . That I know for sure. When we went on our frist date the topic of her childhood came up. I learned her father tried to use her body has the Sands frist jinchuuriki- which I had no idea. So the hell she went though with him she's still dealing with now. " I'll go along with anything you want to do, I just want to make sure you'll be okay."

Needless to say I learned a lot about her that day. Now knowing this I can't just say in plain faith go and get an abortion. What if it trigger her? Like I did...I mean I don't know what happens to women when they get this procedure but I know it has to be an uncomfortable. I'd think it be best to avoid situations like that, espically since I most likely wont be able to be in the room with her. I wouldn't want her to go though at alone.

"I'm sure."

"Okay, then ."

"So, I'll set up an appointment with one of our doctors then, it'll be very discreet in one of the lower rooms in the hospital. When would you like to set the appointment?"

"As soon as possible." Her voice was anxious.

"Alright, ill go see the next available date for you to come in. And I'll tell Shikadai to meet you both downstairs " We both nodded as we watched Sakura leave.

"You okay?" I asked after a moment of silence, as we walked down the hall. "You seemed alittle anxious back there."

"I just want to get this over with, and I want things to go back to normal that's all."

"Well, that's going to take time Tem. It's not going to happen over night."

"I know that."

"I know, I just don't want you rushing into anything. That's all I'm saying, I'm just looking out for you."

"Thanks…" she still seemed down about soemthing.maybe us still talking about the matter was stressing her some?

"I took off work for a little bit so I can stay home and be with you."

"Huh, what? Why would you do that Shikamaru, you love your work and beside you know Nartuo needs you!" Yup, there's that Temari I know.

"You need me too Tem, I can't be two places at once."

"I see shadowing clowning yourself would be too much work." Teasing me.

"Damn right, Naruto stretches himself too thin sometimes with his clones. Which makes it harder for him to do his work. I'm not trying to be like that-." I then felt a hit from the back of my head.

"…lazy!"

"Ouch women!." I rubbed the back of my neck which was stringing like crazy, thanks to my wife.

"You know that Nation needs you Shikamaru! We could be heading into another Ninja war now thanks to you! Get some priorities please."

"Temari… you ARE my priorities- which is something you don't seem to get." I annoying poked the side of her temple, which she loved when I did this, but she always acted like she hated it. She immediately turned red in the cheeks.

"You're so annoying."

"And you're so troublesome."

"I sure am starting to feel that way" she said this in a hushed tone, which I don't know why she would try to do that. My ears hear everything, and besides Im right next to her anyway. She instantly read my face, she knew I hated it when she referred to herself as being troublesome to me- that was my job calling her tourblemsome, not hers." I'm sorry…I just feel you leaving work Is my fault. Shikamaru you don't have to babysit me." Why did she always see me staying home to take care of her a problem? Is that what all women think? Even when she was pregnant with Shikadai she didn't want me staying home.

"I'm not babysitting you."

"You say that now…I'll give you a couple of hours of being home and I'll want to strangle you."

"Please." I took her hand in mine and brought it to my lips and kissed it. " and besides this way I'm home more to be with you and Shikadai, now family dinners won't be such a rare occasion."

"I guess it would be nice to have someone help me around the house." A sly smile came to her face, and I could only wonder what she was thinking. If anything I'd know I have two bosses to report to now, Naruto at the office, and Temari at home. But lets be honest she has always been the boss of me.

"Hah, that's what I'm here for."

When we got to the front desk, Shikadai was already waiting for us. He was sitting along the side of the hospital wall. His eyes drifting from person to person as they walked back. When he finally noticed us, he shot up and came over.

"There you guys are, I was waiting forever."

"Sorry son." I voiced.

"Hey Shikamaru, I'm going to check out at the front desk and see if everything all ready."

"Sure thing. Come on Shikadai." He and I went back to where he was sitting. I never took my eyes off Temari as she walked away from me, I couldn't chance it. While we were siting down Shikadai was talking to me about the things Sakura had him do. And to be honest, I wasn't really listening. Something about Temari posture was bugging me. Her shoulders seemed more hunched then normal and she had that nervous thing she does with her leg by tapping her foot against the other. Something was up, so I went and walked over to make sure everything was okay. "Wait here Shikadai."

"Um….okay."

"Hey Everything okay?" I asked coming from Temari side. Both her hands were turning white from gripping the counter. "Hey Tem, where's the lady who suppose to be at the front desk?"

"She went back to talk with the doctor about the schedule appointment."

"What she say about it?"

"She said I couldn't come in for another month and at that the very end of that month." month?! I'm sorry but that seemed too long of a wait for this. And for my liking as well. We are NOT waiting that damn long!

"What the hell is with that wait?"

"Something about the doctor being in and out of town with various conferences . I asked her if I could just have another doctor instead, we can't wait that long."

"I understand. But don't worry I'm sure they'll work something out."

"But what if they can't and we have to wait that long Shikamaru."

"Then we'll go somewhere, don't work yourself over this Temari."

"Right, sorry." I didn't blame her though, another day with this was another day too long. suddenly that very women- I'm thinking, came back from behind the door.

"Okay Mrs. Nara i have good news. I was able to squeeze you in with a different doctor for next week. It's with a different doctor but hopefully that works out better for you."

"Yes it works out perfectly"

"Good, I'll set it for this coming Friday."

"Thank you so much."

"See Tem, everything worked out like I said."

"You're right." Wait what?

"I'm sorry what did you just say? You said I'm right?"

"Don't get full of yourself."

"Haha don't worry im not, okay maybe just alittle." she rolled her eyes.

"Alright I have evrything check out, I'll be seeing you next week then drop off will be at 6 am." Six in the morning….Good God.

"Yes, thanks again." We then turned to leave.

"Better?" I asked.

"Much better"

"Good, come on lets head home." I took her small hand in mine and we followed our son out the door.

 **Authors Note**

 **Man this chapter really pulled at my heart string and I hoped you all enjoyed it ! Man 13k words... and to think I wanted to add in another section to finish this chapter ! I think I'll just add that part in the next chapter lol. After all we have to bring back Shikamaru mom right?! And we all know how over baring she can be but...anyways what did you think might come up next?!**


	9. Chapter Nine

**_Santuwa, yes this is a tragedy. But don't worry I'm not that heartless we will have a sliver lining._**

 ** _winnyz, thanks for the review! And yes there needs to be some justice done! Let see what will happen._**

Chapter Nine

Temari

I can't tell you how good it felt to leave the hospital. The whole ordeal was and is exhausting and I cant wait to get home and in bed. I held my husband hand tight as we walked down the street, our son walking ahead of us engulfed in his game. As I looked a him I'm glad he seems to be okay. I still feel terrible about our argument Shikamaru and I had, and Shikadai seeing it. I know he looks and acts fine. But we all know children hurt the worse when it comes to their parents arguing.

"You okay?" I looked up from my train of thought to meet Shikamaru eyes. His hand was holder me tighter now. I must have been stuck in my head for a while. Longer than I must have thought.

"Yea, I'm good. Just thinking." He sighed with a small smirk. "What?'

"When we get home, you'll do known of that okay. Just sit back and try to get some rest. Okay?" I nodded. I knew I couldn't argue with him and this, and in truth I didn't want to. An extended period of time in the bed was going to feel like heaven after sleeping on those hard hospital mattresses.

when we got to the Nara compound everything was still and quiet, until we got to the front door. Right as Shikamaru was about to open the door, his mother, Yoshino beat him to it. the look we both shared on ur faces, one could tell we were more than just surprised.

"Shikamaru and Temari Nara, where have you two been?! You both had me worried sick. I've been calling the house and your phones and no one answered!" My husband and I both shared an exaggerated sigh.

"Haha, mom and dad are in trouble?" Shikadai asked as he went to hug his grandmother. Yoshino bent down and hugged our son tight. Despite me being tired and slightly irate do because one my plans wont happen as I would have liked, I enjoy seeing Shikadai and Yoshino together. She spoils him rotten, more than his father!

"You bet they are Shikadai!"

"Mom? What is all this? What are you doing here?" We had walked into the house and instantly the smell of food hit me like a ton os bricks. Yoshino must have been preparing this food all night, it was like we had a whole buffet in front of us.

"This my son is a nice family dinner."

"But why? And don't get mad when I ask you this, but how did you get into our house?" I'm not going to say she isn't crazy enough to break in. This is Yoshino we're talking about, she scares me.

"Because you two had me worried, and when I get worried I cook!" Oh geesh. " and you gave me a key to your house, remember." When Yoshino said this, I immediately looked to Shikamaru. I told him not to give his mother a key to our house, it would bit us in the ass later and guess what's doing now. Look it's not that I don't want my mother in law in my house or around, but Shikamaru got his over protectiveness from his mother. When we told her I was pregnant with Shikadai she practically had eyes on me like a hawk the whole nine months! Every Nara in the compound was watching over me while Shikamaru was away. It was just too much for me.

"…I told you not to give her a key…" I whispered in Shikamaru ear, as he and I took off our shoes before walking into the kitchen. He gave me an ' I know I know ' look.

"She's my mom, I had to give her a key…"

"She's crazy…you know that right?"

"Hmp, which is why you two get along perfectly ." Now was not the time for that stupid smirk of his…I rolled my eyes at him as I got and head to the bedroom.

"So where are you two been? I've been calling your phones and no one answered. " I looked to my mother and sighed I thought she was over the subject but I guess not. "The only one I didn't call was Shikadai and that's because he doesn't have a phone."

"Hmm, maybe I should get a phone too, huh grandma-"

"Don't even think about it kid." His father crushing his dreams.

"Huh…fine." Shikamaru and Shikadai were both getting plates in the kitchen. While they did this I tried to sneak into the hallway, I was hoping Yoshino wouldn't notice. But what was I thinking, she's Yoshino and a mother for that fact. We mothers notice everything.

"Temari where do you think you're sneaking off to? You haven't said a word, are you trying to be a ghost." As I was about to say something, Shikadai thought he'd take it upon himself to help me.

"Mom's really tired grandma."

"Tired? None less, you're never too tired for a family dinner." She then took my hand in hers and walked me back into the kitchen. "Besides what do you have to be tired for, you're young!"

"Yea but mom was in- ouch!" From the corner of my eye I was Shikamaru pop Shikadai to get him to stop talking, before he said too much. I'm glad his mother didn't see that, who knows what she would have done.

"What was that dear?"

"Mm…nothing mom." Shikamaru pushed Shikadai to the side some. Ugh I shared a looked with my husband. Everything in me did not what to deal with Yoshino today, and I could tell it was the same for Shikamaru too. But it's so had to say no to Yoshino, like seriously this women has an unknown power that I have yet to discover.

"Oh, okay then." I then saw Yoshino eyes go back to me.

"Right…dinner."

"It wouldn't be the same with you dear." She showed a smile that looked greatly like Shikamaru.

"Okay, family dinner…sounds good." I mustered the fakest smile I could, as I let my mother-in-law lead me to a kitchen filled with food. Well, at least when Gaara comes there'll will be something here for him to eat.

We all sat down at the dinner table, and as my mother-in-law suggested the family dinner would be good for me. And it was, it's not like we have a a lot of family dinners to begin with, so Yoshino making this happen does mean a lot. However no matter how happy I am seeing my son laugh with his grandma- after the night he had had- my body on the other hand was miserable and sitting in front of a plate of food did not make matters better…

"You okay?" I heard Shikamaru voice. We were both watched Shikadai and Yoshino conversation across from the dinner table.

"It's nothing, it's just my stomach. All this food is just making me alittle nauseous."

"You should leave while she's distracted…"

"And have you fend for yourself once she finds out? I can't do that. I'm not that heartless."

"Tem I can control my mother." Ha please, I didn't even have to give him a look for that ridiculous statement. "But seriously you look drained you need to go lie down"

"Thanks captain obvio-" suddenly I felt my stomach crunch inside of me. The little food I did manger to eat earlier in the hospital was forcing it's way up my throat. I placed one hand over my mouth and the other around my stomach. Dammit! I quickly got up from the table, interrupting Shikadai and Yoshino conversation. I tried not to make any eye contact with my family as I left so suddenly, but I could feel their eyes all on me. I rushed to out bedroom and into the bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before I collapsed onto the floor. Dam… I forgot how weak these stupid pregnancy hormones made me.

Knock knock

I slowly opened my eyes to hear and see the door opening. Was I out or something. I don't remember falling asleep, yet my vision was blurry right now. "Hey you okay?" Shikamaru came in a sat next to me, before sitting down he handed me a glass of water with peppermint in it. Something I use to crave when I had morning sickness with Shikadai. "Here, will this still help?"

"Yea thanks, you remembered?"

"Of course, what kind of husband would I be if I forgot something important as this." I took a sip slowly, I instantly started to feel better.

"Is your mother still here?"

"Yea, but she should be leaving soon, or at least that's what I'm hoping. She's being a real pain right now." He scratched the back of his head and yawned, and he was talking about me being tired. I slowly got up. 'Hmm?"

"I'm going to say sorry for leaving so suddenly."

"No it's fine Tem really."

"You know how your mother is Shikamaru, I'm saving us both the trouble." I leave him sitting in the bathroom while I slowly walk down the hallway. Yoshino was giving Shikadai his last hug, as he stepped back I saw Yoshino look up to meet my gaze.

"Temari?"

"Yoshino, I'm sorry for leaving so suddenly."

"No that's okay, it everything alright with you."

"Yes of course, just an upset stomach." I tried to laugh it off but I then felt her hands wrap around my own tightly.

"Temari I know you're lying to me." I froze for a second. Not knowing what to do. "I don't know if Shikamaru told you. But I saw you leave the clinic the other day, I didn't have the chance to catch up with you, but you had me really concerned dear."

"I'm sorry…I just had an appointment…."

"It's okay you don't have to tell me. I just wanted to know you were okay. You are my only daughter you know. " Suddenly I felt a hand wrap around my waist and a kiss on the back of my neck. Shikamaru seems to waylay come out of nowhere now. I use to always be one step ahead of him at everything, now he's getting the better of me.

"Night mom, we'll see you later."

"Kicking me out already?"

"Ha, no. But I do have work in the morning."

"Right, I'll call you guys when I get home." I gave her one last hug, and Shikamaru leaned over and gave his mother a hug and a kiss. Before he walked with her to her compound. Which was right around corner but of course Shikamaru would not let his mother walk alone.

"Alright, it's time for you to head to bed Shikadai."

"Ugh, okay." Before he fully turned around to head to his room I heard his little voice ask something. "Um hey mom, you're feeling better right…I mean, everything is okay right?" I paused for a second, figuring what I should say.

"Yea, I'm fine Shikadai just getting back to my old self."

"Ha okay, but if you ever need anything mom I can always stay home from the academy-"

"Don't even think about it Shikadai, now get to bed."

"Yes, mom…" well I can't say he didn't try. I watched him walk down the hall. His shadow disappearing into the darkness of his room. I followed slowly behind him but stopped short only after taking a few steps. I felt eerie somewhat, why I don't know. Tonight will be the first night being back from being at the hospital- and by no means am I saying I want to go back to the hospital it's just….i don't know. As I tried to figure out my feelings as I looked down my homes dark hallway, I heard the door open.

"Man my mother can nag…" he voiced closing the door behind him. "Everything okay?"

"Yea everything fine, I was just waiting for you."

"How nice."

"Shut up…" I reached out and took my husband hand in mine. I remembered when I first met him, and how I thought this little kid is one loser. Unmotivated, lacking in ambition…he was a total drag as Shikamaru would say. But I can't say that about him now. As I look at his hands that use to be small, now completely engulf my hands in his warmth." Are you sure about not going back to work? I only ask this because I know how hard you've work and what it means to you."

"I'm sure, just as sure as the day I asked you to marry me."

"How romantic." I felt his sot touch under my chin.

"Really Tem, I want you to stop worrying. I'm sure in my choice. And besides one person can only handle so much of Naruto a day. Ha, try working with the man everyday. Come on, it's been a long day lets head to bed."

"Alright."


	10. Chapter Ten

**D, I'm glad to be back to finally! And did enjoy my holiday and i hope you did as well. Yes that character was nicer compared to the others, but we definitely aren't out of the woods yet.**

Chapter 10

Shikamaru

Tuesday, and another day at the office. For once I actually don't find it too troublesome to clock in anymore-well now that I'm at home, and I can do my work in my pajamas. I mean the paperwork work will still get done, that's for sure.But…that would make me even more lazy than I am now ha. Not to mention Tem would mock me, more than she does now, now that I'm a 'stay at home dad.'

"Hey dad, mom said breakfast is ready." I looked up from my paperwork to see my son standing in the doorway.

"Thanks Shikadai."

"No problem, oh hey dad why didn't you go to work yesterday?"

"Hm, why do you ask?" He brought his hands behind his head.

"It's nothing really, I just noticed it when I was walking past the building coming home and I just waited for you, that's all."

"Ha, old habit huh." As I lifted up my work I noticed the two numbers that the doctor gave me fall onto my desk. I must have put them away for safe keeping and forgot about them. Hmm, maybe I should still take a look at them, even though Tem is doing fine I still have my concerns. I feel like I can help with more, besides just staying home with her.

"Yea I guess-." Temari.

"Boys! if you don't come down now your food will get cold"

"Coming!!" My son and I both answered simultaneously. I got up from my chair and followed my son to the kitchen. There Temari already had Shikadai lunch packed for him.

"Here, put this in your bag before you forget."

"Thanks mom." I walked over and started making my coffee. When she heard the machine working behind her my wife turned my way with a small smirk.

"I was going to make that for you." She voiced getting a cup from the cabinet for me. "Enjoy taking my job huh?" I rolled my eyes.

"Please…" I took the cup she handed me and before she could turn to leave to sit with Shikadai as he ate I leaned over and kissed her. "Hey, I was thinking today might be a good day to call the program the doctor told us about." And before you say anything and before I could see her face change —which I knew would happen- you're probably thinking why I would bring the matter up knowing how my wife would react. She folded her arms and leaned against the counter beside me.

"Why did I have a feeling you would bring that up."

"Hmp, because our minds think alike." I took a sip of my coffee. I looked up for a moment to make sure Shikadai wasn't paying attention. But as I figured he was too into his breakfast and game to be concerned with this parents. " not only that I think it will be good…I just feel like its something you have to do. Besides it can't hurt to try and I know you're doing way better than before. That's just my thinking on it but what is yours?"

" well I understand, and I know it's all because you want to help, but…I don't know about it honestly. I think everything is fine. You being home with me has really helped honestly. It makes me feel better…safe. I just worry that doing that…and talking about it will bring it all up again." I nodded to her response, and I couldn't argue with it. I don't know if she noticed but she was unconsciously placing her hand over her stomach when she said this. I don't know what to make of this, but I probably shouldn't bring it to her attention. I leaned in and kissed her again.

"I'll do whatever you want to do-"

"Oh man I'm late!" Suddenly Shikadai was grabbing the rest of his things and tossed them into his bag.

"That's what happens when you play your game at the table…" her ability to disciple and still sound caring at the Same time amazes me.

"I know I just thought I had more time…sorry"

"Don't worry about it, I'll clean the table for you."

"Ugh thanks mom! Bye mom bye dad!" He closed the door behind him as he took off, game in hand.

"Hmm." Suddenly I was taken out of my daydream I felt a heavy plate get nudged into my ribs. "here you're on kitchen duty."

"Huh?" I lifted a brow, kitchen duty? What was she talking about?

"You heard me, and look. He barely ate anything." I looked down at the plate that maybe had two bites taken out of it. Which I think is normal, I'm not much of a breakfast person myself so he probably gets it from me. "Playing that game you got him for his birthday."

"Oh…" I actually needed an explanation hah. Now it makes more sense. "Hey he's a good kid."

"I know that. I just don't want him getting distracted. You know he gets it from you."

"Well I'm proud to say Shino hasn't called us about him falling asleep in class. I know my mom got that call at least twice a day."

"You're a mess."

"Hey, I didn't come out that bad!"

"No I mean you're literally a mess. Hurry up and put on some decent clothes. I'm heading out to shop for today in a little bit."

"Ugh no sleeping in and watching tv with you I see….what a drag."

"You volunteered for this remember?"

"I know I know." I cleaned off the plate of any remaining food and put it in the sink with some hot water. "What?" I said finally noticing Temari staring at me. "Are you undressing me with your eyes?"

"Hah, I like my man in this kitchen , it's sexy. It'll be fun having you around the house now." I struggled to keep a straight face. I hated entertaining her mockery but I have to admit it is funny to me. I'd rather have my wife mocking me with love and humor than not saying anything to me at all. It looks like to me that we've finally gotten out of that rocky place we were in no more than a week ago.

At Market

"Okay so what are we doing here?"

"Getting something for your mom. She was so nice the day we got back from the hospital I just wanted to show her how much I appreciated it. Besides I know she was worried and all. And I think what I have in mind she'll like, but I want your opinion first. That's why I brought you. It's just up at that store ahead."

Hmp, sounds like a nice plan to me. As we got closer a large shadow caught my attention as it was waving it's hand in a air walking my way. I turned to see Choji coming our way with a hand full of food.

"Hey Temari I'll be right there I'm going to chat with Choji for a bit."

"No problem."

"Hey buddy, how's everything going!" He asked getting closer to me.

"Better, and improving I have to say."

"That's good to hear. I have to say you both had me worried."

"Yea…I know." My mind instantly went back to the day. I hadn't thought about it for the most part, but even then, if something reminds me of it. It only takes less than a second for me to go back to that dark place. "But…it's getting better. I'm staying home with Temari for a bit while she's recovering with everything."

"I understand, from the looks of it she looks good."

"Yea…anyway what are you doing in the market?"

"Chocho got the stomach flu."

"Oh I see, sorry to hear that. But…you seem to be buying a lot of food for someone not eating."

"Ha, that's quiet the contrary. On the last mission I was on I learned you can heal almost any illness with food. Plus my wife's been telling me that too. So Kurai sent me to the store to get all this. I was just heading back, I'm glad I ran into you man."

"Same here. And Choji I still have to say thank you, for everything you did for me and my son that night. You really saved us…heh me truthfully."

"You don't have to thank me Shikamaru, I know you would have done the Same thing for me." And he was absolutely right about that. I'd give this man the shirt off my back if he needed it. Choji's more like a brother to me than a friend and he knows this. "Anyway I have to get home to my family. You and Temari enjoy the rest of your day man!"

"Same." We then said our goodbyes and I went in the direction of the store. When I got in, it wasn't hard to spot Temari from the other women. She has always been a stand out to me, not only that everyone else in the store was hustling back and forth while she was standing still looking at the small tv screen up on one of the store counters."Good I've found you, hopefully I didn't have to wait too long. Choji was just telling me about Cho- Temari?" I walked over to the other side. "Hey Tem, what's wrong…" I grabbed her arm gently to snap her out of this frozen trace she was in. "Tem…Tem talk to me…" I fought back the worry and concern in my voice. With a passing seconds. But it's like…what the hell happened?Her skin is cold to the touch and I was watching the color literally drain from her face. "Temari, you need to talk to me now." Her teal eyes were distance and the reflection from them showed the news picture on the tv screen. It was only then I opened my ears to the noise coming from the tv behind me. It was news that a local women from a neighboring village had been attacked by a ninja. A suspected rouge ninja if I heard the news women right. "Shit…" now it all makes sense. I took Temari hand and lead her out of the store.

"Hey wait! You didn't pay for that!" I turned to see The store manager running at us. My eyes followed to were his hand was pointing. I looked down and saw the angel necklace dangling from Temari limp fingers. "Wait!!"

"Here dammit!, it was an accident."annoyed I handed the man back his jewelry. Which he was making such a fucking commotion about. "Geeze…" we turned to leave. When we were outside of the shopping center I stopped and turned to look at her. Now that we were away from the public eye. "Tem…Tem are you okay?" Her gaze was casted downward. "Temari!" She still wasn't answering me…dammit. Looking at her I can see sweat forming on her forehead as her breathing starting to get more shallow. "…Dammit. Don't worry we're going home."

Great, I can't believe this. Of all of things that could happen...and places as well. I'm definitely calling the outreach program whether she wants it or not. I have to help her, protect her...and seeing her like this, so suddenly when just moments before she was fine. God that bastard! I can't believe he now he has the audacity to keep attacking other women! This monster is going to be dealt with. I can already imagine the ways he will die by my hands.


	11. Chapter eleven

Chapter 11

Temari

I laid in the bed motionless. I couldn't think or feel anything. My body felt like a heavy boulder, cold and heavy. Everything was weighted down by the earths gravity and I couldn't fight it. How could I be so stupid to think I was safe here in my home, when he is still roaming the streets! I should know better…I'm over here trying to act like nothing every happened and that I can easily forget what happened. I…I want to so bad! So why can't i? Why can't I just forget all of this…not think about it or him ever again! I grabbed onto my sides tightly trying to stop my quivering body. But I don't seem to be in control of anything anymore.

I just need to breathe….breathe….

Knock knock

"Hey Temari, can I come in?" I nod my head to him. I don't look at him though and I don't release the tight grip on my arms that are now starting to hurt. "Can I sit with you?" I brought my legs into my chest, signaling to him that is was fine for him to sit down, but not for him to come closer and touch me. He already knew this though. "I wont stay long, I just wanted to come check on you. You had me worried…are you alright?" I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know how to answer that…not in truth, because I don't know what I am feelings. "Tem I need an answer so I can know how to help." Help? He wants to know how to help me…he can erase my memory that would truly help- "Mari…" I felt him touch my ankle and it quickly snapped me out of my thoughts.

"He's still out There…"

"I know, I saw it on the news. That's what freaked you out earlier."

"…yea…everything was fine until I saw that on the news. I just…froze."

"I know, you had me worried. You still looked drain, maybe you should rest and-"

"No…that last thing I want to do is sleep." For the first time I looked at him. I knew he could see how terrified I was. I wasn't trying to hide it…if couldn't, it would come out anyway. " everything was going to so good and now…ugh I must be stupid…"

"Don't say that Temari, and besides you're home with me. You know I never let anything happen to you." I could hear the stain in his voice from the stress I knew he had to be feeling from me. "Yet…that doesn't make you feel better, does it?" I shook my head, saying 'no'. I heard a sigh escape his throat, as an undeniable dry feeling made its way in mine. "What else can I do?"

"Nothing! You can't do anything if he's still out there!" Out of nowhere I had an explosion of anger. It was a feeling so hot I thought my insides would burn and melt away. It all was…just…so..ugh! "…I'm sorry…I didn't mean to…" dammit I couldn't my words right!

"Don't apologizes"

"Don't say that. I have no right yelling at you when you're trying to help me." I slowly released my legs to let him come closer. I took one of his hands in mine and held it for a while. " everything feels surreal. I don't know what to think anymore. I thought everything would be fine after we left the hospital but its not. I'm sacred….and I'll always be sacred. I try to forget about it…I want to forget about it…and him. And when I do I'm fine-everything's great. But when I'm been reminded. I …I can't get him out of my head. I…I can't stop thinking about it….it freaks me out! A-and I know I'm home with you…t-that you'd never let him hurt me..b-but I can't Shikamaru…I just can't trust it…i…I thought that now that you know everything would be easy. And life would go back to normal- I didn't have to hide anything anymore-but I do! I still have to hide, he's still out there and still haunting me!"

I felt the strength of my husband embrace around me. It helped, but it still didn't fix it. I felt this nagging feeling inside of me, like I was suppose to do something, I had to do something to help myself. I needed to so something to help myself! I leaned into his chest to refocus myself and listen to his steady heart beat. One, two, three…one, two, three.

"Tem, I called the outreach program and got a personally counselor for you to talk to. We go tomorrow morning."

"What?...Shikamaru why….i told you that wouldn't help."

"I didn't know what to do Temari. You had me worried sick just a few hours ago and I could do nothing for you, but bring you back home and only hope you'd turn back around. I…I'm not skilled enough to help you, but there are people out there who are. They can help you, and they want to help you just like me."

I said nothing to this….what was I suppose to say? Thank you, I don't want to do this, I don't need it and it wont help! All they are going to do is make me talk about it. Which will piss me off!

And resurface all these feelings I have…

"No…I don't want to go. I won't."

"It's going to be good for you temari-"

"How do you know what's good for me? How would they know?!"

"I don't know what's good for you, that's the whole reason Tem! Look, I know you don't like it, and you're pissed at me and I told you already I'm fine with that. You have to get whatever you're feeling out! It's the only way to not be eaten up inside…" I could be eaten up on the inside. I didn't care. If that feeling made me forget then so be it. "Ugh…though hell or high water, you're going tomorrow I'm not taking no for an answer."

"Hmp, then you'll be dragging me there then."

"Then I guess you should wear the appropriate clothing to be dragged in." I rolled my eyes bringing my hands into my chest. "I'm cooking dinner tonight, I want you to take it easy."

"Sure, whatever you say…"

"It's okay, I'll still love you if you're mad at me."

"Mad is an understatement, believe me." My husband rose from the bed.

"Well, I'm going to get some paperwork for Naruto before then, call me if you need anything." He closed the door soft behind him. While I sank back into our bed.


	12. Chapter twelve

**winnyz, yup in 2019, I'm going to buts out with multiple chapters now. Yes they aren't as long as the others, but I will it's keeping the storming moving! And yes I'm glad Shika didn't get upset with Temari. After all expressing their feelings is something they both need to work on.**

Chapter 12

Temari

I stood outside my counselors door.

"Mrs. Kazue Miyagi." I couldn't believe I was actually here,and doing this. My husband is lucky I didn't feel like putting up much of a fight with him this morning. I was just too drained to care about it. My thoughts were consumed on other minds, so you can guess I didn't get much if any sleep at all.

"You should probably knock before going in."…you should probably knock before you go in. I found myself uttering under my breath. "Uh, what was that?"

"Oh nothing." Come on Temari, you know your better than that. What use is having an argument in public with your husband. To be honest it wouldn't even be an argument he's just let me say what I have to say and move. Nothing more nothing less, which is something he knows can tick me off, if I can't tell what he's thinking.

Knock knock

"Hi, it's me Mrs.Nara…I'm here for my appointment…" was I saying this right? I glanced at shikamaru but he was no help, figured. This was his idea and he doesn't know what to do either, men.

"Come in!" Well that was a more than chipper voice this early in the morning.

"I'll be right out here, when you're done."

"Right." I closed the door behind me to enter a rather plain looking room. White walls, some small mirrors but nothing eye catching. The only focal point in this whole room was Mrs. Miyagi. " Hi, it's nice to meet you." I extended to hand for a formal greeting but she pushed that aside for a personal hug. "Oh well…you're very friendly…"

"I guess you can say that, I want all my clients to feel welcomed!"Oh boy…

"So…my husband called you yesterday?"

"Mr. Nara, yes he did. He wanted to setup an appointment so you could talk to me."

"I see, did he give any details?"

"No, he just wanted you to come here and talk to me on your own free will." Please free will, that's not what it sounded like yesterday. " Now Temari, can I call you that?"

"Yes ma'am you can."

"So Temari, what brings you here today?"

"Well I guess- no, I know my husband is worried about me. He wants to help me, but doesn't know how. I'm really no help because I also don't know how either."

"May I ask what he wants to help you with?" I shrugged my shoulders not knowing how to answer.

" He just wants me to get help "

"Okay and help with what? Talking, listening, understanding ?" To be honest probably all three. But my stubborn nature knock the last two options right out. Especially when I am heated.

"That would probably be a good place to start. But listen, I'm fine-honesty. My husband just worries too much this is nothing I can't handle myself."

"Oh so you're a fix it yourself type of women, okay. I'll make note of that." Note of that? Note of what, I didn't say much. See this is why I don't like coming to these counseling things, it's like you tell them alittle information about you and it's like they know you! And can judge you, when they have no idea of the situation !

"…it's not like I'm headstrong and tell him I don't need him or anything" well not all the time at least.

"I understand, you're independent, nothings wrong with that. Why I left home at 15 because I didn't want to live under my parents rules. May I asks what's your occupation?"

"I am a…was a shinobi." I caught myself saying. Well I cant consider myself now one anyway. "But not anymore."

"Why'd you stop?"

"I became a mother, so I had to stop. Plus it was dangerous work as well and my husband didn't want to risk anything." She began wiring more notes down.

"Okay stopped working because of husband." What? I didn't say that. This women needs to clean out her ears, when did I ever say I stopped because of my husband. I stopped because I had too!

"No, I didn't stop because of m husband ma'am. I stopped because we were starting a family."

"Right, and after?"

"After what?"

"After you and your husband started your family, did you go back to work?"

"No, not really. Not until late."

"Mmm I see, and how did he take to that?"

"Not so will, but it's to be expected. It's a dangerous job. But I am more than- was more than capable than doing the job."

"Hm, you like to correct yourself a lot?"

"No not really, I don't know where all this..'was' is coming from."

"I see." There she does again, writing writing writing what the hell is so important that I've been saying for her to write so much? "So how did you feel when you were working?"

"Come again?"

"How did you feel when you were working? I know the job must have been difficult. What drew you to it?"

"Back when I was younger I really didn't have a choice. You where either a shinobi or you grew up to be someone's housewife. But I turned out to be that too. I don't know, most girls my age didn't want to play ninja or fight off bad guys. I did. I enjoyed training the sweating the bleeding. The challenges it always through at me. I was different from most girls because I could handle it. It's always been apart of me."

"Ha I guess you could say being a shinobi was your first love right?"

"Yea, you can say that. I actually loved it a lot." When she put it like that, and after hearing myself talk. Yes…being a shinobi was my first love, and still my love.

"What would you say would be the best part of being a shinobi?"

"Protecting others who couldn't protect themselves. I felt like I have this gift or talent so I might as well use it." A small smile kept its way onto my face.

"You seem happy talking about this. Now might I ask why you aren't one now? Your passion for it still seems strong."

"I was until something happened so I'm not anymore."

"I see, will something like that can't stop a women like you I'm sure!"something like that…. Is she kidding me. That something practically killed me- it did kill me! What would she know about something, like that? What…does she think I'm feeling sorry for myself for not getting back on my feet sooner- trust me if I could I would! But I can't…I don't know how yet! And it's killing me. What's killing me more is that stupid smile on her face that's pissing me off! "Why Temari is something wrong-"

"Nothings wrong! Everything's fine. It must be time for our session to be over now right?"

"No I'm sorry we still have about 5 more minutes." Are you kidding me! I sunk back into my chair, please let this be over this now. I don't think I can stand another minute. "What did I say that triggered you Temari?"

"Excuse me?"

"Your behavior for only a moment ago made a drastic turn."

"I'm short tempered it happens."

" short tempered about what? Is something bothering you-"

"For the last time nothing is bothering me okay? You asking me all these ridiculous question isn't going to help me in anyway!" I brought my right hand to my brow and furrowed it …I knew this wouldn't be a good idea. Dammit shikamaru!

"Do you want to talk about your attack?"… my hand dropped immediately from my face. My mouth opened to curse her out, but words just weren't coming out. I shifted back in my sit crossing my arms and legs. "No? Well ill talk to you about time. I told you I left home when I was 15. I thought I knew everything and had everything in my control. Like you I was alittle headstrong, but I'm guessing you probably a little more stubborn than me. Anyway I was living in this rather big village compared to what I grew up in. I took some money from my parents to survive off of but that only lasted for so long. I needed a job, but I was only 15 and besides watching after the local children I pretty much knew nothing. But I was great with people and I figured being a waitress would be an ideal job for me. The money I was making wasn't cutting it. So one night I stole some money from the safe. It wasn't the first night, because I had stolen from then before. Unfortunately I was caught red handed by the manger who was stopping by that night. He was an older man, maybe in his late 40's. When you mess with men and their money they get pissed. I gave him back the money and told him I'd work for every dollar I stole. I begged to keep my job because without I would be homeless. I'd work double the hours with smaller pay, anything to keep me from being homeless, because I was still a child and knew the dangers of it. But my offer …that wasn't good enough for him. Not only did he say I needed to pay back the restaurant who's bill weren't get going to me met that month. But I also had to repay him and his family for their pain and suffering. Because and I quote " you selfish bitch! Stealing from his restaurant is stealing food and money away from my family. Now they have to go sleepless tonight worrying about tomorrow…." I didn't realize at the time that he was lying to me. This was the next best restaurant in the village, and I knew me stealing a 100 dollars was nothing. But I felt so sorry for his kids that I had stolen form that would now go sleepless because for me. I in short felt like I had ruined their lives being selfish. The deal was I would do whatever it took to keep my job…but I had no idea of what he meant by whatever. He took advantage of me that night, and many nights after that. I blamed myself and thought I deserved it. I mean if I hadn't stolen from him I wouldn't have been in the position I was in."

"I'm…Im so sorry…" I…I couldn't believe it…15, she was no more than a child still! I couldn't imagine her fear and pain…and being so young. "Oh my god…I couldn't…"

"It's okay, I felt sorry for myself for a while too, and then I decided I wanted to stop feeling sorry for myself."

"What did you do?"

"The only thing I could at the time, leave. If I told odds are no one would have believed it. So I played it safe and ran away again."

"…you are so strong. I couldn't imagine that happening to me at only 15."

"Strong, hmm…at the time I thought I was scared, weak, unworthy and mostly dumb for allowing it to happen to me-"

"Don't say that about yourself! How could you have known the situation would turn out like that. You gave back the money and promised to work with lesser pay. That was more then fair, that bastard took advantage of you. You shouldn't be feeling weak or scared or worthless about that!"

My fists were clenched, tigh. They were starting to ache and turn white. Every being in my body wanted to find that bastard and beat the hell out of him! He needed to be taught a lesson he couldn't just get away like that!

"Beating him too a plump always played in my mind. But that wasn't me that wasn't my strength-"

"So you let him get away with it?!That scum bag needs to be put in jail!"

" getting back at him that way wasn't my fight. My fight with him was different. Just like your fight with your attacker is different."

"…I don't understand."

"You got mad with me when you learned I did nothing."

"Of course I am ! life as a women is already hard enough! We have to do what we can to protect ourselves and others! And the fact that you let him go pisses me off!"

"Is that why you're mad? Is it because you feel you let him get away?" I froze…damn i…I never thought about it like that. Shit. "Temari?" The burning feeling in my stomach started to take over me again. Pure rage. "Tem-"

"YES! I'm pissed! I'm pissed about about what happened to me! I'm pissed that I let him get away! But I'm more pissed knowing that that deranged bastard is still out there hurting other women!...an…and I'm not doing my job to stop him- I didn't do my job…I failed…" I knees felt like jello and I collapsed back into my chair. I didn't even realize I was standing up. " want to stop him…I desperately want to stop him…I don't want him to get away with what he's doing to other women. What he did to me…I'm …I'm pregnant with his child."

"T-Temari…i"

" my husband already know…and I'm getting it taken care of…I just feel like no matter what I do, I cant beat this… and I want so desperately to feel like I am doing something to take him down."

Ding dong ding dong ding dong ding dong

I looked over in the direction of the clock. Our time was over…already? I quickly gathered myself, wiping my face and clearing my throat.

"Temari wait, I want to give you this. Here…it's my personal number. I want you to know if you ever need me, you can call at anytime."

"Thank you."

"You will get though this. You're a shinobi after all. My way of coping and getting back at my attacker was talking to other women, and helping them understand they are not alone and they will get better in time. You're strong, but you can't rush the healing process. But just from this little time with being with you I can tell your struggling with that a lot."

"Everything was going fine, until I saw the news. And it was like it was happening all over again. I don't want to be like this!"

"And you won't, but you have to give it time. May I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"How far along are you?"

"Just a week or so."

"So this is all fresh to you?"

"Yeah…"

"I know you and your husband will do what needs to be done. And you will find the peace you need, the way you need to. It probably wont be like me, but you will find something.But I want you to be careful. If you feel you are pushing yourself to much you need to stop. You can take two steps forward and ten back if you aren't careful."

"I understand thank you."

"You're welcome-"

"No really thank you…I don't know what you did, but it helped."

"Are you starting to get a better understanding of yourself and what you feel?"

"Yea I do."

Knock knock

"Mrs Miyagi you have another client"

"Thank you, well this is goodbye for now. Again call if you need anything."

"I will." I smiled at her as I closed the door behind me.


	13. Chapter thirteen

Chapter 13

Shikamaru

I wonder how everything is going in their with Temari. I haven't heard any screaming or cursing so that must be a good sign. Yet til, it close to an hour and she still hasn't come out yet. Hmp, maybe she liked this after all. God I hoped it helped at least. I can't get what she said out of my head. No matter what the situation is, she'll always be scared. Am I failing her? I have to be with that bastard running in the streets.

Hell I should have done something the moment I found out, not cried like some child…

Buzzz buzzz

I reached into my pants pocket to pull out my phone. "It's the clinic…" I opened my phone to read the text message reminder for Temari appointment on Friday. The taste of hatred and disgusted filled my mouth. I quickly shut my phone and put my head in my hands. Damn my head was hurting like a bitch.

I still can't believe- no I wont believe it. The thing inside my wife is a monster and I can't wait for it to be terminated.

I reached in my other pants pocket and grabbed my cigarettes. Smoking was by far the last thing I needed to do. But it was the only thing I could do to clear my nerves. I went over to the door to light the cigarette. I didn't even need to smoke it or put it in my mouth. I just needed tp smell it. The aroma instantly masked a fake clam that my body and mins craved.

Yes this was stupid and temporary but it's what I needed.

As I looked around the village I could only wonder where this guy was right now. Was he near the village, who were his great parents to know they raised a rapist, was he raping a women right now? I also wonder at times of what he did to her. She's never talked about it to me. I literally know nothing about what happened on that mission. If I only knew…if I was there ugh dammit !

I flipped my phone open again and went to the internet. I logged in Nartuo personal account. Did he give me his password no….was it easy to figure out, yes. I mean this is Naruto we're talking about. I went to the Konoha list of enlist mission.

When I came across Temari file I opened it, and read everything about her. Things I already knew. But under the picture of the rouge ninja was nothing. Only petty theft. "Seriously there's nothing else about this scumbag? You've got to be kidding me." But there was nothing, no pictures…extra information…special abilities. Nothing…either this monster is really good, or he just hasn't gotten caught yet.

"Hey, I was looking for you." Felt a small hand on my lower back. I turned stunned to see Temari.

"Temari i…"

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, everything fine. How did it go?"

"Good, I'm actually glad you made me do this."

"Really?"

"Yea really. Why are you out here. I didn't meant to keep you waiting long."

"No you didn't keep me waiting. I was just getting some fresh air."

"And a smoke to?"

"Mm naw not really." I took her hand in mine. " you look good." I don't know what it was, but she looked different and not in her appearance per say but. She was giving off a much different energy now. She seemed more calm.

"Thanks I feel a lot better now…I guess talking about it helped."

"Did it?" Something was telling me it would.

"Yea she even told me about her story and how she coped to get better. Now she's helping other women like me."

"Did she tell you what to do so you could cope with everything?"

"Yes and no. She gave me an example of what she did, but I'll have to find my own way that will work for me. I don't know what that is just yet though."

"Knowing you, I'm sure you'll find it. And you know I'll help you every step of the way. Come on, lets head home. If you want you can tell me all about it on the way."


	14. Chapter fourteen

Chapter 14

Temari

The remainder of the day I couldn't get what my counselor said out of my head. My fight…what was my fight? What was I doing right now that's helping me take that bastard out? I thought and thought and thought and could think of nothing…literally.

Mrs.Miyagi was telling her story and helping others….Jeez what are you doing Temari? Twiddling your fingers while he's still out there-wait…that's it I have to-

"I'm home!" My ears were met with the sound of the sons approaching footsteps. "Hey mom. How was your day, do anything fun-oomp!" I didn't need to look back to see that bottle crap knocked my son on the back of his head.

"I know you see me cooking dinner young man, you can keep your hands off the sweets for 5 minutes can't you?"

"Aww but mom, I've been waiting all day. Plus you need to be careful with that bottle cap. You could have taken my ear off!" Shikadai dropped the bottle cap in my hand.

"How many times have I told you complaining isn't becoming of you"

"Ughh alright alright I'll wait. Where's dad?"

"In his study, could you get him for me I'm almost done with dinner."

"Right on it- DAD DINN-"

"Shikadai! I swear you're worst then your father. if you don't go down the hallway and get him…"

"Sorry ! Sorry! I'm on it…" I swear that child can be the worst with Shikamarus laziness and my loud mouth. So this is what the others must have seen when shikamaru and I started dating. A lazy ass and a loud mouth. A not-so-typical pairing.

20 mins later…

"Here, you think you still have room?" I leaned over and gave my baby his chocolate cake. With a side of whip c ream to satisfy that sweet tooth of his. And yes he gets that from me.

"I always have room for your cooking mom! It looks great!"

"Well enjoy. Do you know where your father went off too? I noticed he left the table a little while ago. I had collected shikamaru plate along with my own and put the sink. I was going to take him a piece of cake but for some reason I had this feeling something was up. Where did he disappear to?

" I think he's in his study. I could get him for you."

"No that's fine you stay and eat."

"Alright."

Walking down the hallway I could see a dim light coming from underneath his study door. I tapped on I twice before I opened it. "Hey, can I come in?" The first thing I saw was the back window open, letting in a draft. Under it sat my husband at his desk looking at something on the computer. "Hey Shikamaru?"

"Huh, I'm sorry I didn't hear you come in." He sat up, I noticed that he closed his laptop. Which was odd, he never closes his laptop around me.

"I could see why, you look busy." I lean in against the door, closing it.

"Yea."

"What are you doing? What's the cause now for my husband stress?" I walked over to his desk, the same side as Shikamaru. He gave me a puzzled look from my comment. I directed my eyes to the open window. "The windows open, which means you where smoking. And you normally don't do that in the house. So what has you bothered?" I was amused by the look on shikamaru face. Like he had been caught red-handed. I know all his little tricks, he can't surprise me.

"Oh I'm sorry. It's nothing, just work." Work huh? Related to what? I can tell that there is something in his eyes he's not telling me. What doesn't he want me to know.

"I see." I came closer to him. "Scoot over." I more so demanded, but he wasn't going to fight me. He easily made room in his chair for me to sit beside him.

"What's the occasion?"

"Anything I can help with?" My teal eyes made a quick note of where his laptop was. "You are dealing with the former ambassador of Sunagakure here." He flashed that stupid smile that I love so much.

"Man I wish it was over ambassadorial matters."

"Then what matters is it under?" He smiled again, but this time it was his grin, which means he's thinking something.

"Just stuff really Temari- for Naruto." Naruto huh?

"I don't believe you" I didn't drop my smile to him as I went and opened his laptop. Before he could protest or stop me I grabbed it and left the sit. I didn't step far from his desk though. When I opened it, there nothing but information on Kuroi. "…w…what is all of this Shikamaru?" My teal eyes looked to him for immediate answers as he got up and took his laptop out of my hands.

"Ugh Tem your so nosy…"

"If you hadn't closed your laptop when I came in I wouldn't have noticed." Which he knew was true and he was probably kicking himself right now for the obvious. He and I both caught the slightly details what did he expect? "Well, what is this?"

"It's information on your mission and any knowledge or where about of Kuroi." I wasn't use to hearing venom come from my husband voice. It just wast in his character-even though I know there was a place down deep in him that was dangerous. I rarely see it. It makes me uncomfortable.

"Why are you gathering this information?"

"I just…need to know-"

"For what?...you're thinking of going after him." He said nothing, only closing his laptop again. "Shikamaru…" then finally he spoke.

"Yea I am. I'm going after him." His dark eyes looked directly at mine, no wavering no hesitation. Just one straight forward answer. Well, if he was going to be like that with me, then I might as well be the same to him. I sallowed the small lump that had been in my throat the moment I decided what I needed to do.

"Good, because I'm going after him too."


	15. Chapter fifthteen

kayna96, thank you for following this story!

Chapter 15

Temari

10 seconds pass of shikamaru and I having an awkward stare off. His face was puzzled, like he couldn't understand what I just said. Or maybe he did understand what I just say but can't believe I actually said this. I don't know. His facial expression has me nervous and I need to hear something from him soon.

"…are you going to say anything-"

" w-wait …What did you just say?" His fingers pinched his brow for a few seconds. My guess to try to get some blood up to his brain. I think staring at the laptop screen for long has is dazed.

"I said I want to go after him."

"Tem, I get that but-" before I could allow his brain to think of another 100 scenarios of what could possibly happen I cut him off. I had to if I wanted to give myself a chance at this and have him see things my way.

"Look I get what you're doing, you plan is to go after him. I know it. And I want to help you. I may not know everything about him, but I know some things. What he looks like…his mannerisms…his use of genju-"

"Are you crazy Tem, I'm not letting you do that."….what! God i don't feel like fighting him on this, I HAVE to do this. This is MY fight.

"Shikamaru you don't get it, I'm the perfect person to help you find him!"

"I know that, but I'm not allowing that to happen." I raised my brow.

"Allowing? Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I'm not allowing you to do that."

"But you've barely even heard me out!"

"I've heard you enough to not entertain that idea." He then went back to opening his laptop- refusing to carrying on this conversation anymore. Nope, that is not going to happen. I slammed my hand down on his laptop smacking it closed. And I refused to remove my hand until otherwise- glaring at my husband daring him to try to stop me. His body snuck back in his chair, he started exhaling deeply. He was stressed…if he's stressed can he imagine how I feel!?

"Shikamaru you can't be serious."

"Well I am Temari you're not going."

"I'm not going to fight you about this-"

"You're right we're not, because there's nothing to fight about." He placed his hands on his desk, and glared at me just as hard as I was glaring at him. " It's not happening." I bit my lip. It was going to be like this huh? He can't be serious. Maybe If I just explained to him how important this is to me, he will understand.

"Okay…I get it I understand. But please just listen to me. I have to do this. I'm the one who haas to stop him! Mrs. Miyagi even told me so!"

"Please I doubt she told you anything remotely close to that."

"Fine ! those might not have been her exact words. But did you not listen to what I was telling you earlier today. She fought her rapist back by helping other women cope from theirs. They take our power away from us! She is helping them get it back. if I'm going to get any amount of control back in my life I have to do this. I have to face him! I cant just let him get away with what he did to me-"

"You aren't, we'll figure something out-"

"If it's something that doesn't require me going after the bastard then no, that's not going anything! It has to be face to face! I have to see him again!"

"Why? Why put yourself though that? Why doesn't that have to happen?!"

"It just does!" By this time I was pacing. It was the only way to keep me from exploding! God why cant he just see this why way- why can't he see this has to be done! " I need this…I need closure…I need to know that I DID know that i did something!"

His hands were together now. He was thinking, however the vain bulging from his head indicated he was more pissed then put together at this point.

"Okay so lets say you do go after him, then what Temari? Are you going to capture him, and if by chance you don't are you going to be back right in the same situation you were in!? I'm not going to let you put yourself in danger again Temari, absolutely not."

"I will never let that happen to me again, you don't seem to understand that…"

"I do understand Temari-"

"No you don't, don't you dare say you understand! you can NEVER understand what I'm going though….what other women have went though! Shikamaru he's out there roaming the streets attacking other women, for god sakes I'm a shinobi! I'm supposed to protect people from him! That's my job- that's my fight!"

"No this is not! And if it is, you can fight in another way"

"So what? I'm just suppose to let this monster go and get away with this?! Is that you're telling me!"

"Ugh no-"

"Then what?? you can go after him but I can't! You can defend my honor but I can't defend my OWN! That's bullshit Shikamaru and you know that."

Then there was a dead stalemate between us. It couldn't have lasted more then 5 seconds, but right now…it felt like an eternity. " ….I can't believe you right now. What about supporting me in what I wanted to do? Did that just fly out the window, was that all talk?"

"Of course not!"

"Then let me do this!"

"For the last time NO!" His fist hit the wall behind him. Shaking the hanging picture of our family. The surreal uneasy feeling that kept over that night, reappeared again. I held my sides tight…but I refused to run away this time. After a moment of silence shikamaru got up. I wanted to walk away from him but my feet were glued to the ground. In a much calmer voice he spoke."you have my support in anything but THIS. Call me selfish, I don't care. But I'll be damned if I let him or any other man for the matter touch you again! This has not only hurt you, but this has hurt US as a family Tem." I held my tongue for a second. Flashbacks of the fight ran in the back of my head.I didn't know what to say to that. He…he had a point, with all of the drama and messed that has happened because of this. But…but it was all because of him!

"I commend your power and strength to want to do this, but my answer is no, and dammit that's final." I opened my mouth to protest- "end of discussion Temari!"

"..w..why…" my why wasn't a 'why' to his statement, I knew as clear as day his reason why. My 'why' was to the situation and why I thought in my mind that he'd actually let me do this. I was being foolish, extremely foolish.

"Look." I watched him go in his pocket and retrieve his cellphone. When he opened it I read that it was a message from the clinic. A reminder for my abortion appointment. Then it all hit me like bricks….what was I thinking. Was I so lost in the fact that I wanted to take some power over my life again that I stopped thinking rational? I'm carrying this mans baby…that just showed you how much power and control I had over the situation. He's off living day to day while I'm here traumatized picking up my broken pieces. Desperate trying to do something….anything.

"I…" I didn't even know what to say. Why was my mouth trying to find words that weren't even there.

"Tem…I love you too much to let you go though that again. Even if by chance it did work. I'm not risking losing you. You can disagree and even hate me for this, but if I think you're trying to go behind my back and find him. I WILL stop you. There is not doubt about it." The tightness of his gripped on my hands and in his eyes matched the emphasis in his words. I knew there was no way...s-so then…how do I fight him?...how can I win and get back what he took from me?

"Fine" I folded my arms around me…expecting this defeat. Hmp, I guess this should be something I'm use to now.

Knock knock.

"Hey mom, dad uncle Gaara's here!"


	16. Chatper sixteen

Chapter 16

Shikamaru

" Hey mom, dad Uncle Gaara's here." My hands instantly dropped to my side as I heard my sons voice. Ugh dam, I forgot about Gaara. Man visitors are the last thing we need in this household.

"I'll go greet him-"

"Tem wait. Look, I know you're disappointed in me but I just- I just don't think you're ready to take on something like this. Not yet."

"…right." She didn't react much to what I just said. Which to most people would think that it didn't bother her. But I know I truth, what I said just devastated her. Fuck….am I the bad guy for trying to protect my wife?

I followed her outside the study to the doorway, were she waited for me to open the door for her brother.

" good evening you two." I could see Gaaras eyes spark with a nice light from seeing his older sister. After all it had been some time since we had a family trip to Sunagakure. And with both families being so busy the time to visit him was impossible.

"Hey Gaara, you look good. How was your travel?" The sand sibling shared a hug, and from her voice you wouldn't be able to tell we were just arguing a few moment ago. " here let me take your things, I'll put it in the guest room for you."

"Thank you. How are you shikamaru?"

"I'm good, thanks lord Kazekage and yourself?"

"Ha, how many times do I have to tell you, you don't have to call me that. We are brothers in laws after all."

"Haha, right sorry…a bad habit-"

"Hey uncle Gaara, I've been working on this new jutsu moms been teaching me. You want to see it?"

"My Shikadai you've grown from the last time I've seen you. How long has it been?'

"A while that's for sure. We need to visit you and uncle Kankuro more often."

"I'd like that, and I know your cousin would like that too." I stood back and watched as Shikadai caught up with his uncle. Knowing these two they could talk and share stories for hours, so I went back to the kitchen, not wanting to disturb their fun.

11:30pm

I sat on the couch drinking my sake, Temari had turned into bed early, and so did Shikadai he had a field trip tomorrow and only enough he wanted to wake up in enough time so he wouldn't be late. So now it was just Gaara and I. He was sitting across from me on the small sofa. He seemed to be really into this book.

"Here my apologies, would you like a sake Gaara?"

"Thanks. But no thank you I'm fine with my tea."

"Heh, okay." I leaned back in my chair. For some reason the silence in the room was happening bothering me. Which is very weird. Normally I crave silence and enjoy it for time to think. I think that might be my problem. The back of my mind keeps playing the conversation temari and I had, over and over again. Maybe I didn't handle it in the best way… I cleared my throat. "Hey Gaara, what are you reading?"

"Oh this, it's a book I picked up from a local street store. It's very interesting."

"What's it about?"

"A world view of perspective, but in short how every and all perspective is one in the same."

"Hmm, sounds like a good read."

"It is."

"I forgot to ask, who's shinki doing?"

"He's good, back home studying for exams." Good.

"Hey that book you're reading, what does it mean by all perspective are one in the same, just curious."

"Well in this example its talking about the perspective of a ruler verses the perspective of his people.The two sides think they have different views on how the kingdom is being ran. They seem to be opposing many things. Both just want what's best for each other."

I don't know what the hell this nagging feeling is, and why its down my damn throat so much but… "hey Gaar can I ask you something, I hypothetical scenario."

"Sure, what is it?"

"As Kazekage, you see the villagers as your family and it's your most important job is to protect them correct?"

"Why yes, of course the well-being and safety of my villagers is very important to me."

"Right, well lets say another scenario is the sand village is at risk of war between another nation that has greatly wrong them and threaten their way of life.Ending this war will benefit the village if everything goes well. And war is well war, and you know it can be very unpredictable. However, the people in the current state of fighting are very weak- yet they still have this need to fight, when the odds are greatly in favor of them losing the battle if things are rushed. As kazekage what would you do?"

It took Gaara a moment to think. Honestly I thought it would take longer than it did for him to think and give me his final answer.

"Well as Kazekage it is my duty to protect my people, and war is bound to cause disaster. However, I would have to side with my people and continue to fight."

"Huh? you'd still allow your people to fight in a battle they are likely to lose, why?"

"Because that is their will."

"But that will is very dangerous, and right now your people aren't at their top fighting conditions to even be thinking of continuing a battle."

"That maybe the case, but if their desire to fight is stronger than their fear of losing the war. Who am I to stop them."

"But you're Kazekage, you're duty is to protect them. Allowing them to go off into war when the nation isn't ready is pointless- something bad is bound to happen. That seems like a very risky move as a leader if you ask me."

"Well I'll ask you this. Flip the situation and see this from the villagers eyes. Their perspective of this war and the possible outcome. whatever it is, is worth the risk to them. And the only thing you can do as a Kage is fight with them."

"Huh…I guess that is one outcome."

"Truthfully I think it's the only outcome. Let's say as kazekage I go against my people and don't allow them to fight for what they think is just. They could loss faith in me as their leader and not trust me or my intentions. If they doubt me they will surely be against me."

"But still, their wellbeing is at stake. Surely they must not realize it like you do? They wouldn't be able to handle it."

"Who am I to say what they do and do not realize. Maybe they realize and understand it more than myself but that still does not change their minds. Also who am i to say what they can and can't handle. My job as leader is not only to protect but to support."

"I see. And if everything all goes to shit?" My sracthed my beard, taking a long sip of sake.

"Well at least my people would know I went down with them, believing in them til the very end."

"Hmm." After a moment of Silence Gaara rose from his seat.

"This is a very interesting conversation Shikamaru and I wish to continue it tomorrow. But I'm afraid I must leave you and head to bed. These Kage meetings are always dreadfully early." That was for sure.

"Right, night."

"See you tomorrow."

"Yea, cya." Hmp...

I took another sip of my sake. Man for someone who's always being called a genius I have a real bad habit of making the stupidest decisions. Especially when i think it's for the best...i guess i must be overthinking the wrong thing, and not on the right thing. Hell I'll need to definitely borrow that book when Gaara is finished with it. I need to get my perspectives right.


	17. Chapter seventeen

Chapter 17

Shikamaru

My brain was up all last night. I couldn't stop thinking about what Gaara had told me. Perspective huh. Man my perspective of everything is to make sure my wife is safe. Hell that's only normal to expect from a husband and a father. I don't want anything bad to happen to my wife and mother of my child.

I did- I am trying to understand why she would put herself though torment by forcing herself to face him again. She has to conquer her greatest challenge I know what. We all have to do that some point in our lives. I thought that for me was facing the reality of the death of Asuma sense, and battling Hidan.

Yet facing that sick bastard feels nothing like what I'm feeling now. What I'm forced to face with now. That intense pressure to right a wrong and avenge Asumas death was satisfied after killing Hidan- yet the pain of losing my teacher never went away. It never will. The urge to avenge Temari is even greater yet I know that will still do nothing to solve her pain and suffering unless-like she said, she does something about it too. But… why does it have to be to an extreme like that?

Listening to Gaara stand for his points he made…most time, but I still don't agree with letting your people or in my case wife. Fight in a battle odds are she's bound to lose because she's not ready. Yes I said it, as mean and aggressive and powerful as my wife maybe-is. That has shit to do with right now. Who cares if the warrior body is there in battle. If his mind is elsewhere then he's good was done.

I think that's the part she doesn't get, or maybe she does get but chooses to ignore. Temari is known to be a tad bit headstrong and just to be sure I'm stretching the ' tad bit'.

My heavy eyes looked over to my right side of the room. Where my nightstand was. 5 o'clock in the morning, and without an ounce of sleep. Dam brain.

"…what a dam drag…" I reached over and lazily picked up the clock. "Jeez where does the time go-"

"Mmm…hmm" huh?

"Tem?" I leaned over to see her hunched over in a ball holding her stomach. "Hey Tem are you okay?"

"A-away..g…o….aw..ay"I wrapped my arms around her to coax her out of her nightmare. Ive learned there's nothing much I could do. Before I would wake her up depending on how bad it got. However, as of last day or so she hadn't had any. Now, they seem to be starting up again.

"God, I'm sorry Tem."

As I laid there with her I couldn't help but think if other men and women where is our same position. There had to be. No one is ever alone in a situation however, it dam sure does feel like it. She shaking was bad tonight, but I've seen it be worse. So I guess in that matter I should be thankful.

Temari

(Friday morning)

I was listening to the world outside my shower door. The water was burning my body but I felt distracted by the Cars in the street, a random dog barking somewhere and my sons voice running down the hall. Everything else around me felt so alive, and yet I felt so dead on the inside. I was physically and emotionally drained. Last night was terrible. My nightmares started to come back…

They weren't as bad as before. When I woke from them I immediately felt my husbands arms around me which made me better…and safer…but not secure. If that makes any sense. I guess shikamaru overthink brain is starting to rub off on me. now I'm starting to think of the 100 possible scenarios that could happened with Kuroi still out there. He's not just doing petty robberies now.

Now he's gotten of taste of it. Now he's gotten a urge… a need for that power. It's known a rouge ninja is around attacking women. What if…by some god forsaken change he finds me again. And what if shikamaru isn't there… When what would happen? I say I have the power to face him but do I really? To fight him to end him? My husband knows me better than anybody and he doesn't have faith in me!

God I felt like trash when she said that.

Knock knock…

I look up from the steam to see Shikamaru coming into the bathroom.

"Hey, I wanted you to know Shikadai already left for school. And Gaara gone to meet up with Naruto before the meeting."

"Right, thanks for telling me." The water falling from the shower sounded awfully sound right now for some reason. Drip drip drip…ugh I need to get out of this shower and get ready for today. I stepped out the shower not knowing shikamaru was still in the room.

"Hey Tem…can I talk to you ?"

"About what?" I knew very well what he wanted to talk about. I however did not what to talk about it, his decision was final. There was nothing I could do so why bring it back up? I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around my body. I've finally gotten over letting shikamaru seeing my body again. Which I didn't think would happen for a while since I was terrified of him just sleeping next to me. So…it's getting better.

"The other night."

"What is there to talk about? We both said what we wanted to say."

" I know, just hear me out. I've been thinking about what I said to you and-"

" it's fine really."

"Huh?"

"I said it's fine. You were right, what I was thinking yesterday was foolish." I went to walk pass him but he stopped me. I cut him off before he could even get his words out. "Shikamaru I'm serious, it's fine. Now I have to get ready can you please move."

He didn't fight me, and didn't try to say anything else because he knew it would fall on deaf ears.

"I'll be waiting for you in the kitchen."

"Okay."


	18. Chapter eighteen

Chapter 18

Shikamaru

We sat in the clinics' cold waiting room. It was rather early in the morning, the staff members themselves were slow to move. We were the only people here and the feeling was awkward. Besides my first introduction to this place wasn't pretty, So I'll be more then thrilled for this procedure to be over with.

I looked over my shoulder to see how Temari was going. She seemed nervous she had to be. She was looking down at her fingers a lot, messing with them in hopes to distract herself. I leaned followed to say something but I quickly changed my mind. I doubt I could add any comforting words to her situation.

Even if I did, she doesn't want to talk to me. Our whole walk here was in total silence. That's a 20 minute walk might I add. Again I am the one for some nice silent time, but not when I know it means I'm at odds with my wife.

Tick tock tick tock…

Dam that clock is annoying. Haven't we been here for our 5 minutes wait by now? You think since we are the only souls here they would be quick about everything- The noise of Temari clearing her throat distracted me. I wonder if she was about to say something to me…

"Temari are y-"

"Temari Nara." Our eyes went to the voice calling her name. It was a nurse coming from the doorway. We froze as she approached. "Mrs.Nara you can go on ahead down the hallway I'll follow right behind you.Mr.Nara we should be out shortly, try to make yourself comfortable until then."

"Right." I looked to Temari as she walked down the hallway. My eyes never strayed from her figure until they were forced to when she turned the corner. "Ugh right…" my body leaned forward with my hands in my hair and my head in my lap. Just let this be over soon.

35 minutes passed…

I know it's only been 35 minutes since Temari left. I am more than positive that my mind is starting to play tricks on me, because I'm more than positive a damn hour has passed by. Not just some lousy 35 minutes. My eyes wander to the clock.

Tick tock tick tock…

How annoying. I wonder what is going on right now. Tem has her cellphone but I'd doubt she'd use it or need it to call me. But I won't lie and say a nice update text wouldn't hurt. The nurse said it shouldn't take long. If anything they are probably waiting on the doctor. You know how slow they move when they are needed.

Buzz buzz

My phone? I flipped it open to see Naruto name come up. Hmm, I wonder what he could want. I'm sure the meeting would be getting started now. And I already told Gaara to tell him I wouldn't be. So it's not like this call should be him expecting me or something. Hmm.

"Hello, Naruto what's up?"

"Hey shikamaru I'm glad I caught you. Do you plan on making it to the meeting or better yet running by my office later today."

" if I was needed, then yes, I was going to stop by. But if not I was going to stay home. Why is something up?"

"Yea we need to talk." It wasn't like Naruto to sound too serious all of the time. The guys no joke, he's the Hokage after all. But his mood is normally calm and playful even. I'm not getting that vibe though the phone right now. Something was bothering him.

"What's happened?" I immediately asked. Leaning forward and listening intensely.

"It's been brought to my attention that a rouge ninja is going around attack women. The case was brought up to me the other day and I keep getting calls about it. I'm thinking it might be the petty thief Temari was following -but I don't have any good leads yet."

"Really…"

"Yea, this guys causing some problems in the local villages."

"Right I'm on it. I'll get you the information you need."

"Sounds good, I'll see you later then." He then hung up the phone. I gritted my teeth. Tem was right. How could I be content with him being out there. What kind of shinobi am I? Suddenly I heard something that sounded like a scream come from the doorway. It was so random and unexpected that I'm pretty sure I didn't hear whatever happened right.

"What the hell-" the two door flew open and the nurse from before came over to me. I stood up and looked at her puzzled, the look on her face told me something was up. "Hey what's happening, is everything okay?"

"Can you come with me Mr.Nara"

"Sure, why?"

"Just follow me Sir." Well I didn't have much to argue with. So I followed the nurse down the hall. Soon my ears were met with the echoing voice of two people arguing. And from the words used, it seems to be pretty intense. It wasn't until we got outside the door these said words were coming from my wife!

"Hey, I need you to tell me what the hell is going on. What's happening?"

"I don't know what happened. Everything was fine and going as planned. But as soon as the doctor came in the room she became extremely difficult out of nowhere. Saying she didn't want the procedure." Huh? That doesn't make any sense. " I'm hoping if maybe talking to you could calm her down-"

"Mrs.Nara you need to calm!" I heard a deep voice. I instantly knew what the problem was.

"Oh no…" I pushed pass the nurse to open the door. To see the doctor and Temari on the opposite sides of the room. The doctor and I made eye contact. He looked rather pissed off at the moment.

" Excuse me! nurse who is this?"

"Shikamaru!" As soon as Temari saw me, she came rushing over. Embracing me tightly.Tears were falling from her eyes. "I…I cant do this anymore! I want to go home…I'm sorry…I just want to go home…" she was shaking and sounded absolutely petrified. What the hell happened while she was here?!

"Okay Okay -"

" I'm sorry…who are you-"

"This is Mr. Nara doctor…I brought him because I thought he might help." The doctor,- who I started to get the feeling was a major asshole in his off time- didn't seem to like the fact that I was in the room.

"Ugh nurse why would you bring him? I told you bringing family only complicates everything."

"I'm sorry doctor I thought it was the right thing to do. She seemed rather upset-"

"Fine whatever. Look Mr. Nara I'm sorry my nurse dragged you into this. Everything is fine. Now Mrs.Nara if you would just come with me, we can get this all over shortly." Tem refused to relinquish her grip on me, and I of her. This guy was starting to piss me off. For one, the feeling I was getting from him wasn't sitting with me well. Then two, this whole time he's arguing and fussing he has the dam tool in his hand! Like what the hell?When Temari didn't response the doctor took it upon himself to relieve the nurse of her duty and send her back to the front desk. " Now, Mr. Nara If you could leave us for a few moments-"

"No! Don't….please Shikamaru I don't want to do this….i. I don't want to do this!" She was on the verge of hyperventilating like last time. That was the last thing I want to happen.

"Right don't worry I'm taking you home." I went over the grab temari clothes that were places in the bin only to be stopped by the doctor himself as he grabbed the bin too. " Hey pals, what's the big idea?"

"I'm sorry I can't allow you to leave. the hospital has already paid for this procedure, it has to be done."

"Well look, she doesn't want it anymore okay."

"The Nara's correct? You are shinobi people, surely she's faced tougher things than this in her field. She's just scared, I told her I would make it as painless as possible. I do this for women all the time-She's just acting ridiculous." Wrong thing to say. I snatched the bin from his hand and turned to walk away. I made sure not the snatch his arm with me. I felt him grab my sleeve and it took all the willpower within me to not hurt the guy. I turned to him. " you might want to let go of me right now..."

"Is that a threat? Sir I am a doctor! And it is the rules that she cannot take a client from my presence until I say so!" I never understood these normal doctors. They always seemed to have a stick up their ass when it came to treating shinobi. What do you think just because our chosen job profession is dangerous we don't have feelings and fears too?

"And I'm not above any rule to not kick your ass. Now I told you she's leaving."

"But…But…she broke one of the seat straps! You'll have to pay for this!"

"Bill me!" I retorted slamming the door behind me.


	19. Chapter nineteen

Juliette, you're welcome I'm starting to do small updates every day or every other day ! Yes this will be interesting on how we take Kuroi down.

Chapter 19

Temari

" _Thanks for coming to get me."_

 _" you're welcome I figured it be best-Doctor Hiraka can have quiet the mood at times. I'm sorry."_

 _"Yea the guys a real ass if you ask me. Oh and the broken chair. Could you Add that in for me?"_

 _"Certainly, but if I'm being honest you don't need to pay it really. That things been broken for years."_

 _"Are you sure?"_

 _"Yes."_

 _"Thanks ma'ma."_

I leaned my back against the door, listening to my nurse and husband. I couldn't stop thinking of what the hell happened. Yes I was nervous about the procedure- I mean who wouldn't be. It's not like I wanted it but I have to have it. I was fine with that, completely. So I don't know way in the hell I changed my mind last minute as soon as I doctor came!

It was like… as soon as he walked in everything changed. I got more scared and wary…and not for me, but him….I don't know! My heart is still racing from when he touched me. I can practically hear it beating outside of my chest….I told shikamaru I was fine and I could change in the bathroom but….I feel like my about to collapse all over again!

I quickly stripped and grabbed my clothing. Maybe this was a bad idea. I just need to get home. I struggled to tie the knot in my kimono. My hands were trembling like crazy and I couldn't get a steady hold on the string.

"Dammit! What the fuck is wrong with me?!" I slammed my fist into the wall and slide towards the ground. " I just want this all to be OVER!" A piece of paper fell on the floor. It was small and if I hadn't look down in that moment I would have missed it. I picked it up. It was Miyagi number…

Phone phone…where was my cellphone. I reached up to the sink and grabbed my remaining things, it had to be in one of these pockets…got it! I flipped my phone opened and dialed her number…pick up pick up pick up….

"Hello?" Oh thank god….

"Hello? Mrs. Miyagi?"

"Yes, this is she, who is asking?"

"Me…Temari Nara…I came to see you the other day." I don't know why, but hearing her voice made me feel like I wasn't alone anymore. I know I could always go to shikamaru. But like I said before he could never understand what I went though. Mrs. Miyagi does, maybe she can help me understand what the hell I am feeling and why.

"Oh Temari! It's nice to see you used my number ha. How are you!" Yea…I needed that chipper voice in my ear right now.

"Um actually, not so good. I…I don't know." I paused for a second " do…do you remember what I told you about…my situation."

"Yes…yes I do. If everything okay?" She went from friend to concerned counselor in an instant. "Temari?"

"I…I went to get the procedure done…b but I couldn't go though with it."

"Is it okay to ask you why?"

"I…I don't know why. I just got scared and started panicking. They…they had to go get my husband."

"I'm sorry to hear this Temari. But don't worry you'll be okay. You still have time."

"What Good is that if I chicken out!" I fought back the frustration boiling in my stomach. " I can't believe that happened….i was so sure- I'm still sure! I can't understand why I panicked!"

"Well no one said this or something that comes with this is easy Temari. What did your doctor say?"

" He told me it's fine to be nervous and that it wouldn't hurt much. I'd just feel uncomfortable,and I knew that. but when he touched me….I…I panicked."

"Did you say He?"

"Yea…he isn't my normal doctor. My normal doctor is a women. She's out of town now, but I wanted to get this over with as soon as possible so they gave me him."

"I see….and you said you started to feel the panicking feeling when he touched you?"

"…w..well not necessarily. I started to feel nervous when he walked into the room." Then there was a pause and I felt eerie all over again. Did I do something wrong? " Hello…Mrs Miyagi….are you still there?"

"Yes I am, I'm still here." Good. " Temari, I think I am know the issue here."

"Really? What is it…Please help me understand why I freaked out! I wasn't even thinking of…him."

"Well remember when I said you have to take things easy and you can't rush your progress."

"Yes…did I rush something….the procedure…should I not have gotten it ?"

"No, and it's something you are unaware of. But I think you're rushing interactive contact with men."

"Huh…I don't understand."

"Let me explain, before you were attacked you didn't have any fears or hesitation correct?"

"Yes"

"And I assume, Correct me if I'm wrong but you have physical contact with your husband correct?"

"Yes…"

"Tell me, how did that feel the first time. After everything how did you feel having him touch you."

"…honestly it freaked me out."

"Did you feel you could trust him?"

"…actually no…we were kissing and I …I thought he was going to hurt me. Which is ridiculous "

"It's not ridiculous dear. You're just facing that same trusting issue again."

"Trusting?"

" you know your husband and can trust him. You don't know this man and therefore you can't trust him. This was never a problem for you before. now with everything changed the way it has your subconscious took over and made you think of what 'could' potentially happen. Whether you realized it or not. It's something that is perfectly normal and happens from time to time if in certain situations."

" I was alone back there…and I didn't feel too good about it. Before being alone never phased me but now-"

" you can't think that way. This is only temporary. You won't feel this way forever, trust me I know."

"…but it feels like I've been here…stuck for forever."

" I know it does, but this will pass. I promise you-"

Knock knock

" Tem is everything okay, you've been in there for a while?"

" I have to go, I'll call you if I need anything else….thank you." I closed my phone, stood to my feet and put the rest of my clothes on. " yea, I'll be right there!" I closed my eyes,and got myself together. Or as much as together as I could in the moment. " temari you're alright…everything going to be fine….you got this."

I took a breathe before closing the door behind me.


	20. Chapter twenty

Chapter 20

Shikamaru

We walked back in silence. My arms still wrapped around her from when we left the clinic. It was still early in the day. Stores were starting to open and more people began to walk the streets. The commotion happening around us was a peaceful noise. It filled the silence. As my eyes traveled the area they eventually came back to Temari who was walking with her head down. She was focused on her fingers, which were tapping each other. I wonder what she is thinking about?

She better not be beating herself up over this, something was telling me they could have been too soon. But I didn't want to listen to myself…the reasonable side with some common sense. Yea…this was too soon. As we continue you walk we passed a local tea shop, one of Tems favorites. She was so into her own head she didn't even notice it. To be fair I didn't notice the first time we passed either.

"Hey let's stop here and grab a bite to eat."

"Huh?... oh sure."

We walked in at the right time, the place was just starting to open. The smell of sweet bread and tea huts you right as you walk in. It's hard to not have a change of mood when you enter this place. Not to mention the owner is this older women who acts like everyone grandma when you enter.

"Why hello, my first costumers for the day. Go get seated I'll be with you shortly!"

"Right." We sat across from eat other and looked at the menus. Well I did, for some reason temari was looking at me like she had something on her mind. " what? Something the matter?"

"No nothing."

"You know you're a terrible lair too right ?" She rolled eyes.

"Why we stop here?"

"Something different, and you like this place. Besides I'm starving and it was close." She nodded and went to reading her menu. Soon the the owner came and took our order. Still we didn't speak much durning this time…it wasn't the time for it. See with me and Temari it's like we barely need to use words to converse with each other. I figured it's because we'd been together for a long time, but then I remembered it was still like that when we were younger. We didn't say much, shared a few glances maybe said a couple of words and that was it. Strange to most, but when you can read what's being said between the lines then I guess it doesn't matter in the end. Right now, it was just us sitting in each other's company sharing a nice warm meal.

By the time we were finished eating we had been here for an hour and a half. We didn't order much. A few things a muffin, my coffee and her tea. We were actually done 20 mins into being here, but the longer we stayed out the more people came with their families, or with co-worker. Watching other people distracts you from your own woes, which was why I enjoyed cloud watching so much when I was younger. Now that cloud watched has just turned to watching people and the surroundings.

"Thanks for coming to get me…" I turned my head from looking outside the window when I heard tems voice. Now we are going to talk about what happened.

" No problem. I figured if I hadn't come soon the chair wouldn't have been the only thing that was broken."

" sorry about that."

" I'm fine, it's the chair that probably needs the apology."

"I'm not talking about the chair genius."

"Right. Hmm it doesn't matter for now. I just want to make sure you're okay. The nurse said You seemed to have freaked out out of nowhere. It had me concerned because I couldn't think if what could trigger you until I came into the room." I paused for a minute " was it him?"

"Yea, granite I was nervous about it at first but it instantly got worse when he came into the room." Yea that's What I figured, especially since the guy himself was a total ass. "I didn't realize it but besides you, I haven't had contact with another man since…everything happened… I was freaking out of what could happen. Especially with you not being there."

"I see." It all made sense and I knew my theory was right.

"I feel bad about it."

"Don't be, I don't want you beating yourself up over this."

"I know…" she paused for a moment. "You'd be proud of me I called Mrs Miyagi."

"When?"

"Hmm when I was in the bathroom." She stirred the spoon in had tea. " I could feel myself freaking out so I called her."

"I am proud of you it's brave Tem." I genuinely was proud. For Temari to go and seek help when she knows she need it. It's a big step for her. "And I'm glad you're talking to me about it." I scooped up her smaller hands in mine. " but also Tem I don't want you to feel you have for rush this. We still have time." I could tell she didn't quite agree with what I was saying."

"I know that I do. I just don't want …ugh I honesty feel me waiting any longer is disrespectful to you. And even if you don't feel that I way I do as your wife. I don't like this, not for a second."

"I know Tem, but you still have to be reasonable. And you can kick that notion of me being disrespectful out the window." Hmmm " but that's not the only thing frustrating you is it?"

"It's like something new is always popping up. Some new problem or distraction and I have to wait or take things slow- it's agonizing. I'm tired of being surprised by some new obstacles that I never had to face before. I mean being afraid of who's in the room with me? Automatically thinking of the worse…doubting If i can defend myself. I never had to think like that- and now it's all I do. I let my stupid fears overwhelm me at the drop of a hat!"

" like you said I can never understand what you're feeling and what you've been though but Miyagi has. I'm sure she'd say baby steps are the first steps to anything."

"I can't even conquer a baby step… if I can't conquer something small as getting rid of my attackers baby how can I conquer facing h… forget it nevermind." The conversation played in my head of what Gaara told me. He would side with his people even in the end… even if he already knew the outcome.

" I know you want to stop this guy-"

" stop him? I want to destroy him. I want to make him suffer…I want that bastard to pay for everything. And no just for me but the other women too. The ones before and after me." I felt her hands clamp into a fist, burning with a hot sensation. I know me stopping him isn't enough it wouldn't satisfy anything. She needs her power back too. But overcoming mental obstacles isn't just a 1..2…3 process.

" you just need time."

" it wouldn't matter if I'm not ready to handle it like you said." Aw shit, why do my words always have a way of biting me in the ass?

" Tem"

" I'm not mad….anymore I promise. You were right anyway I'm not ready. I was tricking myself into thinking I was so I don't feel like I'm just sitting here doing nothing while he's out still hurting other women. For a Shinobi I'm useless."

" Temari. "

"I am being reasonable Shikamaru really I am … what I want will never happen… I know that." Tears from frustration started to fill her eyes. " he plays stupid little mind games, you think you're catching up and getting information from him but you're not. He's giving you those clues those glimpses of him." Her hands began to tremble. Not from fear but from rage. " I can't beat him…I want to so bad, b-but I know I can't."Damn, bringing her here was suppose to distract her. Not make her feel worse. " can we go home please…"

"Yea." I let her hands go so she could wipe away a tear.


	21. Chapter twenty one

Chapter 21

Shikamaru

I looked over the paperwork Naruto had handed me, budgeting, chunin exams, mission reports. Wow they went over a lot in the meeting today. As I placed all the papers down back on his desk Naruto came walking in.

"I'm going to hope you're not drinking ramen from a cup." He looked down to the ridiculous red colored mug in his hands with ramen signs all over it and laughed.

"Ha no, I wish. This is just some coffee."

"You know drinking all that coffee will keep you up all night."

"Good that's my plan." I watched him take another long sip.

"Long night ahead of you?"

"Yup, looks like it." I waited for him to sit back down at his desk before I started asking questions.

"So your phone call earlier?"

"Right." He went on his computer, opened some files and then turned the screen in my direction. "This guys been causing a lot of problems in local villages."

"I see." I looked at his image, now I could finally put a face to the name Kuroi Tsubota. Looking at his profile theres nothing much on the guy. Like I had seen before. I sucked my teeth at the disappointment. Really there had to be more information on the guy. "So he's stopped doing petty thief."

"Yes, it's been said that a rouge ninja presumably him has been out attacking local women. I got the call about it the other day and yesterday." Hmmm the monster. "The guys seem to be on a rampage and he needs to be stopped I was thin…" all the noise around me dialed down. All I could focus on was him. I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. It was like they were stuck on his image, permanently sketching the detail picture of himself into my brain. That was the monster who raped my wife- " hey, shikamaru?"

"Huh? Sorry I zoned out for a second. What did you say?"

"You okay man? You seem bothered."

"It's nothing, this just hits close to home that's all." Clearing my throat.

"He's the guy I put Temari on a mission to track."

"Yea…she was gone for 5 days." I cleared my throat again. It was no use hiding my hatred for the guy. I don't have that much will power, and even if I did. I want to hate him. " look I might as well tell you the truth right."

"What do you mean?"

" Temari didn't fail that mission because she lost track of him. She failed the mission because he attacked her, and he got away-"

"Wait are you serious?"

"Yea…"

"I'm sorry Shikamaru I had no idea. Is she okay?" I shook my head, rather than give a definite answer. I want to say yes, but sometimes. I don t know. I want to say she's making progress, but I don't know. Today was a major set back for us.

"Never mind that, what information were you able to collect. I want to take his bastard down." Naruto let out a sigh and leaned back into his chair.

"That's the thing, the women who called me. they weren't very descriptive. In fact when it came to details they were very vague, almost like they couldn't remember."

"That's weird? From all of the women."

"Yes, I've only heard from three women. Yet, All they can say is they know something happened, they just don't remember." That's odd, how could they not happened being assaulted? I assume if they called they must know something has happened. I know for sure Temari remember, to her dismay she probably remembers every detail.

"Something doesn't sound right about that."

"I know, I've been thinking the same too. All the women he's been attacking, he's been letting them get away. At least that's what I think. I was hoping if Temari could come in and help us-"

"No, she can't do that."

"How come, I know the mission didn't go well, but I'm positive she gathered some type of information from the mission we can use. To be honest we need any type of information on t his guy shikamaru."

"She can't do it, because I wont let her. Naruto, when Temari was attacked on that mission…she was raped by that monster." Naruto looked shocked for a second, not knowing what to say. " it's been a living hell for her these passed weeks. That's was reason she'd been acting so weird towards me, she was hiding it. She was hiding it for my sake…" my words were beginning to get caught in my throat, dammit not again, and not here. Huh, I can already hear Tems. Voice say ' get it together Nara.' Right get it together and keep it together. "… I know for sure Temari is the only one who could help us catch this guy. But I'm not going to put her though that, even if she was willing to help, which I know she is. He messed her up bad…and I have to protect her. Besides she already told me the guy likes to play mind game with you. We don't even know his moves very well to predict the next one."

"Hmm, I don't know what to say. I couldn't imagine what she or your family has done though, is going though."

"A lot, and we're still not out of the woods yet. She was schedule to get an abortion earlier today, but she had a panic attack and we had to leave." Naruto made eye contact with me to make sure what he thought he heard was right. " Yea….shes pregnant too." I found my legs becoming very heavy and I knew the best thing to do was to sit down. This morning had me drained and disappointed. It was like what Temari said with the feeling of being stuck. " ….but back to the subject. from what you have told me, he's not attacking these women like he attacked Temari. In fact I think he's just toying with them. to scare them or something."

"Toy?"

"That's what my gut tells me, but I'm not sure. I really can't get in the mindset of a monster like that."

" Right."

"So the question is now what do we do."

"I think, without Temari help, nothing. She's the only one who can give us any clue to help stop this guy. I understand you wanting to protect your wife, believe me. But as Hokage I have to think of the villagers as well. With this guy at large anyone can become his next victim. Which is why I have to ask you with a heavy heart to reconsider and let Temari help us find him."

"I don't know if I can do that…"

"Shikamaru we are shinobi this is our job. We have to protect The people ." Ugh there he goes being all noble and self righteous. He and Temari are too alike when it comes to being selfless. They stretch themselves too thin over the well-being of others and not themselves. Temari going though what she went though alone, to keep my peace of mind. No- not anymore I'll never forgive myself for that. I'm being selfish for her now. Someone has to be.

"Well I'm sorry but I have to protect my wife. Her well-being over sees others in my eyes." And I meant it, call me cruel or heartless. I don't give a damn. I don't love all the people in the leaf village like Naruto does- hell I barely like them. And I certainly don't see the well belling of others before my own wife.

"Well not in mine. I don't want you to put me in a difficult situation. You're my friend shikamaru."

"I'm not putting you in any situation Naruto you can do as you like, without using her."

"We need her-"

"I need her too, Shikadai needs her too. Her helping you might reopen that trauma for her. It'll send her back into a dark place where I'm not sure I can get her out. I'll be damn if I lose her again. I'm sorry, but it's not happening!" I turned and left, this conversation was earlier. The well-being of the other villagers is Narutos concern not mine.


	22. Chapter twenty two

Chapter 22

Temari

"Man that sounds like a long day uncle Gaara…" I listened as I washed the dishes from dinner. " that's what's your day is like all the time as Kage?"

"sometimes Shikadai ."

"Sounds real troublesome to me haha."

"Haha it can be. Hey why don't you go watch some tv, I'm going to go help your mom with the dishes."

"Okay, see ya later!" I watched with confusion as Shikadai when bounding to his room, while Gaara came towards me.

"Can I help you with anything?"

"No it's fine. And besides your my guest Gaara, I'm not going to have you wash dishes. Besides I like cleaning it's relaxing."

"Hmm, I can understand that." I looked up from my dishes from time to time to see Gaara looking at me, which means one thing. He's thinking about something and trying to figure out whether he wants to tell me or not.

"Can I help you'll with something?"

"Huh? Sorry was I staring."

"Mmm just a little." I feasted. "What's up?"

"Nothing really I just wanted to make sure you were okay." I raised a brow at him.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I just noticed you didn't say much at dinner or really sit with us. And I know how much you feel about family dinners. Was something on your mind, you just seemed a little distracted to me." Oh, so I guess he did notice. For someone who thought they weren't easy to read I'm starting to think the opposite now. Yes I've been feeling …off all day since this morning. Pissed at myself more than anything when I know I'm not suppose to be. Or that I shouldn't be, but I can't help it. I know better and I know I can do so much better than what I am doing right now.

"I've just had some stuff on my mind that's all. Sorry I was so distracted."

"It's not your fault." Hmm, you say that Gaara but little do you know how it is my fault…

"Anyways how was the Kage meeting?"

"Good, tedious in some parts and redundant in others. But over all it was a good meeting."

"I'm proud of you Gaara, I don't know if I've told you that lately. I'm really proud of you."

Sometimes I look back on where we have come from, especially with Gaara. It amazes me how so much changed in all of our lives for the better. We actually grew up to make friends, have relationships, families. Everything that was unattainable for us at the time. To be frank neither my brothers nor I thought to much into the future because we didn't think we'd have one. Gaara was raising hell as the Sands jinchuuriki. Everyone was petrified of me including me, and I'm his older sister. One would think an older sister would love her younger brother- not to be terrified of him. Besides that, I figured I would die from a young age either by protecting Kankurou from him, because as I said, we weren't that close at all… I could barely stand Kankurou but he was the only one I could talk to and understood what I was going through. But I'd probably died on a mission was something I accepted at a age young. I honestly couldn't think of a better way to go. And then we made allies with the Leaf Village and that's when everything changed. For him and myself and I'm grateful for it.

"Thank you I'm just doing my job."

"I know I know but you do it well. I can see how it makes you happy."

"Well they say if you do something you love you never work a day in your life." Ha that is true… to some extent but whatever.

"Mom would be proud." I was alittle taken back by my statement because I never talked about my mother. Or thought of her that much… it's not that I didn't want to think about her, I just couldn't. When she died after having Gaara, that's when life started to become hell for me so I blocked out every thing pretty much from the time I was 5 I blocked out everything including my own mothers face. Sometimes I struggle to even form a picture of her in my head… "what is it?"

"Nothing it's just funny that you say this, that our mother would be proud."

"What's so funny about it? She would be, Gaara you grew into an incredible man any mother would be proud."

"I know it's just when you say mother, honestly I can't really remember what she looked like, and if I try to think of her or try to remember what she looks like I think of you Temari." Wait, did I just hear that right? When Gaara thinks of our mother he thinks of me… why would he? I mean… I couldn't think of a reason… right?

"Really… why? I know you don't remember her that well but the nurses would always try to tell you about her or our father would.

"Yes… I remember some of that. Being told she was beautiful, smart, empowering but when I think of these things I only think of the one women who's really been in my life for me to look at and that you Temari." I was speechless. " I think in truth, I've always looked up to you in some ways, even if I didn't show it. Back then where everyone was scared of me I could tell there was something in you that believed in me and loved me. I knew you would protect me even if she knew you really couldn't, especially when Shukaku took over me..:"

"I… I was just doing what I had to do Gaara, you're my little brother after all. And besides no one needs to go though the pain you went through alone. I didn't want you to become that monster. But that's no reason to look up to me of all people." The fact that he said this made me feel weird. Not that I didn't appreciate it, it's just I didn't t think I deserved it. There was noting special about me.

"That's all the reason to look up to you. I remember once, before the start of the war. After my speech I gave to the allied Shinobi forces you came to me and told me how brave I was. It only that but empowering as well. You said I got it from mother but really I got it from you. I've never met anyone as fearless, understanding and caring as you. You may not think it, but I know for a fact I got my strength from you especially running for Kage. Hmm, as long as my big sister believed in me I knew everything would be okay." Ugh why was he being so…. Ugh I don't know… and why was I being so so emotional?!

"…dammit Gaara…" I wiped away a small tear that wanted to fall from my face. " you and your words." He placed his hand on my Shoulder and I looked into my little, well not so much little bothers says. I could see there was something else in there that he was about to tell me. That his heart warming speech wasn't enough.

"Temari I didn't mean to make you cry. I only said this to say you're stronger than you think. I have this feeling inside of me that you are going through something- I may be wrong, but I feel it's weighting you down. And I know want to see that happens, so whatever it if, I know you can get through it. I mean you are the worlds meanest kunoichi after all. She can't stay down haha."

"Thank you Gaara." I embraced him tight, taking in the moment I knew would felt away soon. Time waits for no one and soon he would be leaving me again for Suna, I don't know when we'd have a moment like this again. "I appreciated what you said I really do… you have no idea how much it means for you to say that to me. I've been lost for a little bit…"

"I'm glad I could help you find your way like you did for me." Hmm, little brothers I guess they aren't a pain in the butt as much as I thought they were. "I love you Temari."

"Hehe I love you too Gaara."


	23. Chapter twenty three

MikiLovesShikaTema, yes I loved watched the Sand siblings as they on older on the show.

MarvelGirl17Oracle17, thank you for the review I'm glad you're enjoying the FanFiction! And yes my pacing for this fanfic was rather fast with Temari finding out she was pregnant. I planned on this being told in 10 chapters lol but that wasn't possible. So I had to rush some things.

Juliette, oh yea Temari is a kick ass big sister!

Chapter 23

Shikamaru

I dipped my hand in my pocket and took out my cigarette lighter. I had been standing here for ten minutes looking at the small stone structure. I was here last week, or maybe it was the week before last. I don't know, I try not to come here too often. The lines between the living and the dead get blurred after a while if you stay here too long. You can get drowned in your emotions if you're not careful.

Taking a drag from my cigarette did and didn't help much. To be honest I don't like smoking in fact I hate it, but I have to do it. So I do. It's hard to explain really. " you know you never told me it was doing to be this hard as a husband… well I guess I never asked did I? "

The leafs village Shinobi cemetery, was oddly my favorite place to be when I needed to understand myself and find answers. They say the dead have all the answers you just have to be quite enough to listen. So right now that was what I was going, getting some much needed answers from a man who seemed to have all the answers in the world.

"Hey old man, I have a problem for you…" as I began to talk to my father tombstone my mind instantly went back to the talks we had as father and son. I can't tell you how many times I came up to him with the ' I have a problem for you…' countless times, haha and countless more times he'd give me the answers. Unlike my mom who always had me figure out the problem myself, which I can tell you took me longer because hey, I'm lazy. Dad approach was, he's been though it, he knows the right answer that sat well in his heart, and he'd tell me his opinion and I'd decide from there.

Right now, I needed my dad to somehow give me the answer I was in search for. Everything just so complicated- I know I'm most likely making it complicated. There are always so many possibilities of different outcomes that stay playing around in my head. It makes it almost impossible to think straight sometimes. Hell most times. Dad always said he cursed the brain we had sometimes, now I know why.

"Look, It's not that I don't know what to do. I know the right answer, what would be the right choice. However, I don't feel certain about it in my heart. You know all go well if something can go wrong it will go wrong. And… I'm sorry it went wrong for you dad. I really am. But… I'm trying to avoid what could go wrong. I'm scared of it in truth. And if something did go wrong I don't know if I have the strength to handle it myself"

I dropped my burning cigarette on the ground, stepping on it until I couldn't hear the sizzling from the ashes touching the ground anymore .

"Sorry your sons a coward dad, but I guess that just it. You know how I am with confrontation."

I listened to the tree leaves whistling behind me as the wind picked up. It was dark and cold and I know Temari had to be thinking by now where the hell I am.

" I just… I just don't want to fail again." As I heard myself speak. A part of me felt like that was s real reason. " yea I can't fail her again, and not just her but my son as well. But if you think about it I am failing her right? She wants to fight this bastard. A part of me wants her too but the other part doesn't for logical reasons. Hmp, you know what she told me? She told me it was her job as a Shinobi, which makes sense. Now I see why you married mom, Shinobi are too self righteous with doing the right thing, and it is a real pain in the ass. I just want her to think about herself, but who am I kidding that's not the type of women she is."

I sucked my teethh hard.

"Do you think I'm doing the right thing? I think I'd like to know the answer to that." But who am I kidding, this isn't a movie where a gust of wind will point me in the right direction giving me the answers I need. " doing the right thing can be a real pain in the ass. However, being a man it's my job to do the right thing isn't it. Not just to her but to my village as well... and I think that's the hardest part for me. Being the bigger man, it's overrated isn't it dad?"

I picked up the old Bouquet of flowers that were resting on the ground and replaced them with a new one. I breathed out a heavily sigh "... huh, I'll have to be strong for her. I will be strong for her, after all I can't let a women beat me, right dad hah?" I paused a little before I let my feet continue to walk me walk away. " but truth is, she already beats me in every aspect. I constantly find myself working to catch up with her. She's boundless. She pushes me... sometimes too far, but I need it. She makes me strong, so I can make her strong. After all behind every strong man is a stronger women, I think we both can agree to that..."

I zipped up my vest to block out the chilly air.

" Well it's getting late and I have to get home to the wife and kid soon, you know how that was dad. Haha." The stillness was around me was oddly comforting, it made me feel like it was just me and him again. The stillness represents my uncertainty and his thoughtful listening. "I… I know what I must do. It'll be a major drag but I know it has to be done. If not I know you and Asuma will haunt me from your graves. Anyways goodbye dad. I have to get home to Tem we have a big day tomorrow. I'll see you around old man."

I began my walk back home. Talking to my dad always knocked the chip that was on shoulders off . With that being said, I flipped open my phone and sent Naruto a message. I know he's still at the office and I know he'd be getting my message soon.

Bing

' we'll be there tomorrow morning'

Bing

'Thanks man.'

Bing

'Of course.'

Bing

'What made you change your mind?'

Bing

'Nothing, I was always going to do it, I just needed a little certainty I guess.'

Bing

'I'm glad you got the certainty you need, you two can come by anytime tomorrow.'

Bing

'Will do, see you soon.'


	24. Chapter twenty four

Chapter 24

Shikamaru

I closed the door softly behind me. Hopefully I wasn't waking anyone up, at this hour I know everyone in the household must be asleep. I took off my shoes and vest that looked worn down from the walk. Walking down the hall I unconsciously peeked in on Shikadai. Knocked out in his bed as predicted. While passing his room I could hear what sounded like soft snoring from the door across the hallway. Clearly Gaara, looked like that meeting had him beat.

I opened the door to my bedroom, taking off any unnecessary clothing as quick as possible so I could just be in the bed. Huh, I just needed some nice sleep before I talked to Temari tomorrow, however when I slipped into bed something was off. I turned around to Temari side to see she wasn't there. Huh? I leaned over and turned on the lamp light.

Click

Empty, and from the looks of it, it doesn't even look like she's been in the bed at all. It's like one in the morning? Where is she. Instantly I got out of bed, threw on my robe and went looking for my wife. At first I looked in the direction of the kitchen from where I just came. But the thought of Temari being out the house now just didn't make sense. The only place I haven't been is my study so that seemed to be the only place for her to be.

As I walked down the hallway I saw a soft light coming from the bottom of the door. Hmp, she's there, but why she was there was my real question. I pressed firmly onto the door and opened it slowly. I stepped inside the room to see Temari passed out on my desk.

"Hey Tem…Temari" I shook her shoulder softly.

"Mmm ?" She slowly opened her tired eyes, which were slightly red and puffy. I'm guessing from staring at the compute screen. " Shikamaru?... I'm sorry I didn't mean to fall asleep…"

"Were you wanting up for me?"

"…yea"

"Tem, you didn't have to do that."

"I know but…I wanted too, plus I wanted to talk to you." She rose to her elbows, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"At this time? It could have waited if you were tired Tem."

"Yes at this time and no it couldn't wait."

"Sure." For some reason my eyes looked up for an odd second to look at my laptop screen. The files from her mission were open and other pop up websites of local news reports. "What's this?"

"It's-"

"Wait before you say anything, I have to tell you something… well ask you something. I already know the answer to what I'm about to ask you but still. Today I met with Naruto to discuss the issues with the rouge ninja situation. The guys been making more trouble for shits and giggles it seems like Like you said, with his mind games. Anyways, the women who have been calling in to report assaults all say they can't remember anything-"

" they can't remember anything?"

"That seems to be the case with all three women." She paused a moment before speaking. I watched as her arms crossed defensively infornt of her stomach.

"….I know exactly why they don't remember anything. The women he attack were all local village women right?"

"Correct." I could see Temari thinking. She bit her bottom lip and started twiddling her fingers. Something was bothering her, but for what reason I don't know. "Tem you know something?" Her teal eyes looked to me.

"…yea, they can't remember because he used a genjustu on them." Wait did she just say…

"Wait a genjustu? But I thought he was a simple petty thief?"

"No he's not he's more skilled then I thought, the only reason why I remembered what happened because I could tell I was being put in a genjustu. I couldn't figure out how it happened, but… he manipulates time and the surroundings. It's easy to walk into his trap."

"Tem, you're going to have to talk to Naruto about what happened on your mission, you're our only chance of catching this monster."

"Yea I know."

"Will you do it?"

"Yea…"her demeanor caused me to pause. I thought she wanted to do this? To help us stir him down.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Why don't I believe that. I thought you would want to do this?" She sat in the chair, still looking down at her fiddling fingers.

"I do, it's just…do you think I can do it?" She eyes looked at me softly.

"Huh?"I knew what my wife was saying, I couldn't believe she was asking me. Temari never needed me to tell her anything.

"… I guess that's a no…"

"No no, it's not that. It's just. I'm surprised you asked me that's all."

"Why would you be surprised, I can't ask you?"

"No you can you just-"

"Don't, right."

"Right." I thought for a moment before speaking. " do you think you can do it?" She shrugged her shoulders.

"I don't know. I think I can." I took her hand in mine.

"What makes you think you can't?"

"I'll freak out, I know it. I'll try to help and end up causing more issues…"

"I promise you that won't happen."

"You can't promise that, because I can't even promise myself that."

"Well so what if you freak out, who cares."

" I do Shikamaru! I care so much but I'm afraid I just… can't. Today was an utter disaster and if you hadn't been there who know how much worse it could have gotten!" Her face was flushed she was about to cry again, break down again. I couldn't let her think that was weakness that she was worthless.

"Fine you'll freak out. You know this, I know this. You talking about it will push you to your limit again. You might be ready or odds are your aren't. One can't expect a person to be prepared for this. But I know for a fact you can and will do this. Tem, I know want this, you want to stop him. To fight your battle against him. I'm here to tell you you can. I believe in you, full heartily. I always have. I know before I told you otherwise and that was because of fear on my part of not being ready for you. Sometimes you're so strong I feel you carry the weight all yourself.and I honestly just add on. I don't want that to happen and I don't want you to regret not trying. You were absolutely right when you said it was your job as a Shinobi to protect the innocent women in the village. You can still do it." I was gripping her hands tight as I looked into her watery eyes. "Temari you got this, I know all you have to do is say what you know and that will be enough, I promise"

"…o-okay, I'll do it"

"You've got this"

"I've got this… thank you Shikamaru." I felt her lips on mine as her arms wrapped tightly around my neck. "Thank you so much…" water ran down my neck as we continued to hold each other. Yea, dad was right this was the right thing to do. I know it for sure now.


	25. Chapter twenty five

Chapter 25

Temari

Standing outside Narutos' door, my feet felt cold. Today was the day and It was now or never. My body filled with an uneasy buzz of anticipation. Some nervousness, fear and an odd excitement. Everything was a clump of mixed emotions. I let out a sigh I had been holding in my lungs from this morning. Okay, you can do this. Don't think negatively… think positively… think of all the other women you are about to save.

"Right." I knew my motive, my drive to push myself to do this. The thought of taking that monster down fueled me, simple enough. All I had to do was tell my story or what happened. I know I have vitals information that they need. The one issue is… no- no there's no issue. I just have to tell him what happened. It's not like I'm talking to some stranger, this is Naruto. I've known that brat for forever now. No judgment, no stigma, no pressure.

Suddenly I heard a small crack in front of me. I watched as the door opened before me. Shikamaru had stepped in before me, my guess was to make sure we had everything needed before hand so we wouldn't have to do this again.

"Hey, you ready?"

"Yes, just… nervous I guess."

"Don't be." I began to walk inside but I felt my sleeve being rigged behind me so I stopped. When I looked at Shikamaru his gaze was down. " before you go in just know I'll be in the room with you. I don't know about how that will make you feel saying as how we never discussed this ourselves. I have to be there to take notes and analyze your story for Naruto. We could have gotten another person but I wanted to be there for you. Hopefully that won't be a problem and if it is you can tell me."

"No it's fine." I confidently said this but I don't know if I actually meant it. Shikamaru was right I've never talked to him about what actually happened. I've never told anyone. Not because I didn't want to but because I didn't feel I needed to. Everyone knows what rape is, what it means. My only job was to heal from what happened to me. I didn't think I'd have to tell anyone in detail about it.

"Are you sure?" I watched as his eyes questioned me. Like they would find the real answer within me if they kept staring at me long enough. To be honest they might have found something, some doubts some hesitation, but his eyes also would have found a will to want to get though and survive this.

"Yes."

"Also there's one more annoying thing."

"What is it?" I watched him pinch the skin between his eyebrows.

"We're trying to keep the story hushed about this guy. However some of the village officials want to hear the story as well. Just in case they were to spot him wandering around. I told them to wait and I'd give them the Information they needed by the end of today-"

"But they were impatient."

"I guess."

"No I understand, they are their village officials and the need to know things that could cause potential danger to their villagers."

"Yea…"

"How many are there?"

"Five officials, three from the village were the women were attacked, and they had called in to Naruto. The other two officials are from close neighboring villages who heard the news." Five, such a small number. I've taken down that many people alone when on missions myself, but now. The though of five more faces, ten more eyes on me watching, ten more ears listening…. " their arrivals was all last minute. If I would have known more people would be involved with this I wouldn't have asked you to do this. I could convince Naruto to have them leave if they would help. I don't want you to feel uncomfortable in anyway."

"…I think it should be fine. All I have to do it imagine them in their underwear right." I wasn't the best for jokes, but I needed something to lighten the tension.

"Ha exactly, are you ready?"

"Yes." I followed after my husband as we walked into the room. I hadn't realized how huge the Hokage office was. Standing there, it felt like I was in a huge circular dome. I purposely avoided looking at the extra five people in the room. It would have just been too much commotion for me. Besides Shikamaru and Naruto's eyes watchful eyes were more then enough to keep me on edge. Just breathe you've got this.

I stood in front of Naruto desk, I saw a small smile wavier on his face. I bet we could both think of 1,000 different situations we'd rather meet up and chat then this one.

"Temari."

"Lord Seventh." I bowed my head showing my respects. " Temari Nara, I'm here to report information of the rouge ninja Kuroi Tsubota." And so it began.

I spoke about how I was first assigned a mission for a local petty thief. You know the basis. Also from the corner of my eye I could see the other village officials taking notes. I don't know if they had ninja in their village, perhaps this is the first time they are doing something like this and they need to take notes. I was trying to make sure their small talk and scribbling didn't distract me too much. " That was all the information we had on him at the time and so approached the mission with a simple protocol –"

"And what is simple protocol Mrs. Nara?" The three ninja in the room, Naruto, Shikamaru and myself looked to the man standing off to my left. He wore huge glasses and had a notepad the pad the size of his face. This man was far off from a ninja as you could get if you asked me. " Hi Hiraku Asahina, I'm my village official reported. I'm sorry to interrupt but I'm not familiar with ninja vocabulary or anything of that nature."

"Right, a basic protocol for a target you are unfamiliar with is to track them for a few days. Study their movements and try to understand their mannerisms."

"Right right… study mannerisms… check" I watched as his pen wrote word for word of what I said.

"From now on, if everyone would please keep their questions to themselves for the time being . It's distracting." And not to mention troublesome… thank you Shikamaru. I shot him a small smile before he his attention went back to filling out the mission report.

"So like I said, I followed basic protocol for three days gathering what information I could. He wasn't one to cause much attention to himself, and it was hard to figure out his motive for a time. What I thought I local petty thief would be interested in, he wasn't. No money or jewelry shops. At first I thought he was trying to avoid them on propose but that wasn't the case."

"Could you think of any reason why?" Naruto asked, which was allowed. Besides I knew Naruto was more interested in the real information I had. Th speech I was giving about protocol was really for the other officials in the room. You know to give them something to write about.

" I think initially We didn't have the right information on what this petty thief was actually after. Clearly news of assaults involving him has come to you. I noticed it myself on the fourth day he had been following and later had started harassing this women. Unfortunately he got away from me as I was helping her. She was fine, so went after him. Before he left I was able to make eye contact with him."

Suddenly some parts started to come together and make sense. Before now, I couldn't remember how in the world I got trapped in his gentujsu. I made sure I kept my distants to avoid being seen but when I went to aid that women that's when it happened. I looked right into his eyes unknowingly…

"Temari?" I snapped back to reality hearing Narutos voice. I didn't realize I had zoned out.

"Oh I'm sorry, I was just remembering somethings."

"No rush take your time."

"I followed him, to what I thought was a secluded area to where I could catch him..." A small flash from that moment raced in the back of my mind. It caught me off guard. Like I was back there for a fleeting moment. Oh no, this is not want I need to happen…. Just keep yourself together Temari. "…I followed him, we exchanged blows and for the moment I had the upper hand."

 ** _"I knew one of you would come quick, you always do. Expect they sent a much prettier ninja this time."_** A shutter ran down my spine as I heard his words in the back of my head. Small pictures from my memory did a play by play. Reminding me of what I already knew and wanted to forget. " ** _It's always irritating dealing with you killers, and nothing more dangerous than a women. Society says be fearful of men but really, society should be a afraid of you cold, calculating murders. Someone was chosen to teach you all a lesson… that person was me."_** My throat went dry. His hand went around my neck. It was impossible for me to breathe.

" you had the upper hand and then what?-" it had to have been the annoying man with the glasses but I didn't turn to see. I was paralyzed

"Hey, I said no talking."

 ** _"Hmm seems like I've got the upper hand now. You're probably wondering how, to bad I can't tell you my little secret."_**

"…I had the upper hand… but…he." _He spoke inches away from my face. I struggled to free myself from the rope bound in chakra, I struggled to understand how I had fallen for his trick. I struggled to understand How a distant forest from the village suddenly turned into some dark hidden shelter. I struggled to keep my composure as the pain from his fist shattering my ribs overwhelmed my body._

Dammit it's happening…he's right before me again. _He's ...he's standing over on top of me. Right now...Looking down with dark cold eyes. Right now... touching me With even colder hands, as they tore away the clothing on my body. RIP, CUT, TEAR. He's hurting me, right now! I felt the numbing pain all over again, the helplessness all over again. As I lay there. Wet from my own tears and blood._

My hand automatically went to my neck. My throat still felt dry, my neck was getting hot as my windpipe seem to start spawning with a mind of its on. I could feel myself getting flustered, hands numbing, senses starting to overwhelm me…. Breathe Temari just breathe. I don't know how long I was like this maybe a few seconds a minutes? I forced myself half way out of my trance when my visions slowly started to focused on Shikamaru shoes. I looked up at him. I couldn't do it. He took my hand and lead me out the room. I blocked out the outside commotion. As we got into the hallway I ran to the nearest trash can and vomited.

The coughing was painful. My knees felt weak and wobbly. I leaned against to the wall to support me. No! this was not suppose to happen… not again! I'm not helping anyone like this. I covered my face with my shaking hands. What was I thinking I knew I couldn't do this.

"Tem." Shikamaru hands gently removed mine. But they still kept shaking even in his grasps. "It's okay… it's okay-"

"…I can't do this… I can't do this…" my words were just as fast as my hyperventilating breathing. " I don't want to relive it… it'll kill me..." I held onto Shikamaru side to steady myself. "Please don't make me do it!" I was in the midst of panicking and I didn't know how to stop it. I didn't know if I could. I felt his hand on the small of my back as he lead me into a room. He took my face in his hands and forced me to focus on him.

"Listen to me Temari… breathe. Listen to the sound of my voice, everything is fine. You're going great. I'm so proud of you."

"B…but I panicked… I said… I was fine-but I panicked. I ..I thought..." My face felt hot with running water flowing down my face.

"It doesn't matter." It doesn't matter…I'm going great… it doesn't matter. Ugh who am I kidding it does matter!

"Hey?" The door slowly opened " is she okay?" I heard an added voice in the room. I knew who the voice was but I couldn't look up at him. I had to stay focus on one thing, and that was my husband. "If this is too much we can end this Shikamaru."

"No she's fine. Just give us a second." The door closed soon after. I looked to my husband with confused eyes. I was not fine I was nowhere near fine! If he told him that then they'll be expecting me to come back!

"Sh-Shikamaru…" I couldn't even get my words out now! My emotions were jumbled with my words.

"Don't worry, you're not going back. We're going to stay right here."

"…but you said…"

" I know I know." I left him embrace my hyperventilating frame, as our bodies slowly slid into the floor. I hide my face in his neck while I listened to his clam breathing and steady heartbeat. He was relaxed and poised. It comforted me. The feeling of his hand on my back secured me from the fears I had within myself.


	26. Chapter twenty six

Chapter 26

Temari

When I looked down to my hands they had stopped shaking. Shikamaru and I were still on the floor we had probably been like that for hours now. Not moving a single muscle. When I looked away from the hands to look up at him, his head was rested back eyes closed. I could tell he wasn't sleeping but waiting. His hand was still pressing firmly on my lower back.

"Feeling better?" His voice was so low I almost didn't hear it.

"Yea I am." I paused for a second " how long have we been in here?" I watched him shrug his shoulders before opening his eyes.

"Don't know, maybe an hour or two."

"We should leave then, someone will probably think something is up."

"Ha, we're fine. Besides it's nice and quiet in here. Trust me there's no rush." Hmm I guess so. I then felt his hand rub the back of my neck. " I'm proud of you. I don't want you beating yourself up for today." I don't think it matter if he tells me or not. In fact I don't think he should really waste his breathe, I'm still doing to stress myself over the matter. "Tem?" I sure he saw me mentally roll my eyes.

"I know I'm sorry. I can't help it."

"You beat yourself up too much."

"I hold my accountable that's all."

"Hmp, well try to soften up grill sergeant." Easy for him to say. He was blessed with the ability to be able to let things go. How he does it, I don't know it seems other worldly to me.

"If I did that then I wouldn't be doing my job." Then I let a few moments go by before I said anything. " was I able to give you some sort of helpful information before I.. panicked?"

"Yea you did-"

"Lair."

"Huh, what do you mean?"

"I can barely remember what I said. It was probably just mumbled information that made no sense."

"Tem I'm telling you, you gave us information we didn't have. You helped a lot, and soon we'll be able to get that bastard." Hmm, he sounded so sure of himself. I did believe him or at least I wanted to want to believe him.

" I felt like this panic attack was worse this time. Talking about… it brought back everything. I thought I was strong enough to keep my feeling at bay. At least for the time being…"

"Talking is powerful. It conjures up feelings, past memories."

"Did you have a feeling this would happen?"

" I played with some scenarios in my head. However I wasn't expecting the added extra from the peanut gallery. I'm truly sorry about that. But I still think you handled it as best you could. So don't doubt yourself about that."

"Right, you don't doubt yourself either then ." I watched as his eyes looked to me. It's always funny to me to see him have the confused look on his face. I mean that man a genius so, the look doesn't happen too often. " you remember back at the hospital what you told me?" I watched for any change of his facial expression to see if he remembered. He did, in seconds I saw the lightbulb click. " you doubted yourself, even now I get the feeling you sometimes doubt yourself."

"I want to prevent things from going wrong, when I don't or can't. It doesn't sit will with me. To be honest the majority of the time you were talking I had to make sure I didn't look at you. If I did see that pain resurface…it mixes my emotions inside. I'll never forgive myself for what happened to you. That's just a fact…I should have been there even if you did or didn't need me. To think-"

"It's not your fault Shikamaru…"

"Don't do that."

"Do what?"

"Do exactly what you tell me not to do, beat myself up."

"I'-"

"I can see it in your eyes!, Don't beat yourself up." He said nothing, only looking off into the distance. I grabbed his hand "Look at me. You saved my ass out there! If it hadn't been for you I would be on my way to the hospital right now! Yes I admit it….Having you there in the room made me uneasy. I didn't want to tell you, and it's not because I don't trust you. As husband and wife we made vows to each other- you and I personal vows to always tell each other the truth no matter want. I will honor my vows to you Shikamaru but right now I'm not strong enough yet to look you in the face and tell you what happened to me."

"No, I don't think I want you to do that, ever."

"Why?"

" I won't be able to handle it."

"You're stronger than you think Shikamaru and what you give yourself credit for." Even though he's heard me say this thousands of times.He looked at me, but his eyes told me he was unconvinced. " that stupid brain of yours in the problem. Shikamaru you can't over think and evaluate everything. I know that must be impossible for you to do, but whatever is making you doubt yourself need to stop. you give me all the strength and encouragement when I need it…when you hold me I feel safe… when you know what's wrongs with me without me even saying anything I can trust again…it may be shit now, but it's like you said we're going though it together. I wouldn't have it any other way. I love you you cry baby."

That smile I love so much couldn't hide those caring tears from me. " Stop teasing me women."

" I can't help it, you know I can't get enough of you."

"Ha, and to think I'm the one who's suppose to be helping you."

"You are, when we help each other." He picked my hand up and kissed the back of it. " I think I'm good now." Pausing for a moment, the feeling of anxiety was gone, my rushing heart rate and aching stomach, all gone.

"Right, lets go then." He helped me up before opening the door. The light hurt my eyes we had been in that dark room for so long I thought it would be night by now. As my eyes adjusted and I leaned against the wall I noticed it was still morning. It was probably around one or two now.There was still much to make of the day.

"I'm going to stop by Naruto's real quick to see if he's in his office. I'll be right back."

"Okay." He walked away. I stayed leaning against the wall. Then some outside commotion caught my attention from a near by window. I walked over to see some kids playing outside near a small alley way.. I watched as two boys seemed to tease and mock one red haired boy with large glasses and muddy clothes. But what caught my attention of was blue ninja headband he wore, he was clearly playing ninja because it was a towel around his head. He was in tears and I couldn't help but think where are these kids parents. I was in no position to go down there myself but if need be I would. Yet suddenly out of nowhere, my eyes watched as a small girl came to his aid. I guess she must have been watching in the distance. That little girl came with a fury in her step as she stepped up to the two boys. She too was wearing a mock ninja headband. It was clear the boys out matched her in size and strength but she didn't seem to let that stop her. She shoved one boy back- who had been doing most of the teasing- on his butt. I could see the small puff of dust from where he landed. Hmp that must have hurt. She then redirected her attention to the now- scared friend who I could see was backing away. She threw up her fist to him in a challenge which he no doubt declined. "You go girl."

I watch the two sets of children go about their merry way like nothing had happened. The one bully clearly healing his pride and limp with this tag along friend. And the girl and boy ninja tag team. She dusted off his muddy clothes and stuck a thumbs up to him. Behavior like that is contagious. With his shaky hand he gave her a thumbs up right back as they continued to play on.

Seeing this bad ass little girl in action tickled me, and also reminded me of something. Back when Gaara and I had the conversation where I learned me looked up to me. Thinking about it I still find it weird, I wasn't going anything special I don't think. I was just going What needed to be done to for my family. Hmp, you're stronger than you think Temari… you're stronger than you think. If that little girl can stand up to her those bullies so can I. I was that little girl, still that little girl and I still have more fighting to do…

I opened the Hokages door in one swift motion. Causing the two men left in the office to look back from their conversation they were having to me.

"Temari what's up-"

"I want to finish my report Lord Seventh." I found my words spilling out of my mouth before I fully entered the room. Shikamaru and Naruto both looked to me with surprised and concerned expressions.

"Temari that's not necessary, and besides you've done so much."

"No I haven't- no yet… I have to tell you the rest."

"Shikamaru?" I watched the two exchange looks before my husband came over to me.

"Tem are you sure about this? I know you're better from what happens this morning but I think now you're pushing yourself. Narutos right you gave us more than enough information-"

"But I didn't give you enough information on his genjustu, it's different than others and besides… I didn't tell you what he told me. I made myself forget but I remember now, I think it's very important. Shikamaru please… I can do it." His eyes were skeptical, I could understand why. And if the roles were reversed I would be thinking the same thing as Shikamaru right now. " just… hold my hand."

"Alright."

"Alright, thank you Temari you're incredibly strong for his." I watched as Naruto got his pen and paper. " you can start anytime." I took a breath to gather my thoughts, closing my eyes to focus. I could feel Shikamaru hand in mine holding me tight, and that was all The encouragement I needed. Okay Temari, it's time to be that brave little girl.


	27. Chapter twenty seven

**_Juliette, yes they are my favorite couple to write about or read about. Their interactions can be so dynamic and fiery or simple and sweet. I love the simple sweet moments._**

Chapter 27

Shikamaru

I opened the door to let Tem out of the office while Naruto and I made some final decisions. Her hands were still shaky but her grip was strong, so was okay, she was going to be okay. I closed the door behind me and went Naruto desk.

"She's amazing…" he voiced putting down his pen.

"Yea she is, that's why I love her so much."

"I couldn't image how much strength and will it took for her to do this."

"I can't either… she really wanted to help us with this. So she pushed herself." I could say I've never been more proud of her but that would be a lie. She always makes be proud, and I feel honored to be with her to watch her grow into an even stronger women.

"So what have you gathered on this guy Shikamaru?"

"I'll start off by saying it's a hunch, but I've come up with plan."

"I'm all ears."

Temari

I did it… I can't believe I actually did it. Those words alone kept echoing in my head as I leaned against the wall with butterflies in my stomach. I….I can't believe I did it. I let out a heavy sigh from my lungs that I had been holding in the whole time I was in Narutos' office. Yes, I still had to fight myself to keep my composure, but it didn't feel unbearable. It didn't feel like I couldn't do it. And I've been feeling like I can't do anything right or for myself for some time now.

Feeling good or relieved couldn't describe it right, I felt... accomplished...like I was finally taking the right steps to win back my life.

My eyes looked down as I saw the doorknob open. I could tell immediately from the black gloves it was Shikamaru. I waited for him to step outside the door. I immediately embraced him. "We did it!"

"You did it Tem! I'm so proud of you." I felt his arms around my upper and lower back. It filled me with a satisfying warmth that I can't example.

"I couldn't have done it without you being with me." He kissed my forehead. "So… now what, what do we do next?"

"Now we wait. But this time we can bait him. From what you've told us, I have a feeling the guy a vendetta."

"Towards women? "

"Mmm something like that. I'm still putting the pieces together but it's all starting to make sense with the way he's been assaulting other women. You see from the information provided by the other women, and their clinics. He's never fully attacked him like he did you." Huh? So he didn't rape those other women?

"But why would he just…"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. And from what you've told us. I've got an idea." Okay that's just a place as any to start. And knowing my husband he'll figure whatever it is out. My minds just blown- "I don't want you thinking to hard on it okay Tem? That'll be my job. You did everything you could today and you helped us tremendously. So just remember that."

"I will… it's going to be hard isn't it?..in fact I think it's going to be harder than talking about it…."

"The waiting ?" I nod my head to his statement.

"The waiting…" I still held onto him close, my arms still holding tight to his sides. "It'll be unbearable won't it."

"…if we use our time wisely it won't seem too long." Huh, I guess that answers just as good as any. After all it takes weeks or months for missions to be finalized and put into effect. we stepped apart some and I took his hand in mine. Now we wait. To be honest I think this part will be even harder than telling my story. I just have to stay patient and stay faithfully that we will find him. It's only a mater of time.

Shikamaru

Three weeks have passed and there hasn't been much news of the rouge assaulter. Which is odd because he was acting all silly nilly before, hmm I wonder why he slow down? I wonder if he knows we're finally on to him. He has to know, no evil goes unnoticed for too long. He knows his time is coming. The plan I came up with is bound to work- if my hunch is right. Which from the intel Temari told us, it going to be right.

A three man team has already been sent out to 'track' him. I just have to continue to wait.

Knock knock…

I looked up from my laptop to see Temari coming in.

"Here I made you this, figured you be hungry." She placed the bento box on the desk.

"Thanks, sit with me." I made room for her in my car to sit next to me. I took a bite from the bento box, it was delicious was usual. "You want some?"

"No thanks, what have you been doing?" She redirected to attention to my laptop screen. " have you heard anything back yet?"

"No not yet."

"Nothing? No spotting? No word of mouth?" I could see the disappointment in her eyes.

"Nothing." I paused " a three man tema was sent out last week to follow him."

"Which three man team was it?"

"Actually it wasn't a three man time, we sent one ninja and kunoichi with two local villagers. A man and women heard about his assaults and willingly volunteered to help. I think actually having local villagers in on it will increase the chances of catching him."

"Oh, okay. I know your plan will work out. They always do." I saw her place a smile on her face, but my gut was still telling me something was off. I could still see hurt in her eyes. So I asked her.

"Everything okay Tem?"

"Actually, I came in here to talk to you about something."

"What is it?"

" I'll show you." She typed a name into the search bar. A name of something I have never heard before. " It called Mifegymiso."

"What's that?"

"It's a pill for medication procedure. I've been looking it up. I don't think I can go back to the clinic to get abortion. But if I take this I won't have to."

"Okay that sounds good...I didn't know if you still wanted to- I didn't want to say anything to push you or ..." now I was rambling "Sorry." I cleared my throat " Where do you get Mifegymiso?"

" At the clinic." She paused for a moment " Now is a good time to do this."

"Of course." I took he hand in mine. It was shaking some. "Just tell me when."

"Tomorrow."

"We'll go first thing."


	28. Chapter twenty eight

Chapter 28

Temari

Today Gaara goes back to head for Suna. It always seems like the time I have with my brother is never enough. My family walked him to the village gates, as we walked passed opening shops I looked into to see the time on the clocks. 7am and the start of a new week.

"Make sure you stop by Suna soon." Gaara put a hand on his nephews shoulder. " I'm sure your cousin Skinki would enjoy a visit." Shikadai immediately looked back to his father who had the busiest schedule.

"Dad?"

"I see no problem in visiting Suna for a few days." I saw the satisfied look come to my sons face. He loves visiting Suna- although most times I think it's because he can miss school.

"And the village has changed some, I'd love you show you all around."

"Sounds like I trip to me." I voiced, I handed Gaara one of his bags. "Here you have to get going that three day walk isn't going to make itself."

"Why don't you just take the train like normal people?"

"I'm old fashion Shikadai, besides you can enjoy the travel more on foot." Shikadai have him a amused expression. There was no way my lazy son was about to walk three for anything- Hmm for that stupid video game he always carries but is even think that would be pushing it. He's probably just leave it, not seeing it was worth the trouble. Definitely something his father would do. "Anyways I must be going."

"Be safe." I voice before I let my little brother Leave I have him a hug and a big kiss on the cheek. I could hear Shikadai laughing in the background.

"Mom you can't embarrass uncle Gaara like that hah he's a Kage after all."

"So, he's still my little brother. I can embarrass him all I want. Isn't that right Gaara?" I rise da brow at him.

"Haha I'm afraid so" We both smiled. "Not even a Kage an escape your mother Shikadai."

"That's for sure-" I shot Shikamaru a look. What did he mean by that.

"What do you mean by that dear?"

"Oh uh … nothing." He places his head behind his head and laughed. I tell you men are ridiculous. After saying goodbye to Gaara, Shikamaru and I went to drop Shikadai off at the academy. I stood back while Shikamaru took him to the door. "Be good son, and please try not to fall asleep in class."

"That's a hard promise dad but I guess I'll try." I watched the two of them talk before they parted. My thoughts then consumed me for a moment and I hadn't even realized Shikamaru was now right in front of me.

"Ready?"

"Yea, lets go."

Back at home I sat in the bathroom reading the instruction on the bottle. Take one pill today and the other the next day. Okay that sounds easy enough and the looking though the bottle the two pills themselves didn't seem huge. So I didn't have to worry about choking on some large horse pill. " May cause mild to severe cramping and bleeding…" to me this just sounded like a bad period. As I women we've all had bad periods before so this feeling would be nothing new, right. As odd as it sounds it was comforting to know what would be happening to my body.

Knock knock

I looked to see the bathroom door open.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure." I leaned against the bathroom countertops. " I was just reading the instructions" Shikamaru places a bottle on water on the counter for me.

" So what do you have to do?"

"I'll take mifepristone now to start the process. I can either take the misoprostol right after or within a couple hours..." I could tell from looking at Shikamaru he had no idea what these names meant and how they would help the situation. " I'm enduring myself to have a miscarriage ." A look of uneasiness over came his normally controlled expression with in seconds.

"Are… are you sure- I mean … are there any side effects?" By side effects I knew he meant pain.

"Well it depends on the women's body. Some women have very little discomfort and other experiences more. "

"Can you take pain medication along with it if it does get bad?"

"Well the women at the clinic said I wouldn't need one. I'd just be experiencing a bad period for a couple hours or days. I wouldn't be something I have experience before –"

"A couple hours or days really?" I nodded my head. " that just seem to me you'll be in a lot of pain Tem…"

"You say it as if you have second thoughts?" Which I knew he wouldn't having but, I could see him being torn still. I placed the pill bottle back down and walked over to him. "Shikamaru?"

" I just feel like you're the one has to go though hell with this… everything. I can't really be there to help." I held his hand in mine. " If I could trade places with you, I'd do it in a heart beat."

"I know…" we were silent for a moment. In the back of my mind the silent clock was ticking. Tick tick tick. A lot of time has already passed for me. I have to do this. I don't for a second blame this innocent life in me, for what I am about to do to it. it had no control in any of this. " it's still early, if I start now it'll be over with sooner."

"Right. I'll leave you to it." I let go of his hands and let him walk outside of the bathroom. For a long moment I just stood there, my feet unable to listen to my brain that was telling it to move. It seemed all surreal now. With the first pill now in my hand...I now felt for the second time that I finally felt like I had the power to take control of my life again. As simple as it may seem...I took the first pill at 9am, with a hard swallow and a chug of water from the bottle my husband brought me, it all began. "I'm sorry" I found myself saying the words so low I doubted that I even said them at all. But I did, and even if I didn't, I felt it. I felt sorry. Yet I couldn't get myself to feel sorry for long, if I did I would regret this decision.

Now was the time for me to remember how I am starting over. How I was getting the control back in my life. With that being said now i only had one thing to do now. And that was to sit and wait.


	29. Chapter twenty nine

a miscarriage/ abortion will happen in this chapter if that makes you uncomfortable please don't read. Another chapter will come out soon!

Chapter 29

Shikamaru

I sat still at my desk for a moment. Trying to convince myself to focus on my paperwork was futile. Looking up to the clock I saw it said 1pm. It had been so time since I went in our room and checked in on Tem, I guess I should do that now then. I scrambled through my desk drawers to see if I could find the ibuprofen bottle. It could come in ready. Before I entered our bedroom I peeked inside the door. A part of me is hesitant to what I might see. So I held back from a moment. I could see part of her still laying in the bed Curled up in a ball. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable.

"…Huh…" digging through my pants pocket I took out my phone a dialed a number.

"Hello?"

"Hey Choji it's me Shikamaru."

"Oy, what's up man."

"Nothing much, I was calling to see if you could do me a favor?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Could Shikadai stay with you for a couple days? Tem has the flu."

"No problem."

"Thank man, I'll bring some of his stuff for school so you won't have to make the extra trip."

"Sounds good to me, and tell Temari I said get better."

"Will do choji"

Click.

With that done I knocked on the door before I stepped me. Tem looked over her shoulder watching to come in. I sat on the bed next to her. "How you doing?"

"… I've been better. The cramping not too bad for now, I just feel really nauseous." I put my head on her forehead.

"You're burning up…"

"Chills and fever a side effect but… it shouldn't last long." I listened to the sound of her teeth grinding together. She then let out a sigh of relief when the pain subsided for a brief moment. "Here, can you help me get it?"

"Sure, but shouldn't you be laying down?"

"Yea…but I hope moving or sitting up with help this go by a lot faster… because it really… starting to hurt." Even though I sat by her side to support her. Her body couldn't leave it's tightly balled up position. Tiny droplets of burning sweat slide done her neck, the worst had yet to come. Her body was just preparing for it. "D-Don't worry I'm not pushing myself.." she must have seen the worries expression on my face.

"You know I don't believe you right."

"I... know"

I helped Temari walk around some, but after a while the cramps started to become too much. I helped her back in bed and gave her some painkillers. We laid next to each other in the bed. I figured that was the only thing I could do to provide some sort of comfort. My voice was a constants reminder in her ear telling her that this will all be over soon. I didn't her o have to worry about anything right now. I had already told her about Shikadai and how he would be staying with Choji for a few days. She too agreed that would be for the best.

As minutes turned to moments and moments turned to hours. It was time for me to head to the academy. " I'm going to head over to the academy to drop off Shikadai belongings, I'll be right back."

"Don't worry… I'm not going anywhere…" she forced an achy grin on her face to prove to me she was alright. Her need to always be strong for me was incredible. But I can't say it's just for me but for herself and our son too.

"Right." I kissed her cheek before heading out. The sensation of her hot skin burned on lips. I started to feel myself get sick from just thinking about she's going through. " call me if you need anything."

I watched her head nod as I left the room, closing the door behind me.

Temari

These cramps I'm feeling now are the same exact cramps I had been I was in labor with Shikadai, this pain is ridiculous! They seem to have magically gotten worse with the last few minutes. Nothing can work to soothe my pain in the slightest. No medication, heating pad, back rubs… nothing! It's starting to get unbearable. Shikamaru has been back for a while now pacing up and down the floor worried sick. My eyes opened momentarily to be distracted by his movement.

"… you know you're acting the … exact same way when I was having …Shikadai." I reached out to grab his hand. This was actually more to comfort me but I knew it would work for him all the same. "It's…. fine…"

" you don't look good Tem, are you sure this is suppose to happen?" By this I'm sure he means the fever, sweats, chills and nausea. Well they did mention the following on the bottles information section. So it comes at no surprise … what is a surprise it how intense everything is getting. When they mention server cramps I thought they mean your worst period cramps NOT your worst pre-labor cramps…" I think you should go to the hospital. You seem to be getting worse and nothing has happened yet."

What has it been now… 10 hours? I just got to 6pm. It has definitely been a while but I don't know what to expect. Everything varies! the pain, the bleeding, when it will actually happen… I can't control any of this. You already know don't like not being in control. This whole this is more terrifying than I originally thought.

"We… just have to wait longer…"

"How long is longer?" I felt him wipe the collecting sweat on my forehead. Random droplets of sweat ran down throughout my entire body. Everything I was experiencing was out of wack. I'm sweating because I'm burning up from a fever! And yet my body is shaking from a cold chill? In what land does this make sense ?! "If nothing happens within the next hour I'm taking you to the hospital. No questions about it."

"…o-okay.." I didn't want to go to the hospital. I don't think the hospital could really help me with anything, besides tell me to go home and lay down and just wait for everything to pass. " …fine… we'll go to the hospital…" I closed my eyes tightly to force myself to an unconscious sleep.

By the time I opened them again it was 7 and then 7:30… 7:52…8. Fuck! A whole two hours and nothing… nothing! Just more cramping, chills and intense nausea. What if… what if I can't get rid of his baby after all? And I'll have to have it. As crazy as the thought may seem, it was now becoming more and more plausible as the minutes ticked on. My sanity was clearly losing out to my fears….

Knock knock

I didn't have to look to know Shikamaru was coming in the room. Reaching over he felt my hot body. The fever hadn't let up and it's been 10 going on 11 hours now. " I'm going to take you to the hospital now." Okay… whatever you say. I couldn't fight it anymore now. I was miserable! This constants pain was unbearable. At least at the hospital they could give me stronger drugs.

He helped me sit up and put back on my clothing. I had gotten so hot that everything I was wearing was soaked and I was reduced to just a t-shirt and underwear. And I had to change out of those at least three times. " I…I didn't think I would get this sick…" my mind was in such a haze now from the pain and medications I didn't know I was talking. I felt my lips moving so I figured that must have been what I was doing.

"It's alright this will be over soon." I felt like a helpless child unable to do anything for myself. The pain had me feeling drained from head to toe. Literally, I bet if I wait any longer I won't be able to move my own body parts independently. As Shikamaru finished helping- getting me dressed I felt a wave of Nausea roll up and down my throat again. Holding my breath helped to keep the feeling down. But that all went out the window when I felt him tie the slash from the kimono around my waist. My upper body immediately jerked forward, our heads almost crashing into each other. "Temari? You alright…"

I managed to grab some strength within me to get to the bathroom in enough time to throw myself onto the floor. The cold rim of the toilet set never felt so good against my skin. Now Shikamaru would have the job of tearing me from it, because I felt perfectly fine collapsed on the floor. My body cleansed itself from anything remaining in me at least five times. My lungs, throat and nose burned from the acid. "…mmmmm." Was the only incoherent response I could give my husband when he walked into the bathroom with a glass of water in his hand.

"Here drink this." Water and peppermint, never fails to calm my stomach every time. He waited on the bathroom floor with me. I would dose in and out of conciseness as my body slowly started to gather its strength. "Hey you're fever gone down some. That's good."

"…who knew all I had to do was throw up everything I ate this past week.." I took another sip of the peppermint water.

"You look ten times better…" I felt ten times better too. My chills and fever were more mild now. The nausea Was completely gone and if I laid in a certain position I didn't feel the cramps. " maybe we won't have to go to the hospital right now."

"… thank god… because I barely have the energy to move right now."

"Here I'll go get you some more water." I could hear the bones crack in my poor husband as he got up from our cold floor. I feel bad for having him sit for so long in this tiny corner with me. At least if I'm in the bed it can be comfortable to both of us. I held onto the walls and counter as I got onto my feet. My body still felt tired and sticky from the sweat. If I washed my face I knew it would make me feel better. Splashing the water in my face instantly woke me up and made me feel better. Standing up I could feel the cramps starting to happen again. They weren't too bad so I ignored them while I finished washing my face. I rinsed out my mouth because anything mixed with throw up isn't good.

The burning sensation in my mouth and nose was till strong and I trigged a heavy cough. My lungs hurt my stomach cramped and I felt warm liquid touch the bottom of my foot. Looking Down I saw rich red liquid. I froze, it was finally happening. When sanity snapped back into me I closed the bathroom door and grabbed a hand full of tissues.

"Damnit…" The more I pressed the tissue against myself , the more blood came out to soak the paper. Soon the blood overtook the tissues and started to stain my trembling hands. " Fuck no-" panicking I reached and grabbed bathroom towel. Stuffing it in between my legs, it had to stop the bleeding…. It just had to. But that didn't matter my hands were stained with it… everything I touched was red…

Knock knock

"Hey Tem you still in the bathroom-"

"Stay out!" I had no time to remember to stay calm cool and collected

"Huh?"

"I said stay out !" I tore away at my clothing, I didn't want it to be touched... to be stained. But it didn't matter I was now a bloody mess! "Stop! Why won't you stop!?" But I kept bleeding… just like before. Expect my body didn't feel pain this time it felt numbness.

"Temari are you okay? I'm coming in-" before I could let him get his last word out I rushed over to the door, trying to lock it. I…. I didn't want him to see this. I…. I didn't want him to know. This terrified me. I fight against my husband who was trying to open the door. "Temari what are you doing !?

"Go AWAY!...there's so much blood." I leaned my body against the door, the whole while still looking at my blood stained hands. "…there's so much blood…" the cramping feeling that left my body and soon replaced by an empty sensation. Almost like my body was hollow. There was no more pain now, it was over. I grabbed The towel between my legs and held it. It was Covered in my blood. And I was tired of bleeding ! I didn't want to bleed anymore… I already bled so much. shaking uncontrollably I stepped away from the door. Water freely ran down my cheeks. "…I…" I don't have words to say.

I heard The sound of water splashing and glass hitting the floor. His embrace around me was tight and I succumbed to the weakness in my knees. I sat there on the floor I looked around our bathroom it was a mess… a murder scene. I opened my mouth to say something again but nothing came out. Why… why was this so hard?. This was what I wanted. But why did I feel like taking back my life, was worse and more painful compared to just giving in.

He cleared his throat and wiped the water from his eyes. Without a word he took my hand and we both stood up. He took the towel that I had clutched in my hands. When I was forced to loosen my grip I felt myself being free from a prison I had put myself in. A blaming prison… a hating myself prison. He discarded the towel somewhere to a lonesome corner in the bathroom. I followed him over to the sink still trying to form words that I could not find. But I don't it mattered at this point. Pretty sure there's nothing more to be said.

He kissed my sweating forehead, with his shaking lips. Telling me it would be alright. He turned on some warm water and helped me wash the blood off my hands.

Authors note

-If this chapter triggered anyone I'm sorry but this is how I wanted my story to go. Also this is the last sad chapter. Only a few more chapters to go and this FanFiction will be over !


	30. Chapter Thirty

Chapter 30

Shikamaru

Knock knock…

"Come in." I opened his door to see Naruto leaning over into his laptop screen. He motioned for me to come inside when he saw me leaning into the doorway.

"Here, just dropping this off for you before I went on lunch." I dropped off the papers on his desk. They seemed to instantly disappear into the sea of paper work he already had. "You should probably take a ten yourself." I voiced looking at him and then it the window.

"Naw, I'm going to work thought this, ill just have my lunch here. Beside if I get these upcoming chunin exams paperwork done, we'll both get a day off." He then reached over and grabbed a package of instant Roman noddles. That's Naruto for you.

" suite yourself man, but you can at least mark the chunin exams off your list.

" He took the time to actually look at the paperwork that I dropped on his desk.

"Really you go these done already? And so fast too!"

" Well I went over all the villages with qualify contestant, and gave you a list of who you should be expecting. No biggie." I'm not going to act like I'm not patting myself on the back. it was 1,000 ninja to look at. I had to narrow down to the top two three man squads in each village. It wasn't too bad actually. To be honest I think I actually enjoyed it .

"Thanks man that really helped a lot. It's nice to have you back Shikamaru."

"Yea it's nice to finally be back… I'm gonna take lunch now." I waved goodbye to him before I closed the door. Hmp that guy, well at least I've done my good deed for today. The temperature outside was prefect. Not too hot not too close, no annoying wind blowing in your face at inconvenient times. I sat on the bench alone, looking out over the village on the top of the building. " Still an amazing few after seeing it so many times." I picked up my phone and dialed home. The landline kept ringing and soon went to our voicemail. Hmm… wonder where she could be I dialed her cell.

"Hello?" A smile came to my face when I I instantly heard her voice.

"What are you up to?"

"Why do I always have to be up to something?"

"Because you wouldn't be you if you weren't."

"Hmm that sounds rather troublesome doesn't it."

"Ha, I'm glad you're seeing things my way."

It felt good being back at work but I'm not going to lie it different.. Over the last month I got use to staying at home with Temari. It was rather nice, being able to do all your work in your pjs, but after a while she encouraged me to head back to work full time. She insisted Naruto needed me and the work I was doing at home wasn't challenging me enough. Ha yea right.

"I'm just leaving the academy, Shikadai forgot his homework."

"Again?"

"Actually I don't blame him this time, I blame you."

"Me? What did I do?"

"Don't play dumb. I heard you playing shogi with him late last night."

"He wanted to learn a new move. I couldn't say no." I knew she was rolling her eye at me at this very moment. "Anyways I just wanted to call on my lunch."

"Ha no problem, im about to head into the market so I'll see you when you get home."

"Right."

Click.

I made it half way though my lunch when I decided to head back inside. I could knock out a few more projects before it was time to head home. As I wrapped up my left overs my eyes caught a small orange figure running to me in the distance. I didn't pay it much attention until I head my named being called at the top of his lungs.

Temari

I struggled to open the door with all the bags in my hand. Now I remember why you never shop alone in your favorite market you end up leaving with way too much stuff. I felt my thumb and small finger barely graze the door knob as I struggled to push it open. I could put all of my bags down… but that's too much of an extra step and I know I can do this all in one. I just have to get a good grip on the door. After some fumbling and ninja like skills key maneuvering I got the door unlocked

"Ugh finally." Just as I did this my phone started to ring. "Really likes now a good time?" I let the call go to voicemail. I didn't know who it was and if it were important they'd leave a message. My attention went back to opening the door.

Buzz buzz buzz buzz

My phone kept going off. In a matter of a few minutes the thing must have rung five times. Finally getting inside the place half of my bags on the counter and reach for my phone with my semi free hand. This better be good because that buzzing was driving me crazy. When I opened it I see it's Shikamaru he called me three times and left two text messages.

'call me now.' When I saw this is didn't know what to feel. Did something happen? Was it Shikadai? So many things ran though my head.

"Hey what's happening you told me to call you?"

"We've found him." Everything in my hands went falling tot the floor. I pressed my ears into my phone... did I just hear that right?

"You...what?" The words came out of my mouth by themselves. Hanging dryly on what he just said.

"They've found him, they found Kuroi and they're bringing him in."...


	31. Chapter Thirty-One

Ostara night, thank you for leaving a review! I try to get into the heads of my characters as much as I can so their voice sounds believable. Enjoy the next chapter.

Chapter 31

Temari

Everything I held in my hands crashed to the floor. Time itself stopped for me as I heard Shikamaru repeat himself again. " We've found him." Everything after that became nothing but a blur to me. They've found him…really…after almost three months of trying to lure him out. They've found him. And their brining him here. To the village. My home.

A jittery sensation over came my body. I couldn't tell if it was from nervousness or excited. My fingers touched each other awkwardly as they tried to come to an understanding of the strange sensation I was feeling. It was out of body. And past Temari was currently watching presentation temari almost with a look of. ' so now what, what are you going to do?'. Honestly I have no idea.

 ** _"Temari, you've done very good today for todays session." A wide yet awkward smile came to my face as I tried to accept the compliment from my counselor. I guess being open isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I mean, I'm still a work in progress and I can even say I've seen a change in myself._**

 ** _"Thanks, but I can; take all the credit, you've been a big help to me. You and Shikamaru."_**

 ** _"You guys practice the talking sessions?"_**

 ** _"Every night, ha he makes sure. I actually it's helping him as well. We've both been known to keep issues to ourselves. So I can see this has helped my husband a lot as well."_**

 ** _"You sounds proud of him." She chimed, writing down the last comment from our talking session._**

 ** _"I am. He's even gone back to work too."_**

 ** _"Oh, well that's exciting. Now you get to have the house to yourself again."_**

 ** _"Yea I do. Although I have to admit I do miss him missing us things around the house. It was fun having him there. But I know he needs to be back at work. The villages needs him."_**

 ** _"Well that is true. How do you feel with him not being home anymore now?"_**

 ** _"Oddly…good.not good as in I don't want him there, but good as in…I don't feel myself needing hi to be there with me all the time. If that makes sense. Before I would be nervous if he wasn't in the same room with me. Now, I'm okay with it. I don't have that on edge feelings as much. And when I do. I know how to stop it before it gets out of hand. Breathing helps."_**

 ** _"Breathing is a life saver."_**

 ** _"In more ways then one that's for sure." I told Mrs. Miyagi about me going into the Hokage's office to talk about the information of my mission. She said she was proud of me for going back, and finishing. That was my battle and I fought it well. Even still thinking about it, it wasn't my battle alone. For me, I've always had this mentally of facing things alone. My business was my business alone. My troubles was my trouble alone. Even in marriage I still thought that. I thought my struggles with raising my son, I was alone. dealing with Shikamaru hours and his expectation, I thought I was alone in that. But I wasn't. I found it was numerous times we found ourselves stuck in the same feelings, we didn't know each other had because We just didn't express it to one another. But I know more now and That way of thinking couldn't have been more further from the truth. "So my next session what will we discuss next?"_**

 ** _"Hm, eager to get ahead I see."_**

 ** _"I like to be prepare."_**

 ** _"Alright, this one will be different."_**

 ** _"Okay."_**

 ** _"It's a tough one Temari."_**

 ** _"I'm ready." My voice was confident. Each session I left the room feeling more empowered than when I had arrived. Nothing could stop that feeling._**

 ** _"Okay, I want you to write down what you would say to him if you ever say him again, what would you ask him." Of course she would give me something that would stop me in my tracks._**

 ** _"What?" I raised a brow to her. Why would she ask me a question like that? Why would you ask anyone who's been attack a question like that?_**

 ** _"Relax, I can see I got you in a mood. Don't let what I said bother you Temari. It just a hypothetical. She then pointed her pen to my balled fist. Geeze I didn't even know that question got me that…work up._**

 ** _"Why would you ask me that? What kind of exercise is this anyway?" I didn't want the tone in my voice to come out. But I wouldn't help it. I wasn't expecting her to say something like that and it just really….irked me._**

 ** _"It's a final exercise really-"_**

 ** _"It's only been three months how can this me by final exercise, I thought I could continue to come to you as long as I needed!-" I was about to throw a fit. Was she telling me my session with her were coming to an end?!_**

 ** _"You can come to me as long as you need, relax Temari! Remember I just said it was a hypothetical. Geese It almost sounds like you like coming here to see me." Mrs. Miyagi then pointed her pen again for me to calm myself down and sit._**

 ** _"I mean…you're a nice women…" and I did like coming to see her. " I'm sorry if i…over reacted." She shared one of her dainty smile._**

 ** _"Don't worry I ask everyone this. I Even asked myself this at one point of what I would say if I ever saw my attacker again. I do this because it is the start of a final healing process. Of not letting what happen to you go, but letting it be done with. You'll still have memories, but you don't have to carry the scars of wondering why. Do you understand what I'm saying?"_**

 ** _"I…think so."_**

 ** _"With this exercise you can ask him anything, as far fetched or as detailed as you'd like. I want you to do this because sometimes, we don't realize it but we keep those questions in our head. Of why me or how come…things we don't know we needs answers to- but we do need answer to. This exercise will give you those answers and peace of mind. Because a question as big as that can drive you crazy." I thought about what she said….and I've never really asked myself this. I know at my lowest points I have… I'd smash my head against the walls trying to figure it out. and not coming up with and answer hurts. Because it leaves me guessing and reaching for the reason why. " You can ask yourself anything. About how you think you could react if or when this happens. I know the thought is daunting."_**

 ** _"Do you think I really need this? I mean it's been three months. What are the odds now." I looked down at my hands. It's been three month already. Not a sighting of him yet. Ive come to the terms that they wont find him and I'd just go on living my life as such. Everything is going great now. Maybe they don't need to even find him. Maybe i've already closed this chapter in my life and can move on._**

 ** _"Well with trained ninja after him, I'm sure it can only been a matter of time."_**

 ** _"Right…"_**

 ** _" anyways, I want you to give yourself a final answer to each question. And after that you put it away and burn it in the fire."_**

 ** _"Burn it in the fire?"_**

 ** _"Oh yes, literally. Write down everything you need answered everything you need to say, and after say goodbye and burn it. Never to think of it again." I gathered my things to leave._**

 ** _"Okay, I'll do it.."_**

 ** _"If you want , we can burn the letter together if that will make you feel better."_**

 ** _"Alright …See you next week."_**

 ** _"See you next week."_**

…that was just last week. It's crazy how the world works because I was purposely stalling on this exercise. I couldn't get myself to even think about he session of what I would ask….what I could ask…and now. I actually have the chance to get the answers I so desperately need- and not just for me, but other countless women too. I can get the answers they will never have the chance to ask.

But could I really get myself to ask?

"Temari?…Temari are you still there?" I was snapped back to reality when I heard my husbands voice. I hadn't realized I had just zoned out. My hand clutched the phone to my cheek as I answered.

"Yea…I am."

"I have to go now and see what's happening. I'll call you back when I get more information okay?"

"Okay."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Click.

The sound of me shutting my phone left an eerie silence. I clutched it in my hands for some time. Making about my next move, what do I do next? What should I do next. I went into our bedroom to my side dresser. I grabbed the my journal and sat on the bed.

 _"I want you to write down what you would say to him if you ever say him again, what would you ask him." I could barely feel the pen as I held it loosely in my hands. "I want you to give yourself a final answer to each question." ….okay, just breathe Temari, breathe and just write one words at a time._

"..Right…question one. Why?"


	32. Chapter Thirty-Two

mppgy27, thank you for the review! And the speed read though my story lol means a lot I hope you enjoy the rest.

FYI before I begin this chapter I want you all to know how unlucky I am! While clearing files and updating future lionking and Naruto stories I deleted this story's document from my files!!!! So yea I'm not working from scratch but now I have to upload the FanFiction app and all the extra just... it's just a real drag. But it's what I have to do.

Chapter 32

Shikamaru

"So tomorrow then..." Temari and I at our dinner table. We had waited til Shikadai had gone to bed before be talked about the issue at hand. Kuroi was being brought to the Hidden Leaf villages sometime tomorrow.

"Yea."

"How did they find him?"

"The bastard got caught in his own trap. He targeted the kunoichi on call as i predecited." Something in my gut was telling me i was on to soemthing, but as long as the bastard is caught...i think I'll be satisfied, hopefully.

"Do you know what time they wil be brining him in?"

"No not really, but i know you are requested to come to the Hokages office at once tomorrow morning. Naruto wants to go over some debriefing with you, as being a main witness."

"Understood." She flickered with a peice of paper that rested in her hand.

"What's that?"

"An assignment from my therapy session."

"I see, whats it about?"

"Hmp, i dont know really how to say it. Final closure more or less but...i don't know." I watched as she tore away at the ends of her paper. It wasnt worry that I've saw in her eyes, it was soemthing else.

"Hey come here." She saw my motion towards her, placing down the sheet of paper she came and sat in my lap. "Do you want me to talk frist or you?" Before, i use to think talking was a waste for time. I didn't understand the need to verbally express yourself or your feelings. I thought, everyone gets mad, everyone gets nervous, everyone has fear. They were all internal affairs that the individual had to solve themselves. Talking to others would only add outside people to your problem. Then those people would think their advice would be the next best thing and yo u find yourself trying to do the things they say. It was all a drag to say the least.Thankfully now, I realized the error of my way of thinking.

Being a strategist my ideal way of reasoning and dealing with my emotions was to block them. Bury them until i had time to deal with them. It wasn't healthy. For when the time came, and i was overwhelmed by my feelings, i didnt have a strategy to work it out, i didnt have the methods to cope. I would lose it. Thats all talking is, a methodical way of releasing ones emotions in a productive manner. It took me a while to expect that, and Temari even longer. But once he followed her counselors advice and stayed with her teachings. It made a world of difference.

"You go frist."

"Okay. Tomorrow has me feeling anxious. The idea of you seeing him again, makes me uncomfortable. I dont know how you'll react, which in turns means i dont know how I'll react. If i could trade places with you, so you wouldn't have to be there i would. Also, i wouldnt be lying if i said i still had the notion to want to kill that son of a bitch..." i felt the back of her finger tips run along the side of my neck. "...you?"

"Tomorrow has me feeling anxious as well. I have wanted this to be over with for so long... for him to finally face what he did me, and other women... and pay. I feel like I want to ask him...why?" I watched her with concern as she distracted herself by looking down at her shaking fingers. "I wonder...will I strong enough to face him? Will I get trapped again and not even realize..."

"Tem..."

"I know I shouldn't be thinking about it like that, and I haven't actually. Not for a while, I think the idea of it eventually happening was fine. I'd have more time to prepare. Or strangely, it would never happen and I would have to live without facing him again. I think I learned to accept that idea more- than him actually getting caught and being brought to justice. Now... everything's finally falling into place." I took her hand in mine. " I want to be strong enough to do this."

"You will be, I'll be your strength. Remember what we said? No doubts, no fears."

"...yes, you knew this day would come didn't you?"

"I prayed for it every night."

"This uneasiess I feel. Ive grown so accustomed to it. There are days were I feel I am miles ahead of myself and nothing can stop me. And then... there's now we're I feel it only takes a 30 seconds phone call to bring be back down to were I started." I planted my lips on hers and connected our foreheads. " I know I have to be patience with myself but... it's hard. Especially on a bad day."

"That feeling of doubt you have will go away."

"But the uneasiness?"

"We'll learn to cope with it. Like are you now. One day at a time. We can exclude the bad days and the bad nights. They won't late forever. You know that, you've been going well. And I'm so proud of you. So proud...I think it's important still take things slow. Tomorrow I don't want you up or worrying about anything. I'll deal with Shikadai in the morning. I just want you to rest, to prepare yourself."

"I understand." Our ears heard the small ticking of the clock. A small charm went off, signally the late hour.

"Cmon let's head to bed."


	33. Chapter thirty three

Chapter 33

Temari

I didn't sleep much, if at all really. Trust me I did try. I tried every stupid sleeping method in the book to get myself to fall asleep. I didn't want to be deprived in anyway when it comes to tomorrow….well today now. I don't need to look over at the clock to see that it around 5 in the morning. Soon it will be 6 and then 7 and then time for us to go to the Hokages office at 8. Ugh right…sleep…sleep.

It seems the tighter I close my eyes the more open my ears become, geeze, I thought when Shikamaru was tired he snored loud, well apparently that's nothing compared to Shikadai. Or gods sake that boy has a pair of lungs on him.

Ugh screw it.

I got out of bed. Making sure not to wake up Shikamaru who was sleeping peacefully, beside me. Must be nice. When I got into the kitchen I started making breakfast. Why? I don't know, maybe something to keep my mind busy for the time being. And I can't say that getting up and not cooking, isn't apart of my routine so.

When it was all done 15 mins later, I had a table full of full. With rice, eggs, breads different spreads, all for myself. As I got over to the table I saw my phone and a notion came to me. I knew she wouldn't be awake at this every moment , but I felt I should let my counselor know what was about to happen in my life. I knew she knew this day would come, but I don't think she knew it would be as soon as it is…..like me.

I pressed my phone against my ear and waited til I heard the generic voicemail speech at the end of the ring. "Hi Mrs. Miyagi. Good morning….sorry to call you this early and leave this voicemail. But I thought I should you talk to you while I'm up and getting ready…well I've been up for a while now. Didn't get much sleep. All those methods of closing your eyes and counting to ten is a lie. Anyway getting back on tack…today is the day, like you said. They've found him and are bringing Kuroi back to the village sometime today. I'll be there are the main witness…I don't think any of the other women he had altercation with will come forward. At least that's my guess. But I could be wrong you never know after all! Sorry I'm going on a tangent… I feel I'm ready to do this, at least I think so- dammit I cant say think so, sorry…ugh I know I'm ready to do this. And if not Shikamaru will be there with me. But I think I'll have two jobs tomorrow, keeping myself together and possibly keeping him form killing the man…oh yea… I forgot not a shinobi, I cant just drop causal killing topics like that…ugh okay before this gets too long, which I know it already is. I'll keep you posted good or bad, and I'll see you for my next session. Bye."

Click. I looked down at my now cold looking food, Well that took more time then I thought.

"That was nice." I turned my head and looked up to Shikamaru standing in the hallway. " I mean no one likes 20 min voice messages in the morning, but…" he came over, kissing my forehead before he went and sat across from me.

"You're suppose to be sleeping."

"I'd say the same to you."

"Hmm, couldn't."

"I could tell."

"How, you were knocked out?"

"Even when you're not sleep you still kick pretty violently Tem."

"Oh those kicks weren't accidents, ha I was trying to shut you up ." I watched as the corner of his lips moved upward. He annoyingly and cutely rolled his eyes at me.

"Ha you know I always knew you loved torturing me on purpose ."

"Guess the secrets out." Silence fell between us. It was hard for both of us to accept what was about to happen. And I guess there was more of an anxious anticipation on both of our parts. We're both very realistic people and I know he wants to think of and know the outcome of this. I know I do, because If this is a bust and things go wrong, I don't think I'd be able to cope with it after…. "here want me to heat up some breakfast, or you can have mine I'm not that hungry really." I watched as my husband eyes went to the sender counter where I made a breakfast fit to full a whole village .

"Well you spent your time productively."

"I try."

"Hm, like you I'm not feeling much I Of an appetite right now. But I know the kid will love it for sure."

When we walked into building, everything was cold, like ice cold. I was holding Shikamaru's hand but then that notion swiftly shifted to be overing my arms and shoulders. " well this whole ordeal might not even happen, I think I'm going to freeze to death before anything."

"Sorry I don't know why its so cold here either, something must have blown out."

Knock knock

"Come in!" We walked in slowly to see Naruto hunched over reading something on his desk. " you guys came in early. Give me just a sec, ill pull up your information Temari."

"No need to hush." I assured him. I went over and sat down in one of the two chairs facing his desk. "Busy I see."

"Yea, but don't worry I'll be there when the unit comes. We're going to get this guy locked up as soon as possible." How could one not smile or at least have a change of mood with Naruto infection smile. Even know he still hasn't changed, no mattered the pressures that are on him daily as Hokage.

"Thank you."

"Right." He stood up and grabs some papers. "I'll be back, I'm just going to get some things in order. You two can stay in my office I'll be back shortly."

"Thanks man." I heard as the door closed behind him. Shikamaru squeezing his way in between the two chairs to sit in the one next to me. I heard a sigh leave his lungs as he sat back.

"So now we wait?"

"I'm afraid so, I don't think it should long now."

"Right."

"They'll give a call for you to come down."

"Oh..he has a lot of paperwork on his desk." I noted, looking t the mayhem of forms, scrolls and other paperback belongings. " shouldn't you be helping him about now? He already seems busy. And I'm not doing anything." Well at the moment I wasn't. If anything I was trying to normalize this day. And I know, there is nothing normal about today….in any way. But if I think it is, even if I already know it is, I'll get anxious. I can feel a faint movement in the bottom of my stomach and I'm trying to keep it at bay. The best way I can go that is to try to feel as normal as possible.

"Hmm, he'll be fine." He voiced sounding more relaxed in his voice and in his demeanor.

From the corner of my eye I saw a small movement. A hand was extended towards me. I leaned back in my chair too, fixing an awkward relaxation for the moment. An anxious sigh escaped my throat. Wow, as I look at the building inner walls and outside of the window behind Naruto desk, seeing the various estranged people walking by. It hit me, this was finally going to happen. I guess the night before it was just an abstract feeling of me envisioning it before the time came. Now it's here. Theres nothing more envisioning of leaving the house and closing the door slowly behind me. A part of me secretly wanting to stay safe on the inside. Or me walking down the street, and counting every crack on the sidewalk to distract my mind as we inched closer and closer to a place that lastly made me sick. and then finally, entering the building and being hit with a feelings more than dread and fear.

Sitting here. Waiting, was hitting me with a all new surge of emotions. But the encompassing feeling of my husbands hand around mine stopped the feeling of drowning.

"Your hands are shaky." I noted.

"So are yours."

"It's because of the cold." I retorted squeezing his hand tighter into mine. I could feel his warmth move into me.

"Well at least if anything, we'll be cold together." He looked over to me, warm eyes and caring smile. And I remembered of how much I really did love his annoying tease.


	34. Chapter Thirty-four

Chapter 34

Temari

We sat around in Naruto's office. We sat…and we sat... and what seemed to be like sitting forever, because we sat just a little bit more before by body finally started to let my nerves creep their way in. I can't tell you how many times my eyes went over to that ridiculous looking ramen clock. That ticking clock. Each tick, tick, tick, sounding louder than the last. What the hell is taking so long? I feel like we've been here for hours! And just this sitting here and waiting…it was starting to drive me crazy.

"Ugh." I found my feet, that had gone numb form just sitting for so long, quickly grabbing at the floor and moving my body away from my chair. It screeched loud from the sudden moment, and also from the deadly silence what was that waiting room.

"You okay Tem?"

"Yea." I crossed my arms firmly in front of me as I looked out the window. Watching the random faces of passerby's. For a moment i just wish i were them right now. I imagine there day today was going a lot smoother and relaxing than mine. A few moments later and I felt Shikamaru place both hands on my shoulders. They were warm yet cold at the same time.

"Don't worry, I'd tell you not to think about it much but I know that would be asking the impossible."

"What's taking so long? I thought he was already in the village by now."

"I don't know." He voiced, giving me his most honest answer, because he didn't know. Being here with me, I'm sure Shikamaru's is just as clueless as to what's going on like I am. I told him to go ask and see what going on, but all i got was a retort of how I just needed to be patience. " maybe they got held up, or maybe they were out farther from the village than we knew. Are you getting anxious?" I said nothing. He ought to know, he did know.

"Somethings had to have happened, I know it. Why else would they be taking this long. We've been there for three hours already!" For some reason I snapped, I don't know why I was so anger. It just felt like everything was on stand still and I desperately needed life to start moving again! " sorry… I didn't mean to."

"It'll be alright."

"No it won't."

"Why not?" He went and gave me that stupid, all knowing look. The ' just tell me what's wrong and I'll try to fix it ' look. That look, which under any other circumstance would give me comfort. And in a way it does…. But not by much. Shikamaru can't make this uneasiness….this anxious feeling of the unknown go away.

"Because the more I sit here and the more i wait the worse it will be. I just know it."

"That's just your head getting to you Tem."

"Well I guess I'll be letting my head get the best of me then…" this was human nature after all wasn't it. A person can only take the suspense of not knowing for 'so long' " what if….what if this doesn't work out?"

"Huh?" I could see my sudden manic confuse him, and it confused me too. Why was I panicking like this?

"What if they have the wrong guy, I mean have you thought about that?- it's completely possible and you know this! Plus what if when the time comes and i have to testify I'm a bumbling idiot, and I can't get a single cohesive word out! What if-"

"Mari! Don't think about it like that." Whenever my husbands voice came above a monotone whisper it always caught my attention. " You have to think about it as if you know whats going to happen. If you don't you'll dig yourself into a hole you wont be able to get yourself out of. You know when the time comes, you will be ready."

"But how can you say that…I mean…how can you trust that?"

"You just have to Temari" have to? Damn he sounded so sure, I wish I was that confident in myself right now. " remember you're not alone in this" I felt both hands cup my face, focusing me, distracting me and also gathering me. In all it was just what I needed to get myself out of my head. " I know you're struggling with this… and I know you've been working your ass off to feel like yourself again."

"I guess I'm just afraid I'll fall back to where I was…before all this. Before things started to feel normal again."

"You won't. Trust me."

"…but what if I do…. What if I let him win Shikamaru...and i cant do this..." I felt myself on the verge of tears. Stop it Temari! Just stop it now!

"I won't let you. I won't let you fall back in anyway! And even by… the smallest chance that you Think you did, it's okay. You know you wont feel what way forever. You're so strong Tem, you've gotten so much better and I couldn't be more proud. If you fall back then we fall back together."

" Thank you." His lips touched my forehead and soon I felt the warmth of his temple next to mine. He was right, everything was going to be fine. I had to see it that way, I had to make it that way. I have to stay out of my own head, and do what I came here to do. Everything will be fine.

Knock knock.

"Hey." We heard his voice before we saw his face come in-between the space in the doorway. " the unit just made it into the village, he's here."


	35. Chapter Thirty- Five

**_OstaraNight I do love me a good cliff hanger, the only trouble is finding out what will happen next lol._**

Chapter 35

Shikamaru

'He's here…'

were the only two words I heard come from Naruto. And I'm sure that they too were the only words Temari heard was well.

"They'll be bringing him in soon." We followed Naruto down the building hallway until we came to the stairwell. He turned to look at both Temari and myself. "They are bringing him straight to the detention cell. It'll be the one behind a closed door. Cameras will be in the room so you will be able to identify him without being seen."

"Right…" she looked at him, surprisingly undeterred. There was no shakiness in her voice, and her eyes seemed dead set on moving on with it. As we walked down the staircase hallway I was more impressed with her then myself. Maybe some of her willpower will rub off on me. Just the thought of seeing that monster…being in the same building…damn. I promised myself I would keep my composure for her. I didn't want to add anymore stress than she already felt.

I heard a small tapping noise of Temari clicking her finger nails together. Click click click, one two three. They were steady, which meant she was calming her nerves she felt wanting to rise. I looked back at her, but she was zoned into her head, thinking. We came to the door that was on the opposite side of the detention cell.

The room felt cold and damp, in all honesty the place was miserable. But I guess it was made to be that way after all. I just hope we don't have to stay here that long, anything more than 10 minutes could drain anyones morale. Then I heard the door open. My eyes went up to the camera to see two men entering the detention cell. The two men were officers, security from the building. But the man in the middle with the towel over his eyes, wasn't.

It was him.

And just like that, I found myself fighting everything within me to go though that camera- hell though the walls themselves! My heart suddenly pick up its pace and started to beat like crazy. I felt it ache against my ribs as my beating heat abused my chest. They sat him in a chair. And I could swear the son-of-a-bitch looked right over to the camera with a smirk on his face! That fucking monster, the walls aren't thin enough-but I can definitely send my shadow under the door and see how much he'll be smiling when I break his neck in two!-

"So, is that him?" Hearing another outside voice snapped me from my mad craze. Dammit…I didn't want it to get to me like this. I quickly turned to face Temari to distance and distract myself, but more importantly to be there for her. She was only a room away from the man that destroyed her. "Temari?"

"…yea…….yes that's him." Her voice was rushed and her throat sounded dry. She cleared her throat multiple times before finding it within her to firmly say his name aloud. " that's him, that Kuroi."

"Okay that's all we need, thank you Temari-Hey you okay?" I had turned my eyes from Naruto face and expression of worry over to Temari. Who was unconsciously digging her nails into her arm, she was drawing blood. Before I could think I took her hand from her arm. Yet that didn't snap her out of her trace. "Hey Shikamaru we have everything we need here, you can take her home."

"Glady."

The idea was a welcomed one, I didn't know how much more I could contain my sanity, and I knew it was time to get Tem out of her. But her eyes, they were fixed to the camera screen- like she wouldn't or couldn't allow her eyes to leave him. It scared me, but not only that her flesh was cold to the touch. My own arm felt like it had goosebumps just from her sensation.

"Tem, lets go home."

"….what's he saying?"

"Huh?"

"….I'm watching him…he's saying something, what is he say?…." Naruto and I both looked to her and then the camera screen. He was mouthing off, saying something. He had a sly smile on his face, resting his head on his knuckles. Like this was all a bore and he could careless about what is actually happening. " what's he saying?" She asked again, I could feel her becoming tense.

"Uh, I don't know. We don't have the voice monitors out in that cell, just the cameras. Only the securities knows what he is saying." Naruto explained, I hoped that would ease her. then she said something I wasn't expecting her to say at all. It made my heart stop.

"I want to go in there."

"What?" Naruto and I both said in union with the same expression.

"I have to go in there and talk to him-"

"Absolutely not"I said before even giving it a second thought. " No way Temari, you did what you had to do. No more!" I was putting my foot down. I know she wants to face her fears…. her demons, and go back to the way she was. but of all the times to do it…now?! No way…no way in hell! I can tell just seeing the sight of him is having an drastic affect on her!

"Shikamaru please... I have to do this-"

"No you don't. Look I know what you want to do, I get it! But I'm not going to let you do something that might hurt you!" Because the truth is I can never live and see her that hurt again…I wouldn't be able to survive it. I want to do everything in my power to keep her from that, forever! And now…she wants to walk right into danger into hurt...

I could feel my grip on her grow tight around her, as I struggled to come to grips with her reasons and my own fears.

"Please…I need to know why….just why…" the desperation in her voiced killed me more than the tears in her eyes.

"Shikamaru…" I turned to see Naruto who I forgot was still in the room. His face was solemn. " I know this isn't my place to say, but maybe you should let Temari do this. If this could help her heal, isn't it worth it…"

Of course it would be worth it! I'd give anything for her to be back to her old self, anything! But I just can't do this…..how could I? I struggled to form words as I fought back the water in my eyes. I was so afraid for her, I didn't know what to do. "…i…I can't protect you in there Mari…"

"…I know…but I'll be okay." My grip softened on hers as I felt her hands come up to the sides of my head, bringing my temple down to touch hers. "Besides, I know you'll be right here for me… and that's all I need." Ugh! Damn this strong women…I took a breath, and stepped back allowing both our hands to fall to our sides.

"You're going to give me a heart attack women." I could see her face change, as I stood aside for her to leave the room. I knew she believed I wouldn't allow her to do it, and trust me, I don't know where 'this'…willingness to let her do this is coming from either. But if this will help her. Then standing aside and waiting for her it all I can do. "One minute, and if it's a millisecond longer I'm coming in for you and killing the bastard myself." And something told my confidently that Naruto wouldnt step in the way to stop me.

"Okay."

I kissed her before she parted. I had kissed her like I had never kissed her before….like it was the first time our lips had ever touched one another. It was magical all over again, empowering all over again, and comforting all over again. It was everything we both needed in that moment.

as she closed the door behind her, I prayed I could be as strong as she is in this moment, while i waited. And even stronger for her when she comes back out.


	36. Chapterthirty-six

Chapter 36

Temari

'What the hell are you doing?' went that voice ' don't close that door behind you!' She went yelling at me again. And again, clearly what I was about to do was beyond stupid. But my stupid self didn't listen to my inner voice, I completely ignored it, even telling it to go fuck off.

What was I doing, why did I feel like I HAD to do this, NEEDED to do this. That this something inside me would never let me live this moment down if I didn't try. I'm crazy….i'm officially am crazy. ' Shikamaru's going to send you to a mental hospital after this!'

Ugh, fuck it. For a moment I looked down at my redden arms. 'Cover these…I don't need any reminders, and he doesn't need any leverage over me.' At least that voice was being good for something. Okay.

Standing outside the door, was surreal and perplexing. Even though my right hand claps the handle tight, my muscles felt like they shook weakly under my skins.

"You can do this Temari." I opened the door.

I was immediately hit with the brightest of lights. It was a shock and made my vision fuzzy. He uses genjutsu after all, it made sense, if the worst did happen and he managed to feel himself from his hand cuffs and blind fold he could instantly be stopped by the blinding light. I stayed close again the door for a moment until my vision began to clear.

The two guards who had their helmet on looked at me, curiously. "Why Lady Temari, what are you doing here? Here Kinn escort her out." Before the other man could come closer to take me out, I put my hand up to stop him.

"No, I'm fine. I just came to ask captive something, it will only be a moment. I'd like to be alone." And again I got the same strange, are you out of your mind look. And yes, right now I'm out of my damn mind.

"Are you sure Lady Temari?"

"Yes." The two guards slowly left the room, leaving only my rapist and I. When they closed the door, and I realized I was here alone, I was petrified…but not petrified enough to stop myself from walking forward. I sat in the chair across from him…my heart and insides were racing. I began to open my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

Just a weird half audible voice, like I was a stumbling baby. No.

"Lady Temari is it? Oh, I didn't know you were that important." His voice….it sounded different then I remember. It wasn't as cold as I remembered. When I reopened my eyes from counting to ten, it looked even smaller than he had before…was this possible? We're my eyes playing tricks on me? And his hands….they hardly look like they can kill a fly. "But I must say it is a pleasure seeing you again, well hearing you." I knew for damn sure he couldn't see a thing. The towel was laced with anything and everything to prevent hm from even blinking his eye in that. "The company here are no fun…"

Say it, ask it…now!

"…you broke me…" I finally found myself saying. " you broke me so low….into so many different pieces I didn't think it was possible for me to get back up…you …you had me up constantly in the night wondering…why…why'd he do it? What human could possibly take light of making another human feel like they are beneath DIRT. How could you possibly sleep at night, when I was up at all hours watching and waiting for you!" His compute didn't change, and he remained relaxed in his chair.

" I feared you more then anything…and it wasn't because of what you did to me….yes that was painful, uncomfortable, brutal….but I'm a shinobi and I've dealt with much worse. What was worse to me…that killed me, was trying to understand why…I needed to know the answer the truth-surely that would help me sleep at night! But I don't want to know why anymore. I don't need to. Whatever pathetic words comes out of your mouth means nothing To me now."

Kuroi shifted in his chair, now he was sitting more upright. "Please you say that now, but I know you're not as strong as you fake yourself to be. That how you women are. You just be dying to know what you did wrong."

"I did nothing wrong." And believe me, it took me some time to even get myself to say it. I did nothing wrong. I did nothing wrong. Kuroi didn't seem to have much to say after this. So I continued talking." I'm not strong…I'm weak… and I am tired! But I am not that weak and tired to let you keep breaking me. At first I thought I was, I thought that you had changed my life forever…and you did, until I realize I could get it back."

"Back?!…what back?! You can't turn back the time and erase what happened I'm apart of you now, forever! Wether you like it or not, you have NO choice!"…..thats when I realized, even if I was weak…he was weaker. He was upset he didn't effect my life the way he wanted to, like somebody did his. He didn't realize he had the power the change the way he saw it.

"I have every choice in the world. I'm not going to sit here and waste my time telling you how much you thought you hurt me. That would be what you want after all? You want to know how bad my life got after you, how everything in my life almost ended because of you… because you had that power over my life. Because I thought you had that power over my life….and I let you."

I could see a smudge satisfied look on his face. It made me sick, that look made my stomach turn and skin crawl

"Ive learned though counseling life is all about choices. I choose to not let this break me, I choose to get help so I can get better, and at the end of the day I choose to forget you. And even if by chance theres a day I fall back and I'm on my knees…I have another day to get back up and get better. You DON'T, you're all out of choices now….you taught me a powerful lesson…and for that I have to thank you."

His expression quickly changed, now the cards were in my hands. They had always been, I just needed to see that. Believe it. He had nothing over me.

"…bullshit you're still broken you will always be broken!"

"Broken things can be fixed. And I know I'm not the way I was before, I can never go back to that. But from where I am I can get better. I'd rather grow and challenged myself to think different then to remain a heping mess on the damn floor."

Click, I turned to see the door swing open. The two guards stood in front of Shikamaru. "You're times up My lady."

"Thank you." I got up, and left that man there. Never having to see him again. I stepped passed the two officers and let them walk back into the room. They closed the door beyond me, Shikamaru was right there, as promised, as soon as I stepped out.

Good, because I collapsed to the floor.

"Tem?!" I felt this arms around me in an instant. "Temari are you alright?" He crouched down in front of me, his grip growing tighter every second I didn't answer.

"I.i'm alright." I finally got he words out. My head was spinning. Everything was so fuzzy. I likely wasn't breathing the whole time I was in there. And now all that pressure I had build up could finally be released. And it came out wave after dizzying wave.

"Are you sure?"

"Yea."

We stayed down there in that basement until i was able to stand on my two feet and walk. It took a while before i was able to feel that way, but i refuses to leave here any other way. I walked into the situation strong, and i sure as hell was going to walk myslef out the same way.

When we got home. I was still shaking. Shikadai was staying over Choujis house tonight so family matters could be on a slight pause. I made myself a hot bath. But it wasn't too hot. I didnt feel the want to burn off my skin anymore. I didnt feel dirty anymore. Now i was just getting back clean.

"Hey, it's me. Can i come in?"

"Sure." I stepped from infront of the mirror. I guess i had been staring at myslef and lost track of time. I still couldnt believe what i did together, and as i kept looking at myself, i had to realize the women in the mirror before me was a real bad ass. She could do anything. She just did the impossible and she can continue to do it.

I took off my robe and went into the bathtub. I was finally comfortable with Shikamaru seeing me naked again. The marks and scars were still there. But they weren't as big anymore. I didn't feel an unmeasurable amount of gift when i looked at or touched them. My husband came over to the side of the tub. "Here I brought you this." He placed a cup of water next to me. I could smell the peppermint coming from it. "I'd thought you might like this."

"Thank you."

"You scared the shit our of me today, i want you to know that."

"I figured." I felt his hand caress my right shoulder. "Sorry."

"Don't be. You did want you needed to do- though it gave me a heart attack in the process."

"Me too actually, so you're not alone in that aspect. I hope I accomplished what i wanted to do. I think i did." I know i shouldn't be rethinking the events. It's already happened, but still could i have done more? Said more? Did i say too much. I just needed to get everything off my chest.

"I know you did. Even if you dont think so. Because knowing you the way i do, you let the bastard have it in a manner of ways." Well I'm glad he's so confident about it. And...i am too. " i think you took the exact steps that you needed Tem. And I'm proud of you, actually im more than proud, you've amazed me Tem. You're so resilient."

"You and Shikadai make me, so i should be thanking you two." He leaned in and kissed me. I didnt jump, i didnt flinch, i didnt feel fearful anymore. That was the most amazing feeling in the world to me. Shikamaru slowly got up.

"I'll fix us something to eat. Dont worry i wont cook it ha. I'll be right down the hall. Call me if you need anything." I nodded " oh tomorrow you have a meeting with Mrs. Miyagi right."

"Yes i do."

"Are you sure you want to cut back on the appointments. I'm not saying you shouldn't if you feel you dont need to, but i know she's really been helping you."

"Yes she has, but I think when she hears my reason she'll understand why." Shikamaru nodded his head to that and continued walking down the hallway.


	37. ChapterThirty-Seven

Chapter 37

Temari

"Really?" I couldn't by Mrs. Miyagi how she was taking the news I had given her. Not the part of me wanting to cut back on our schedule counseling, but me talking with Kuroi. It's weird, before I would only refer to him as my 'attacker' not because I knew nothing about, and he was some random man from the street. But because I had to distance myself.

To keep myself safe.

But I now feel, no know I can't keep that distance. It wouldn't work for me. I had to comes to terms what I had to do. I had to Pick apart at the little pieces until there was nothing but a man before me. Nothing special, just a man. That I could deal with.

I know telling myself that before I faced him, helped. A lot. He had no more power over me, than he had over his own fate. "Yes." I finally said. "I know it sounds crazy, and it was cray in the moment. But …it was something that needed for me to be done. So I could be done with him."

"That was very brave of you Temari."

"And wreck-less if you ask my husband, but he did support me, and he still does."

"I'm proud of you, for taking the steps you needed. Now I see why you have little need for me now." As normal I sat in the chair across from her. Before she use to scribbling something in her notebook, every session we had. Now she doesn't scribble anything, she just listens and talks. She been doing that for a awhile now.

I like it better. I feels she listening to learn more about me, compared to writing what she think she knows. "Don't say it like that, I've really loved our sessions and I've learned a lot about myself."

"I'm glad to hear that. But I must say I will miss our conversation. "Because lets face it the weren't always about me and my situation- which was good. She never just focused on one thing, which it what I originally thought they did. Bog you down with more and more of the same thing. But I was wrong.

"I will miss them too, but it's not like ill never see you again. I've made dates to come at the end of every month for a checkups."

"That will be good. You'll have the independence you need, but also the backup security if you were to have an off day."

"Thank my husband, it was his idea. He didn't think it was best to go cold turkey on this. And I understand, sometimes I can be rather blunt with my decision making. He knows I desperately want to get my independence back. But I need to take safe steps in order to get there."

"You'll be there sure enough Temari, I'm sure."

"Thank you."

We had our last session, at least til the end of the month. It went like any normal session. I talked and she listened, then she talked and I listened. We laughed, we disagreed about some things. I even found myself wanting to cry near the end. Not because I would miss her. This relationship I have now with her, won't go away. And I cherish this new friend dearly.

But I cried just knowing how far I had come. Yes I would say it all the time, hear it from Mrs. Miyagi or Shikamarus mouth. But I never believed it. At least not fully. I always had to convince myself otherwise. Thinking I could do more- can do more. And I can, I will, I have more than enough time.

There is no race that I have to win. Time will heal everything. I think fully trusting in myself again was the biggest thing. I had lost that, and didn't think I would have that trust in myself again. It's slowly coming back to me in small waves. I can now see.

"So Temari, as always I must say, it was a pleasure to met you and I hope to see you again."

We both got up from our seats at the same time. She walked me to the door. I shook her hand. All formalities all playful. "Thank you again Mrs Miyagi, you really save me."

"I was just there as the light in the tunnel, you saved yourself Temari. Don't forget that."

"Right."

"Oh before you leave, can I ask you something?"

"Yes, what is it?"

"I know it's been a few months, and you probably haven't thought about it yet but, are you thinking of going back into work as a Shinobi?" I paused. Wow I hadn't thought of that. The idea never crossed my mind, I don't even know where my tessin is. I use to be inseparable from it. Now it's probably tossed in the back of a closet somewhere.

"I hadn't thought about it….i really don't know."

"I only ask, because I know it used to be a big part of your life."

"It was." It is? I still paused at the door, hand just touching the knob.

"It was, and I think you should go back to it." Huh? I wasn't expecting that answer at all.

"Go…back?"

"You told me you loved it, that being a shinobi was something you were good at."

"But even if I was good at it…"

"You're still good at it. Right now you don't see it, but you will. You're moving along so fast, the very idea of you hesitating to do something you love will make you laugh in a few months. " she sounded so sure of herself. Of me. " my parting words before I see you again, is do it. Even if it makes you sacred, even if you find yourself regressing back. I believe it is something you should go for."

"Why?"

"It's part of you, it is you. And I know you wont be truly happy until you get that part of your life back." I thought about what she said, for a moment.

"My husband wont like it."

"Neither will you, when you think about it it'll discourage you."

"Then why even try?"

"Why not?" I had no answer. Being sacred? But I always told myself that that was not a good excuse.

"Okay, I'll think about it. And that's something I can honestly say I wouldn't have even spoke of a few months ago. I do miss it. I've always missed it."

"I know. If and when you decided, give me a call. I'll be rooting for you."

We left the building, the sun was setting now. And there were kids crowding the streets having just been released from school. On our way home, we decided to make a quick detour stop to the academy training grounds. Watching the next generation of Ino-Shika-Cho was something. The kids were rusty to say the least. But, I've never been more interested in watching them train.

I could see the small details, the way the team was thinking. The say my son was thinking, he's like his father in attics, but the poor boy has my temper. He logically threw himself into situations-logically. But still.

"Hmm, your sons needs to work on his patiences." I voiced.

"Hmp, I wonder where he got it from." I felt shikamaru fingers interlock with mine as we stood watching. " the rushing in, the screaming before he attacks. Looks all too familiar-ow!. Did you just elbow me?"

"Sorry, it slipped. Hah"

"Troublesome. You know something."

"What?"

"Maybe you should become a trainer."

"Me? The women who you say has no patience."

"These kids don't need patience, they need someone who's going to whip them into shape, especially if we're going to get the trio into the chunin exams. I think you'd be really good at it, you might be perfect for it."

"How's that?" I asked amused.

"You'll sure as hell scare the hell out of them. So they wont fall out of line." Yes, I can see that. " but you have that motherly touch that will push them. I don't know, kids never want to let their moms down."

"Wow. You really think so?"

"Yes. I don't know. It's just my opinion, and that's really what husbands are for right? Huh?" I leaned forward, and met his lips with mine. "What was that for?" For everything. Just everything.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

I will think about what Mrs. Miyagi said. She was right, sooner or later the question would come to me eventually. For now my best option is to live in the moment. I will answer that question on whether or not I chose to return to shinobi life when it comes. For now, I just have to take it a step at a time and choice by choice. I have that options. And what I want can never be taken away from me.


End file.
